After Life, What?

The Spanish Dominican priest was lying so peacefully in his casket. He seemed almost angelic, a vision of peaceful repose. He was always one of the kindest, gentlest of the priests in the parish. And thankfully, his struggle with cancer was short.

I said my prayers as I looked at him. And unlike other caskets I have looked at and prayed over, I had no sense of pain or grief. And I just started to wonder, where is Fr Eladio's soul now? What do I actually believe in when it comes to the afterlife.

This rumination did not materialize from air. I have been thinking about it since reading Time Magazine's article



I have always thought that (1) our souls go somewhere when we die (2) good souls go to heaven (3) bad souls go to hell but that happens during Judgment day (4) meantime, they either stay here on earth or are waiting in some damned hot place. Think Divisoria in summer during a sale. hihihi.

Such thinking, of course, is the most common view of heaven. A paradise of bliss and eternal happiness. And that is what do-gooders look forward to, the reward after a life on earth that may have been fraught with pain and suffering.

Fr. Eladio's soul must be there right now, resting.

Is that what the Bible says? Or at least, the New Testament? If heaven is out there, and good souls go there, why the need for bodily resurrection? Why do I have to be rejoined with my physical self eventually?

And that is the kind of thinking that pre-occupies another group of heaven-thinkers. They argue that Jesus preached not a heaven out there, but a Kingdom of Heaven that is 'at hand'. A dimension of earthly existense that will be actualized during Judgment day. We are commanded to do good works as we prepare this earth for that actuality.

And I am beginning to rethink my own position on heaven and the afterlife.

Part of this rethinking also comes from watching "The Face of Jesus; The Shroud of Turin" from the History Channel. I saw this maybe last year. And I found it amazing. But other than the seeing the Face of Jesus end-product, the journey was really incredible. Thought-provoking was the idea of how the 2-dimensional shroud image 'encoded' 3-dimensional data to lead to that face and body reconstruction. The technology needed a new paradigm for application.

A hidden dimension that could be decoded. All that information just lying around, remaining invisible because it needed to be interpreted.

And they went further to say that this is the message of the Gnostics in the Gospel of Thomas. The Kingdom of God co-exists with the earthly life. I am suddenly interested in the Gospel of Thomas and will be downloading an e-book soon.

Without having read that yet, I am beginning to piece together my own understanding of Jesus and heaven. Yes, just my own. And I have just started. But this will be based on the following Gospel statements I remember...

Kingdom of Heaven is at hand: heaven, that state of pure bliss and love, is actually here. I can actually be in heaven now. And I have experienced snippets of this dimension. Yet I lack the understanding, maybe the paradigm to feel it and grasp it. I need to learn. Or maybe I need to unlearn. I need to a code to help me 'decode' my experience and 'unlock' the heaven that is in there. And that code is Jesus himself. Because He says...

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life: His words, his life is the code. But understanding the code won't happen overnight. As Anthony de Mello, SJ, puts it, awareness comes in an instant, but waking up takes a lifetime. Suddenly, that makes a lot of sense. Contemplating on His words and His life is the task at hand. And just like those 3D stereograms, the secret is in looking not staring.








image source: http://www.custom-stereograms.com/html/about_the_artist.html

This is my starting point. Which is not much. And I may seem I'm just rambling here. And maybe I am. hihihi.

You know us, navel-gazers. We just like listening to ourselves think. LOL



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Of Underwear

My libido's back. LOL.

I'm a brief guy. Traditional white mostly. Though I have a few blacks in the drawer now. I find briefs sexier, especially in plain white. Nothing brings out the contours better. LOL.

This particular brief is ME, low-rise because I have such a short torso. With a nice snug fit.



Image source: www.123underwear.com

Boxer briefs? Tried. But I find that it doesn't flatter me. It kind of... flattens rather than enhances, you know what I mean? LOL And I used to find that it gets out of shape rather easily (or more obviously).

This is defintely NOT me.


image: www.whitesandsmall.co.uk

But this one, possibly. But my thighs are quite thick so it ends up really stretched at the thigh part.




image source: www.jackiesunderwear.co.uk

Boxers I never found sexy. I walk around the house in them, though. So I guess I should call that housewear? I don't mind patterns and colors. Actually, it's tank tops and boxers as housewear. Which is what you would see should you do webcam with me. LOL.




image source: www.sodahead.com

And finally...




This brings me back to my revived libido. LOL. I went commando coming from a run. I forgot to bring an extra pair. So I was forced. And I just felt so sexy throughout the day. I actually felt I was walking half-hard. LOL. Nothing obscene, though. My pants were quite loose that day. Yet the feel of my thingie brushing against fabric, and the thought that only that flimsy material separates ... hahaha

No. I'm not going commando regularly. But it may be an option for me if I find libido on the wane again. ;-)

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Carlito 6

"Carl, di ko kakayanin." pabulong niyang sinabi kay Carlito. Naramdaman niyang lumalambot na. Dahan-dahang binaba niya ang paa ni Lucas at humiga sa tabi.

Tumungkod siya sa kanyang kanang siko at tinignan si Lucas. Nakita niya ang pag-alinlangan. At nawala rin ang kanyang libog. Pinatong ang kamay sa dibdib, hinaplos.

"It's okay. Akala ko lang gusto mo ng subukan. Di mo pa ba talaga natry magpa-bottom." mahinahong tinanong sa kanya.

"Sinubukan ko nun, sa isang fubu ko." kwento niya. "Kaso umpisa pa lang masakit. Parang sobrang sakit. Ang weird ng pakiramdam."

