Monday, October 22, 2007

the pangs of loneliness start to bite again

i did something right, right? ive given up enigma and am back to my love, my partner. so why am i feeling lousy? i was in denial a couple of days back. yeah, ive lasted this long. but i have to admit, its getting lonesome again. partner is still away and wont be back for another two weeks. i guess that's why i'm lonely again. im also shying away from the purely-sexual pursuits. just so i wouldnt suddenly 'fall' for the next guy i become intimate with. yes, im that vulnerable. the temptation to text enigma is strong. i even got a 'i miss you' and 'i love you' text from him last sat early morning. i replied, after much deliberation, with 'ditto'. i shouldnt have. thank God he didnt take the bait. (or is he still trying to figure out what it means? hihi) *sigh*

so much to be thankful for... im so blessed. yet i feel awful. *sigh*

7 comments:

DATS said...

CC...keep your word...hang in there, two weeks is just short...be brave.

joelmcvie said...

Sometimes doing the right thing will cause you (and others) pain. Who says it has to be easy?

Remember what I told you at A Taste of LA last Sunday (not Friday, ikaw ha ang memory lapses...)? Find out where that loneliness is coming from. If you can pinpoint it, and you can do something about it, then that loneliness will cease to be a problem.

It's time for you to bite Loneliness back--preferably on his big, fat ass!

closet case said...

thanks, dats... am hanging on... keeping focused on what my relationship means to me...

mcvie, sunday pala yun? i could have sworn it was friday. hay. sige isang malaking KAGAT sa loneliness na yan! thanks!

JOSH said...

withdrawal syndrome from an addiction perhaps, :)

Marcus: Bading Down Under said...

Hey dude. Can't say much that hasn't already been said by others.

But, yeah, this too shall pass.

*hug* :-)

closet case said...

thanks, josh! you may be right.

thanks marcus.... for now it has... so am okay again! HUGS

Rob said...

CC, you know what? You had expressed your feelings to Enigma before and you just cannot easily deny that. You are feeling lousy, awful and vulnerable because deep inside, you still long for him.

You thought you've gotten over Enigma but the truth is, you just masked that feeling because you wanted to do the 'right' thing.

Search deep inside, is your love to your partner stronger that Enigma's? If yes, then don't entertain Enigma at all. Stop giving him false hopes. But if your feeling towards Enigma is stronger, then why don't you give yourself a chance? Maybe this is what you really wanted. Maybe that is the 'right' thing. Follow your heart, it can never be wrong.