musta love life ko?

i am actually seriously asking myself the question. since my full disclosure to partner a few weeks back, he has been understandably cold and withdrawn. texts are few and far between. i reach out to him through email, which i do everyday. he doesnt always reply to the emails either. if he does, these are terse, sometimes ornery. i have this instinct to fight back but i hold my fingers (from typing). "when you bow, bow low" i just have to humble myself for i have truly hurt him and he is still in the process of healing.

i was ecstatic over my upcoming trip to the u.s. and i was emailing this to him. but i told him i was going out tonight with legal eagle (le). i blogged le before as my first full-blown affair. it lasted three months. that was last year. and we remained friends. even before my disclosure, partner has always had bad vibes about le. i used to deny that there was anything between le and me. but when i told him the truth, this was one of the confessions that still get to him.

he emailed yesterday how his mood suddenly changed about my mention of le. and he remembered the pain of my deceit, my illicit affair with le. and it ruined his day.

i could only apologize.

so right now, partner is cold, hurting, angry, withdrawn, bitter. its been three weeks since. i can only just accept all this because i caused it. that's where it stands. it hurts me, too. but i only got me to blame.

he comes back next week. i dont know how things will be when he is physically here.