"Ganun talaga sa umpisa, Luc. Di niya tinuloy?"

"Hindi. Naawa sa akin. Di na nga siya daks, masakit pa rin... de lalo ka na."

Natawa si Carlito. "I'll be gentle naman. Sanay akong mangdonselya. hahaha. Pero na-try ko. Actually versa ako. I'm good either way. Na turn-on lang ako ng husto sa butt mo. Ang tambok." at nangiti siya muli.

Hinaplos niya ang dibdib ni Lucas. Madulas, halos walang buhok kasi, di tulad ng dibdib niya. Humiga siya sa dibdib, at tinuloy ang paglaro sa tiyan, sa pubic hair.

Sinuklay ni Lucas ang buhok ni Carlito gamit ang kanyang kamay. At naramdaman niya na unti-unting natutunaw ang kanyang puso, nahuhulog. Akala niya na dahil sa pagtanggi niyang magpa-bottom ay matatapos na ang lahat. Inisip niyang tatayo at papaalisin na siya. At tapos na ang kanilang paglalabas at pag-date.

Ngunit ang gaan ng pakiramdam habang nasa ganung posisyon sila. Punong-puno ng kalinga ang kanilang mga haplos at titigan, ibang-iba sa mga nakapiling niya sa kama na sex lamang ang pakay. Eto na kaya? Seryoso na rin kaya si Carlito sa kanya?

Wala mang imikan sa kanilang dalawa ngunit nag-uusap ang kanilang mga daliri. Pinaglalaruan na rin ni Carlito ang kanyang aring unti-unting nagigising na naman at naninigas. Naramdaman na lang niyang sinubo na niya ang matigas na nota. Dahan-dahan. Minsan dila lang ang naglalaro sa dulo. Napapa-ungol na naman siya sa sarap.

Bumaliktad si Carlito upang harapin ang nota niya. At nasa tapat na naman niya ang matigas na ari. Hinawakan niya at dahan-dahang sinasalsal. At tuluyan na rin niyang sinubo habang siya ay kinakain ng husto ni Carlito. Ang sarap ng 69. Parang silang isang saradong tanikala, kung saan umiikot ang sarap at aliw sa kanilang katawan, palabas sa kanilang mga titi. Habang ang bibig naman nila ay sabay na nagbibigay aliw at ligaya. Tuloy tuloy ang pag-ikot. Buong-buo.

Nag-iba ang posisyon ni Carlito at tumabi na sa kanya. Hinalikan siya habang tinutuloy ang pagdyakol sa sarili. Ginaya na rin niya ang ginagawa. Ang tukaan ng kanilang mga dila ay dumidiin, nagiging mapusok, kasabay ng kanilang pagsasariling salsal.

"Malapit na ako" ungol ni Lucas. Paakyat na mula sa kanyang looban ang semilya. Puputok na siya.

"Hintayin mo ako. I'm near na rin." sagot ni Carlito, nakapikit na. Tinignan niya si Carlito. Lumalabas ang mga muscles sa chest at sa abs habang palapit sa sukdulan. Tigas na tigas ang malaking tarugo, namumula ang ulo. Mabilis ang kanyang pagdyakol. Sobra siyang na turn-on sa nakita niya.

"I'm coming, Carl! Shit!" at tuluyan na siyang pumutok. Tumalsik sa kanyang dibdib. at sinabayan na rin siya ng kasama. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Tang-ina!" sigaw ng katabi niya.

Mga malalim na paghinga, paghinga ng pagod ang maririnig. Parang naubos ang kanilang mga lakas. Ang mala-Clorox na may kahalong pawis ang kanilang naamoy na.

Nagyakapan sila. Pinaghalo ang mga tamod na kumakalat sa kanilang tiyan, dibdib. Tinignan siya ni Carlito. Ngumiti. "I like you."

Tinigan niya ang kanyang mga mata. Hinahanapan ng alinlangan. Wala siyang nakita. Naiparamdam sa kanya ni Carlito ang pagmamahal. "Ako rin." sinagot niya.

"Shhhh. Hindi mo kailangan sagutin. Di naman tanong yun. I'm stating a fact. Or a feeling."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize." natawa si Carlito. "I mean... just be quiet, okay?"

Tumungo siya.

"I like you. And I want to take this further." habang nakatitig sa kanyang mga mata.

"Eto ngayon ang tanong. Gusto mo rin bang i-pursue eto? Yes or no lang."

Bago pa man makasagot si Lucas. "I don't want to waste my time or yours.
Di lang sex trip ang hanap ko. So if you feel na hindi mo naman gusto, sabihin mo na, okay?"

Naupo si Lucas. At hinila paupo rin si Carlito.

"I like you. Nuon pa. Alam mo yun. At ako rin, hindi lang ako naglalaro." sinabi niya habang hawak niya ang kamay ni Carlito.

"Ahmm... ibig sabihin ba nun, exclusive na tayo?" tanong ni Carlito.

Nangiti si Lucas. "Oo naman. Try natin."

At inalala ni Lucas ang petsang Apr 21.





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knee-jerk reaction of a jerk

I feel like a total jerk. I arrive home after a long day at work then gym to find guests of my folks having fun as one of them plays the piano beautifully. I acknowledge them with my sweet smile as I am introduced by my mom, with much pride in her eyes. One of the guests remarks "We want to hear you sing."

Knee-jerk reaction: "I have to beg off, Ma'am. I have to get up early tomorrow. But I promise to sing for you one of these days!" and I smile sweetly, pretentiously. She smiles back and shrugs off my 'rejection' of her offer.

