Sunday, October 14, 2007

a farewell where it started



enigma and i said our goodbyes at the scenic spot in angono, on the foothills of the sierra madre. it was sunset. fitting. he was a little sad but not depressed or gloomy. neither was i. just... nostalgic. the view remained breathtaking.



but the emotions were more subdued. no hugs or kisses. just some glances of what could have been. but all that set with the sun. and i found the perfect song for today. this was a song i have been looking for. the day you went away by wendy matthews. i wish i knew how to upload the song on my blog. but let me pick up some the refrain:



Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
and I thought that it would rain
on a day like today
Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
it's as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought that it would rain
the day you went away

16 comments:

JOSH said...

now d title of this post reminds me of a typical procession (d la naval de manila just this afternoon).

Sa pagkahabahaba ng procession, sa simbahan din ang tuloy, you end where it started, high up der looking at the beauty of nature and d mystery of love. :)

closet case said...

yes, josh. the enigma of love begins and ends up there where it belongs.

Anonymous said...

that was really sad. but hey, things must be done right? after all that i've said before (i wrote the anonymous-comment that you blogged about), i found a higher level of respect for you. i feel like hugging you to give you my congratulations. :D

you're tough. it's not easy. i wish you a very happy life. :)

PS. sorry for whatever that previous comment made you feel. i just thought you were totally being a bad boy. :D

YAJNAT said...

well just a thought...love is like a roller coaster,,,you'll end up in puke...

funny...yet its true...

closet case said...

hello mr anonymous reader. i hug you back. i was totallly a bad boy. i promise to try to be good. be well!

yajnat.. true, true... love the emotion yes. but love the commitment maybe not. :-)

Anonymous said...

Brava CC. Brava!!!! Its lonely heart again.

Indeed, there's no easy way to break somebody's heart... coz the pain in your heart is so much more. Imagine the thought - you've hurt someone and it hurts to let him go. Whatta a double whammy!

The good news is ... you've learned.
The better news... you know what you want.
The best news... you've acknowledged that you can't do it on your own, you've surrendered to Lord. He never fails, all we need to do is have faith - that as human beings we can only do so much. It's Him who can ultimately ease our pain.

Keep your focus CC. You know what you want. Stray not. I'll pray for you.. only if you allow me to. :-)

lonely heart

closet case said...

lonely heart, thanks, many thanks. i will keep on! do pray for me as i pray for you! but why the handle - lonely heart?

Anonymous said...

Cc, i keep on erasing what i write. Its so hard to explain publicly. guess i have to do so privately, m.santarin@yahoo.com if you like. sensya na po. naubusan ako bigla. - lonely heart

DATS said...

Finally your baby steps are now a toddler leap, congratulations...
I hope things will get better now and stay with your goals...
Focus and pray always...the Almighty might just have been looking for your attention, sometimes we tend to forget to say our ‘thanks’ if we're happy...all the best CC.

Anonymous said...

been a spectator to your colorful journey with enigma.at first i was judgemental (at you).in my world,everyone is straight and pretending to be saint.i may not agree (generally) with how you live ur life but i sincerely admire you for the will and courage to do the right thing.i wish you all the best in life.keep on sharing the learnings in your relationship.it somehow inspires people na kasing inosente/tanga ko.

Anonymous said...

I've been through the same situation recently, but in that situation i am in enigma's shoes. It does hurt so much to be the one to be left behind especially if you gave it all...if you gave it your best shot.

The torture is in the thought of not being good enough even if, deep in your heart, you know you've given it your best shot.

Maybe this is pride.

I ask myself over and over again, why will somebody allow another person to go through this even if that person has been nice, good, loving...Am I just a toy to be played with?

But then again, maybe being loving, good, nice are not enough to keep relationship going. Maybe the feeling is gone....the spark...the adrenaline rush...

Maybe...

I'm still hurting and will continue to allow myself to be in this situation for a while. I believe that while I wallow in my hurt, the healing starts and I can move on...I have moved on.... That during this time when I find myself crying at the slightest thought of what could have been, each dried tear adds a level that will be able to fill the void that was left by someone you loved so much.

And this I believe in:

...that life does not end with the passing of a relationship. Out of the ashes of a broken dream rises a new life waiting to be explored. The point where life seem to end is where a new one begins. Isn't life worth living because of second chances? Savor life and all that it offers...

I'm looking towards this thought even while I grieve over a lost, great love.

jon

ps..sorry for the long post...just want to share what it feels from the shoes of another enigma...all the best CC

Rob said...

CC, I'm not sure if you can still remember me from my previous comments (we had the same case but I can relate more to Enigma).

Starting a(nother) relationship that is deceitful from the very beginning is already doomed to failure.

We are no longer together and I had learned my lessons well.

Please remember that Enigma is also hurting in the process and for a moment... just for a moment, think that I'm Enigma... and here's how I would express myself in words:

"I am really thankful for the wonderful times that we've shared together. The smiles, the laughter, the funny moments, the love and the affection will not easily be forgotten. You had shown me how to love and how it is to be loved. I am really grateful for that. Of course this is not how I would imagine this to end but I totally understand the decisions you've made... and you've made the right one... Loving you means understanding you... Loving you means respecting you and your loyalty to your partner... I wouldn't have been happy at all if you had broken up with him and you ended up with me knowing that I had hurt someone in the process. That would have been the guilt that I'll be carrying on for the rest of my life.
You do not have to worry about me, the experience I learned from this ordeal have made me strong. I thank you for that. I also realized now that it is always good to start a relationship on a clean slate. Being honest with one's intention from the very beginning will be a good foundation of a successful relationship."

closet case said...

thanks so much for the comments, people... very heartening to hear from you...

dats, i am walking now. still slowly. everything has cleared up in my head. thanks for the well wishes! and you are right. Almighty always here for us. We just forget.

jon, nice to hear from you. loved your comment though i am sorry to hear that you were in pain. but you seem to be on your way to healing. happy for you! *hugs* though i think its natural to 'blame' ourselves for not being 'good enough' when relationships end... truth is, it will always take two to tango. you're only half of the problem, if you are the problem in the first place. those thoughts just torture you, jon. you must be a nice, swell guy to be loved in the first place. believe in that. believe in yourself...

closet case said...

anonymous reader... thanks. yes, i didnt agree with my life too. but a part of me did and that was the part that blogged about it. i am not proud that i hurt people along the way. the ive used them. im so sorry for that. but the worst sin would have been to let it go on just because it was so inconvenient and uncomfortable to face the truth.

hey rob! wow. we were just answering comments a few posts back. now you have also let go... reading your words as if it was enigma's was a good feeling. i wish he really feels as you do and does not hate me for all that has happened. you are a good person, rob, to feel such peace and love despite the circumstances. *hugs* there is someone out there for you, who will start with the proverbial clean slate... you have to keep on believing in that... wish you well! cc

Marcus: Bading Down Under said...

Dude, I have not read the comments of the others, but I am sure I echo their sentiments: you did the right thing, but not necessarily the least painful one. Good luck with the healing process and I hope that the cross you have to bear doesn't come at too heavy a price.

Ingat and I hope this finds you well!

<3

closet case said...

thanks, marcus! *hugs* healing is slow but sure. i try to just keep myself busy with work and basketball. lol. i guess the heaviest cross of dishonesty has been lifted. nothing could be heavier than that... i think...

i hope this finds you well, too!!!!