I sit at the dinner table as they continue singing along to the pianist. And I'm beating myself up for my stupid reaction.

It's instinctive. Asking me to just do something, to perform for guests, without preparation reminds me of my growing up years. I resented such impromptu performances, brought about by my parents, proud to show off our talents. But back then, I had no choice but to obey.

I don't want to be told what to do at this age! Sheesh. I will perform when I want to. Not because I have to. And certainly not impromptu.

BS. really. I'm just plain scared. It's just fear of ridicule. Fear of singing badly that I will be laughed at. Good grief. At this age.

And I hate myself for it. I should be grabbing each and every opportunity to sing and perform. Because that's the only way I will get feedback. And I will learn and improve. Yet I'm too much of a coward. And much too proud to be subjected to possible humiliation. And all they wanted was a song or two.

What a jerk.


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IJ Case 17: Intensity Spa

I was on my way home from a run when I passed this big lighted signage along E Rod "Intensity Spa, Home Service, Phone No." Whoa! A new one quite near the house.

I've been on the look out for more choices for home service. The previous ones just disappointed me for one reason or another (therapist comes always late, bad service, therapist too insistent on giving extra, etc.) So the traffic light gave me the chance to key in the number on my mobile.

And since I've just come from a tiring run in the heat of the afternoon sun, I decided that I'd like to inquire and possibly try this new home service.

Yes, the number is working. And the lady receptionist answered promptly and courteously. And they do have male therapists. 2-hr massage, Home service at P500. Not bad at all. So I scheduled one and gave my address. I lower my expectations, too, when it comes to how the therapist would look. All I need is a good massage anyway.

The therapist arrived promptly. Check. He was professionally dressed and quite pleasantly looking. Check. So far, so good.

The massage was fine, actually quite good. Again, with lower expectations, I was even expecting a newbie to brought over. But this guy definitely is no amateur. He knows his trade. And the massage was really good. Except that it seemed to have ended a lot earlier than two hours. Sigh. Turns out, this was the time for the Sir, gusto ba niyo magpa-extra service? Para ma-relax kayo. Ahhh. I declined. And he didn't insist. I just wished they didn't have to mention. Let the client ask for it, I guess. But then again, that is where the bigger part of the income comes from.

Since then, I have utilized Intensity Spa services for two more times. And consistently, the therapists have arrived on time. Further, they respond to text. And they have 'saved' my information details. So they don't have to ask me every time what my address was. (Bayleaf does this every time. So annoying! This is basic customer database management. That's why I dropped them from the list.)

The therapists look ok. Not drop-dead hunks. But pleasant. Which is more than what I could say with another spa I tried before.

Conclusion. So far, so good. Go try them.

P.S. I won't divulge details about getting in touch with them. Sorry. I think they are online.








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cc quickie: all dressed up...

It's 3pm, scorching Sunday afternoon. Suddenly, so much time on my hands. Yet. Too early to run unless it's UP. But UP commencement exercises are underway. (What are they commencing? LOL) I can run in BHS Fort but too darn hot there (the trees there are but shrubs. And heat is sizzling off the concrete pavements.

I should be beside a pool, shaded at this time. I can just dive in for swimzercise to cool off. Then return to reading magazines or books. Or just close my eyes and listen to OST of 50 First Dates.

Sigh. I feel like I'm trapped in my own place.


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Carlito 5

Kaunti lang ang usapan sa loob ng taxi.  Hinahayaan niyang magbigay ng direksyon si Carlito sa driver.  Malayu-layo rin ang tinitirahan ni Carlito.  Nakikinig sila sa balitang AM.  Madaldal ang DJ.  Sa ibang araw, maiinis siyang makinig sa ganung mga talk show.  Ngunit ngayon, minabuti niyang makinig na lang at pakiramdaman ang katabi.

Mukhang malalim rin ang inisip ni Carlito.  Nagbabago kaya siya ng isip?  Nagsisisi? 

“Naiirita ako sa commercial na 'yan." mahinahon niyang sinabi, para may masabi lang.

"Huh?" tanong ng kasama.

"Wala lang.  Mukhang seryoso ang nasa utak mo.  May problema ba?" tanong ni Lucas.

"Ah sorry.  Hindi.  Wala naman.  Haha. Sorry.  Yung trabaho.  Nag-text kasi yung kasama ko."

"Oh."

"Pero hindi mo problema.  Wala yun..." sagot niya at pinatong ang kamay sa tuhod ni Lucas.  Upang ipamalas na wala nga.  Ngunit iba ang naparating na pakiramdam.   Para siyang nag-init sa hawak ni Carlito. 

"Malapit na tayo." wika niya.

Tumabi ang taxi sa tapat ng condo sa QC.  Simpleng low-rise condo, mga apat na palapag.  May kalumaan na ang itsura.  Halu-halong mga bahay ang katabi, kabilaan.  Isang guwardiyang inaantok na ang nasa may daanan ng kotse.  Walang gate.  Maririnig ang radyo ni guard na nakatutok rin sa AM.

"Tara." niyaya siya ni Carlito habang papanik sa hagdan.  Nakarating sa unit niya at binuksan ang pinto.  "Maupo ka lang." sabay turo sa isang sofa sa tapat ng TV.  Pumunta si Carlito sa may kusina.

Tipikal na tirahan ng mga roommates.  Magulo.  Hindi masyadong pinaganda ang loob.  At mga gamit at kasangkapan na hindi terno.  May amoy sigarilyo.  Marahil lahat sila ay naninigarilyo rin.  Napahanap siya ng yosi.

May dalang baso at tubig na malamig sa pitsel.  Inabot sa kanya ang baso at nilagyan ng tubig. 

Duon niya naramdaman ang uhaw.  Nanunuyo ang lalamunan dahil sa excitement. Inabot niya ang basong walang laman.  Nilapag ni Carlito sa mesa sa tabi ng sofa.  Naupo siya habang binalik ang pitsel sa ref. 

"You okay?" tanong ni Carlito habang pabalik sa kanya.

"Yup." sagot niya. Kasinungalingan.  Dahil kumakabog ang dibdib niya.  Kabado siya.  Excited. 

Kinuha ang kamay niya at dinala siya sa loob ng kwarto ni Carlito.  Madilim ang kwarto dahil desk lamp lang ang nakasindi. 

Magkaharap silang nakatayo sa tapat ng kamang di pa naayos.  Tinignan niya si Carlito na nakatitig na rin sa kanya.  Nilapit niya ang kanyang mga labi.  Sinalubong ni Carlito at nag-umpisa na ang mahabang halikan.  Naramdaman niya ang mapaglarong dila.  Mapusok ang mga labing halos higupin ang kaluluwa sa pagnanasa sa isa't-isa.

Humigpit ang yakap.  Pumupulupot ang mga kamay, hinihipo ang mga braso, ang likod ang balikat.  At nararamdam na ng bawa't isa ang nagtitigasang mga sandata.  Nagpupumiglas sa pantalon.  Nababasa. 

Dali-daling tinaas ni Carlito ang shirt ni Lucas.  Dumiretso sa kanyang dibdib, sa kanyang mga utong.  Dinilaan at kinagat.  Napa-ungol sa sakit at sa sarap.  At naramdaman niyang pinaplantsa na ni Carlito ang kanyang naninigas na ari, habang nasa pantalon pa.  Samantala, hinahawakan niya ang buhok ni Carlito, mas lalo niyang dinidiin sa kanyang dibdib, para na rin mas sipsipin ni dibdib. 

Gumanti siya. Tinulak niya si Carlito papunta sa isang dingding sa tabi ng desk.  Napasandal si Carlito, nakapikit habang dinidilaan niya ang leeg, ang likod ng kanyang tenga.  Kinakagat-kagat, binabasa ng dila.  Nagtungo siya pababa ng leeg habang tinatanggal niya ang mga butones ng shirt ni Carlito.  Nagbukas ang shirt at napansin niya ang pagkabalbon ni Carlito sa dibdib.  Punong-puno ng buhok na gumagapang.  Nakakiliti sa kanyang labi at pisngi.  Dinalaan niya pababa at siya naman ang dumila, sumisip at kumagat sa utong. 

Hindi na nakapaghintay si Carlito at binuksan ang pantalon, binaba ang boxers, at nilabas ang ari na puno na ng pre-cum.  Malaki. Mahaba at matigas na matigas.  Tinulak niya ang ulo ni Lucas patungo sa kanyang titi upang isubo.  Hinawakan niya ng isang kamay at pinigilan ang pagsubo.  Dinalaan niya muna ang pre-cum. Tinikman. Pinaglaruan ng dila ang ulo na waring sasabog na. 

"Shit.  Fuck." umungol si Carlito.  Dahan-dahan niyang sinubo si Carlito.  Nag-ingat siya na hindi sumagi ang ngipin niya dahil sa katabaan ng nota.  "Ahhh" ang sagot habang tsinutsupa niya ng dahan-dahan.  Tapos binilisan niya.  Ititigil niya upang hayaan maglaro ang dila sa ulo habang nakasubo pa. "Wow. You're good."

Ginanahan siya sa pagbigay ng aliw kay Carlito.  Libog na libog siya sa kanya.  Sa kanyang kagwapuhan.  Sa kanyang katawan at walang-taba na abs.  Sa kanyang carpet.  At sa kanyang notang napakasarap isubo.

Nakaluhod siya sa harap ni Carlito at nilabas na rin niya ang sarili niyang ari at nagdyakol habang sumusubo.  Tinayo siya ni Carlito at hinubad lahat ng damit niya.  Dinala sa may kama at pinahiga.  Siya naman ang kinain ng hustuhan mula dibdib hanggang bayag.  At sinubo na parang gutom na gutom sa laman ang kanyang ari. 

"Putang-ina ang sarap".  Di na niya napigilan ang magmura.  Walang sabit pero ramdam na ramdam niya ang dila at labi sa kanyang nota.  Hindi rin naman magpapahuli ang titi niya sa laki.  Kaya nakita rin niyang may kakayahan si Carlito sa pagtsupa. 

Inaangat ni Carlito ang kanyang mga paa.  Nilagyan ng unan sa ilalim para maipuwesto ng hustuhan ang kanyang puwet.  Naramdaman na lamang niyang dinidilaan na at sinisipsip ni Carlito ang puwet niya, sa asshole niya.  Naramdaman rin niya ang balbas na lumilitaw, magaspang sa balat ng kanyang puwet.  Sinasalsal niya ang kanyang titi habang tuloy ang rimming.  At naramdaman na niya na pinasok ni Carlito ang hintuturo sa loob.

"Shit, Carl, sabi ko top rin ako." bigla siyang nagprotesta. 

"Relax ka lang. It's just my finger.  Enjoy it."  sagot naman ng isa. 

Bigla siyang kinabahan at nanlamig.  Hindi pa niya nasubukan magpa-penetrate.  "Pucha, first date pa lang!" naisip niya. "Tang-ina di ko kakayanin ang nota niya."

Playlist: Swing It

Kung di man niyo naitatanong eh may hilig sa sayawan si CC. LOL Yeah, I love dancing. I just wished it loved me back. Among the usual ballroom dancing moves, I only adore the Swing. Right about time I was reaching puberty did Disco explode into the scene. And I would watch with awe and envy my eldest sister as she would gracefully dance the Swing with her barkada. There are many popular Swing songs. But there were ones that only terpsichorean addicts like me would even remember. I thought I would never hear all these songs again. I thought they would be way too obscure to even make it to the digital age. Youtube to the rescue! And the app to convert the video to mp3! I am reunited with songs I used to dance to, with a house pillar as Swing partner. LOL! Now all I need is somebody to dance with. This would be such great exercise! (The ballroom dancing thing doesn't cut it for me. Swing is always interspersed Foxtrot, Rhumba, etc. etc. All I want is Swing all the way!) The list are my favorites. And it includes some non-70's tracks that I believe are still Disco in their DNA. Check out the last three! All of the songs are in Youtube. Search and enjoy dancing! Wanna lead? :) Lets fly Away Voyage Souvenirs Voyage Disco Lullaby Unyque From Chicago To The Sky Seventh Avenue Love Attack Ferrara Midnight in Manhattan Seventh Avenue Heaven Knows Donna Summer Last Dance Donna Summer Aint Nothin Gonna Keep Me From You Teri Desario Born To Be Alive Patrick Hernandez Main Event, The/Fight Barbra Streisand No More Tears (Enough Is Enough) Barbra Streisand/Donna Summer Honeymoon in Puerto Rico Paul Jabara The Best Disco In Town The Ritchie Family Everything Changes Take That Say It Again (Dance Mix) Santana Stay With Me [Long Version] India

To You, In The Steam Room

Did you forget to look at the wall clock before entering?
Wasn't it 6pm? Peak hours, remember?

Ok. If that didn't cross your mind, well, the sheer number of guys on the steam room should have reminded you. We were about five or six. On the average. Coming and going. But not cumming.

I mean. There were just too many people. Right?

No? You didn't care. Obviously.

You walked inside as most of us inside were indulging in our illusions. Of the hot steam nuking our fat bellies.

As we closed our eyes. Trying to look oblivious. To the others in their towels. Underwear. Swimwear. Hardware?

Was that your black briefs? Or trunks? Your swimmer's bod did justice to it. I admit. But your Koreanovela pale face looked ghostly in the cloudy haze.

At first, I thought you were like the rest of us. Oblivious. Or just observing. Like why would anybody attempt anything at such a time?

But in the midst of the smoke, I felt your eyes. On me. And I started to wonder.

Then you sat beside me. Even as I tried to ignore you. Careful not to give you any signals. But still you caught my attention.

With the subtle way you started to caress. Your groin. Over your black briefs. Or is it Speedos. Ever so slowly, carefully. Flicking the back of your thumb over it lightly, as your hands were crossed in front. As you tried to catch my eye.

Mind-blowing. Five or six people inside the steam room. The small steam room. At 6pm in the evening. On a weekday. Boy, you've got guts of steel. Or a libido that won't quit till satiated.

Dude. Wrong time. Wrong place. Wrong person.

Been there. Done that.



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Carlito 4

Inalok niya ng yosi si Carlito. Kumuha ng isa at nagpasindi sa kanya. Nilapit niya ang lighter dahil mahangin sa lugar na yun. Nagyosi na rin siya.

"Ang sarap talaga magyosi pagkatapos kumain ng marami!" wika ni Lucas.

"Yeah. Masarap magyosi. Period. Hahaha." tawa ni Carlito. Lumabas na naman ang pagkaganda-gandang ngiti niya.

"Thanks for lunch. Masarap pa rin pala dun sa Wok Inn. Gulat nga ako buhay pa yun."

"Buti naman at marami kang nakain. Sumikip na rin ang aking pantalon.", sagot ni Lucas, sabay hawak sa tiyan na tipong busog na busog nga. "Teka, ano ba gusto mo? Coffee?"

"Wag na. Tama na. Treat mo na yung dinner. Ako naman.", sabay tayo si Carlito at iniwan muna ang yosi sa ashtray. "What are you having?"

"Hmm. Ikaw, ano ba favorite mo dito sa Starbucks?" tanong niya.

"Lagi naman akong Frap grande."

"Mag-capuccino na lang ako. Thanks."

Pumasok sa loob si Carlito. Pinagmasdan niya habang palayo. Natuwa siya na nag-alok rin si Carlito magbayad. Nakatikim na rin siya ng mga date na puro 'penge' at 'bilmoko'.

Breath of fresh air, ika nga. Tulad ng simoy ng hangin dito sa may CCP. Enjoy kasama talaga. At masarap rin kumain tulad niya.

"Here's your capuccino. Hindi mo sinabi kung anong size, kaya kinuha kita ng tall."

"Wow, salamat. Perfect na eto."

Nagpatuloy ang kanilang kwentuhan. At marami pa siyang nalaman tungkol kay Carlito. Ang unang beses niyang nakatikim makipagtalik sa kapwa lalaki.

Bagong salta sa Manila. Malakas ang loob at nag-Accounting na major. Unang sem palang, tagilid na ang grade niya sa Math. Lumapit sa prof. Malaking mama, madungis tignan. Ang alam niya, pamilyado at matagal ng nagtuturo dun. Pinapunta siya sa faculty room. Magulo at puro libro, papeles, folder at envelope na nakakalat. Pinaupo sa tabi ng mesa habang may binabasa si Prof.

Patapos na ang sem. Wala ng masyadong tao. At kailangan na rin niyang maipasa ang kurso. Dahil hindi niya makukuha ang ibang Accounting subjects. Pinatayo siya sa harap ni Prof. Binaba ni Prof ang salamin at tinignan siya. Dun niya naramdaman ang kakaibang kaba.

Pinabukas ang kanyang zipper. Pinababa ang pantalon. Walang imikan. Walang sabi-sabi. Nilapitan siya ni Prof at siya na ang nagbaba ng puting brief ni Carlito. Tinignan at hinawakan ang kanyang ari na lampa sa takot at kaba. Parang isang gamit. Isang bagay na sinusuri bago bilhin. O kainin.

Nilayo niya tingin. Nag-isip ng ibang bagay. Ninais na mawala na lang sa kanyang katawan habang binabayo ng Prof ang kanyang ari. Labanan man niya ay alam niyang wala siyang lakas. Sino ba naman siya para tumanggi? At ang ari niya, may sariling isipan rin. Tumindig at tumigas sa haplos ng matanda. Tuloy-tuloy ang pagdyakol. Taas, baba. Mahigpit. Luluwag. Hanggang umabot na rin siya sa dulo.

Dun pa lang niya binalikan ang sariling katawan. At nakita niyang dinakot ni Prof ang kanyang tamod sa kabilang kamay. Kumuha ng tisyu at nagpunas. Sa isang tungo lamang, naintindihan na ni Carlito.

Lumayas ka na.

At binilisan niya ang pagsuot ng brief at pantalon. Lumabas. Nanginginig pa ang tuhod. Nagmadaling makalabas sa gusali. Nanghihina.

Walang imik si Lucas na nakikinig sa kwento ni Carlito. Buong-buo ang imahen sa isipan niya. Para lang indie film ang dating. Naramdaman niyang tinigasan rin siya sa kwento.

"Uy. Natulala ka na dyan. Ano ba?" tanong ni Carlito.

"Ah. Sorry. Ibang klase ang kwento mo."

"Ngek. Ibang klase? Sus, ang dami kayang nabiktima ng bwisit ng Prof na iyon. Pero may nalaman ako sa sarili ko mula nun..." tuloy niya.

"Dun ko unang naramdaman na may nagnanasa pala sa akin. May itsura pala ako. Hahaha."

"Huh? Eh ang cute-cute mo nga.." mabilis na sinagot ni Lucas. At pinagsisihan niya ang pagbitaw ng paghanga. Nakakahiya.

"Hahaha. Hindi noh? Dugyutin ako nun. Laking probinsiya kaya. Ang itim. Ang payat ko pa."

"Hindi ko maisip na naging dugyut ka. Hahaha." bumabawi ngunit nararamdaman niyang namumula pa rin siya sa hiya.

Matagal pa ang kwentuhan nila sa Starbucks. Naka-ilang yosi rin sila bago naisip na kailangan ng umuwi.

"Sasamahan na kita pauwi sa inyo." alok ni Lucas kay Carlito.

"May ganun? Feeling ko naman, dalagang Filipina!"

"Hahahaha. Para sigurado lang na maka-uwi ka."

"Ihahatid mo ako? Hanggang dun lang?" tanong ni Carlito. Mapanukso. Mapang-akit.

"Oo naman. Unless...." sagot niya. Papatulan niya eto. Booking na kung booking. Matagal na rin naman niyang inaasam si Carlito.

"Hahaha. I have no problem with that. Wala ang mga kasama ko sa bahay. But I do have a question. Top or bottom?"

Ex-Men Fabcast Part 4

Pahabol! Part 4 ... when the Fabcasters and the Gallery turn wise and reflective. NOT! hehe

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Music credits: “Only Time” by Enya “Ikaw Ang Miss Universe Ng Buhay Ko” by The Hotdogs “Love And Mercy” by Brian Wilson

Carlito - yung tunay

Katukayo Lang, dude! (namesake) No, he's not the one in the series. Our representative to the Mr. Gay World is actually Carlito Floro Rosadino.

Check out his official trailer!





Photos courtesy of Mr. Scott Nunn, Flicker.

I'm proud of Carlito for making it to the Top 10, winning Best National Costume AND People's Choice Award at the recently concluded Mr. Gay World 2012 in Joberg, South Africa! And my claim to fame is that we actually had a chance to chat previously during an activity conducted by Miggs. And I remember him as Carlo.

I thought he was straight! Pucha! Nalinlang ako! Kidding! I was even careful about making any gay references during that time. I thought he was just one of the cute, straight guys who happen to be friends with Miggs.

So imagine my surprise when I saw him as a contestant in Mr Gay Phils! And eventually winning that and becoming the Philippine rep to Mr Gay World. Sayang! Sana diniskartehan ko nun!. Kidding 2!

Seriously, that was one kick-ass mechanical costume! Kahit pala hindi terno, pang-Best in Costume pa rin ang Pinoy! It's certainly great to know that even in the worldwide gay community, Pinoys are making their presence felt!

Go Gay Philippines!

It's not just more fun. It's more gay in the Philippines! :-)

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Ex-Men FabCasts

Ah.. The Ex-Boyfriend. What do we do with them? with their memories? This fabcast started with a simple question posed. Do you still 'love' your ex/exes? That got us navel-gazing again. (Miggs supplied the term) Especially me. Thankfully, we had new voices in the gallery who had their own interesting stories to tell. So here are Parts 1-3... for your listening pressure. Oops. pleasure pala.

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Part 1 Music credits: “The Love I Lost” by West End (featuring Sybil) “Pause” by Pitbull

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Part 2 Music credits: “Never Ever” by All Saints “The Way We Were” by Rico J. Puno “For Good” from the musical Wicked, performed by Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel “Still Thrives This Love” by k.d. lang

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Part 3 Music credits: “Can We Still Be Friends?” by Todd Rundgren “The One That Got Away” by Katy Perry “Anak” by Freddie Aguilar “Ever After” by Bonnie Bailey

Carlito 3

"Bakit di ka nagpakilala sa music bar?" tanong ni Carlito sa kanya sa telepono. May halong tukso ang tanong. At natunaw naman si Lucas.

"Ahh. Nahiya lang ako. At may date ka nun." sagot niyang nahihiya pa rin.

"Si Dale? Yeah, di-nate sa akin nung kaibigan ko. Ok lang siya."

"Ahh. Nagde-date pa rin ba kayo ni Dale?"

"Well, nagyaya siya. Baka lumabas pa rin kami. Bahala na. May inaantay ako."

Napalunok si Lucas sa sagot ni Carlito. Mukhang marunong manukso ang isang eto. Ngunit ayaw naman niya kaagad isipin na siya yun.

"Anong inaantay mo?"

"Sinong inaantay ko? Siyempre yung type ko talaga."

"Ah.. anong type mo ba?"

"Ako na nakaka-alam nun." sabay tawa si Carlito.

Narinig na naman niya ang cute na halakhak ni Carlito. At mas lalo siyang kinilig.

"Kelan tayo lalabas?" tanong niya kay Carlito.

"Bakit? Nagyayaya ka na ba?"

Napahiya siya ng kaunti. "Hehe hindi pa. Pwede ba kitang yayain lumabas?"

"Depende sa schedule ko. Pang-gabi ako ngayon."

"Ah so weekends ka lang pwede?"

"Yeah, Sundays. Sige, sa Sunday, pwede ako ng hapon."

Yes! may date na sila sa Sunday. Ang bilis! Parang walang masyadong hirap. Pakiramdam niya, type rin siya nitong mokong na eto.

Inisip na naman niya ang ngiti ni Carlito. Ang kanyang malaking panga. Ang mapang-akit na mata. At tinigasan siya habang inisip niya kung ano ang pakiramdam na halikan ang mga labi niya.

Natauhan lang siya ng biglang tinawag na siya ng boss niya. Tama na muna ang pantasya. Ang importante, may date na sila. Binalik niya muna ang focus niya sa trabaho.

Pagdating ng gabi. inisip niya kung ite-text uli si Carlito. Baka naman isipin niya na atat na atat siya. Kung sabagay, yun na nga siguro ang inisip niya.
Dati nag-aalangan pa siya na iparamdam na gusto niya ang isang tao. Ninais niya na siya sana ang habulin, ligawan at amuhin. Masarap na maramdaman ang hinahabol. Ngunit natauhan rin siya. Tinanggap na rin niya na hindi naman siya kaguwapuhan. Oo, at may kaunting hitsura naman siya. At sa pagpapalaki ng katawan ay naitataas niya ang kanyang market value. Pero hindi rin niya kayang makipagsabayan sa mga ibang bading na talaga namang magaganda at kahanga-hanga. Ramdam niya ang kakulangan niya pag nasa mga bars siya o clubs. Hindi siya lapitin.

Naglakas loob na siya muli at tinext si Carlito. Binigay ang landline agad. At ang pag-uusap na iyon ay umabot ng 3 oras rin.

Nalaman niyang taga-Pampanga si Carlito. Dun lumaki at nag-aral hanggang haiskul. Nakapagkolehiyo sa Manila. At dito siya namulat sa kamunduhan ng mga bading.

Bata pa lang siya, alam na niyang kakaiba ang pakiramdam niya sa ibang kalarong lalaki. Ngunit dahil ministro ng simbahang Metodista ang kanyang tatay, hindi niya mailabas ang nagbubungang damdamin. Tatlo silang magkakapatid. Siya ang nasa gitna. Ang kuya niya ay may pamilya na. Ang bunsong babae naman ay nag-aaral pa. Malaki ang agwat nila. Kaya inaamin niyang may ugaling spoiled rin siya dahil "cute na cute" siya nung bata.

Nakakatuwang marinig ang mga kuwento ni Carlito. Madaldal siya pagnasusian. Maloko rin at masayahin. Kahit may konting kayabangan. Kasi nga marami atang umaaligid sa kanya.

Sa trabaho naman ay masaya siya. Umaasenso na siya sa BPO. Kaya rin siya nakahiwalay sa pamilya. Nangungupahan siya ng isang condo sa Taguig. At may mga roommates siya. Tatlo sila, tig-iisang kwarto. Lahat sila mga bading na naging magkakaibigan na. Sa ngayon, lahat sila single.

Mahaba pa ang naging usapan. Nakangiti si Lucas ng ibaba niya ang telepono. Mukhang hindi sila magkakaroon ng mga dull moments paglumabas na sila.

Hindi pa siya inaantok. Tumingin sa paligid at nakita niya ang isang lumang porno DVD. Sinaksak sa laptop at pinanuod ang pelikula.

Mga farmhands daw ang dalawang karakter. Yung isa, gwapo pero may pagkapayat. Twink ata ang tawag dun. Yung isa naman ay malaking bulas, mabuhok, isang bear. Parehong naka-overalls. Si bear, yun lang ang suot. Si twink may checkered shirt na panluob. Naglalagay sila ng hay sa isang pick-up. Nalibugan ang bear nung nagtututuwad ang twink. Hinimas ang lumalaking bukol sa overalls.

Napatingin ang twink. Nahiya kunwari si bear. Ngunit nilapitan ni twink at hinimas na rin ang bukol. At dahan-dahan na ring hinalikan ang mabuhok na dibdib ni bear. Naka-focus sa mga utong na malaki. Dinidilaan at kinakagat-kagat. Ang isang kamay naman ay pumipisil sa bukol.

Sa init ng araw, nilabas ni bear ang malaking ari. Niluhuran na ni twink at sinubo at kinain. Mataba at mahaba. Ngunit iba ang kakayahan ni twink sa pagblow job. Napapapikit si bear sa sarap. At nagumpisa ang mahahalay na pagsasalita.

Dito pa lamang sa bahagi na eto ng pelikula naramdaman ni Lucas ang pagtugas ng sarili niyang nota. Tinanggal niya ang boxers habang nanunuod. Tinignan niya ang sariling titing naninigas na rin. Sinuri. Hindi kasing laki ng mga nasa pelikula. Naliliitan nga siya. Pero masaya na rin siya sa laki ng nota niya. Marami na rin namang napaligaya.

Nagbago ng lugar ang dalawang farmhands. Nasa sofa ngayon si twink, nakatuwad. Kinakain ni bear kanyang puwet, ang asshole niya. Laging natatawa si Lucas pag nakikita niyang nakafocus sa puwet ang camera. Parang puwet ng manok na lumiliit at lumalaki ang butas.

At mula sa pagkatuwad, dinukot ni bear ang malaki ring ari ni twink. At dun tsinupa ang matigas na ring ari. Mahaba kaya umabot hanggang likod. Buong haba ang himas sa nota.

Yung eksenang yan ang laging nagpapalibog na husto kay Lucas. Ang pakiramdam na kinakain ang nota mula sa likod. Iba ang sarap. Tuloy tuloy ang pagdyakol sa sarili niya titi. Tigas na tigas na. May precum ng namumuo sa dulo ng nota. Kinuha ng daliri ang precum. Tinikman niya. Malabnaw at wala pang lasa.

Hinanap na niya ang baby oil. Pinatulo sa notang pulang-pula. Sinasabayan si bear habang tinitira na si twink. Malakas ang paglabas-pasok sa puwet. Masarap at masakit ang nasa mukha ni twink. Kitang kita sa mga tight shots ng camera ang malaking nota ni bear, may balot ng condom.

Tuloy ang pag-jackoff niya. Pero pinipigilan niya ang pagputok. Gusto niyang sinasabayan ang pinapanuod sa pag-come. Napilitan tuloy siyang i-fast forward ang pinapanuod. Hindi na niya mapigil ang paglabas.
At nung nilalabasan na si bear, sabay hugot ng nota, at tanggal ng condom. Tumalsik ng tumalsik ang tamod. At kasabay ang pagtalsik ng sarili niyang tamod. Ang dami niyang nilabas. Ang pakiramdam ng pagputok na hindi mapantayan.

Care Diva

No. I'm not the one needing a caregiver, yet. hmmp. But I played caregiver (more like care diva) to my folks as we traveled this holy week. They are in their mid-70s. And not as strong as they used to be. The first time we took a flight together was to Davao last year. Since that was a short flight and a short trip, it didnt get me worried at all. Besides, I knew that Davao is so friendly a place.

But this trip was going to be different. I was anticipating a lot of stress on the 17hr flight. There was even a 2.5hr layover. It was just last December when I went to Toronto, and the month before, to Cape Town-Dubai. I was just alone yet I got so worked up over the trip. What to do on the long flight. How do I make sure I minimize jet lag. (and that turned out to be one huge crisis!). So having two senior citizens to take care of was like an exponential increase in stress levels. How do I keep them preoccupied? What if they need to be always use the bathroom? What if they get restless? Knowing how slow they walk, would we make it on time to the connecting flight? The anxiety was mounting as the trip drew near.

But surprisingly, and thankfully, none of my worries became real. On the contrary, we were treated preferentially because of the senior citizens I was accompanying. I arranged for wheelchairs for them. And that literally opened doors not just in NAIA but in all other airports. They zipped through immigration, customs every time! And that included me, the care diva! All the flight attendants were gracious and helpful.

Of course, it also had a lot to do with my own folks' attitude. They really are both very nice, warm and accommodating. They never felt 'entitled'. There would always be a "thank you" for each service extended. And they chatted with whomever was accompanying them or pushing their wheelchairs. And even to me. They were never whiners. They would never inconvenience their own children for their sake. I am truly lucky and blessed. (p.s. I had an additional challenge since my mom is also physically challenged.)

So to us who eventually take care of our folks in their old age, be delighted with the perks and benefits of traveling with Senior Citizens. You will cherish them more.

I leave with some lessons for you who will be travelling with your parents soon. Give advance notice to the airlines for their special needs (wheelchairs, meals, access to lavatories). Bring loose change as tip to those who help you and your parents. Your generosity will always be appreciated. Yet be prepared to do things all by yourself (carrying their luggage, or at least getting these from and to the pushcarts). Ask ahead for special lanes for the elderly. Or even special discounts. Plan out your seats, your walking time, your waiting time.

A friend of mine told me that among the Ten Commandments, only the one on honoring your father and mother carried with it a promise from God. A promise of long life. Who would have thought that there were so many benefits to be enjoyed in the here and now for taking care of them?


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