enigma has been sensing something's awry with my tone and change of plans.
when i met up with him to have dinner earlier... he already asked me if this was going to be "the last supper"...
dinedma ko muna and tried to make light conversation, catch-up talk since we havent seen each other in two weeks...
and in the resto, he wanted me to be straight to the point... i struggled with the words... but finally, i mustered the courage to tell him...
"i have to stop seeing you..."
silence. pregnant silence. awkward silence.
"cute." and he smiled, a painful smile. followed by a sigh. quiet dinner. took him back home. just listening to ipod music. not talking. and a slight squeeze of the hand before stepping out of the car.
that ends the chapter on enigma. and i am back to hating myself for this mess...
10 comments:
ang lungkot naman. pero kailangan eh. you did the right thing, kahit na masakit. pakilala mo na lang kaya sa akin si enigma? haha. just kidding!
gatch
i did the right thing. i keep telling myself this over and over again to keep me from pulling my hair... thanks, gatch...
I totally agree C.C. - you brought this mess upon yourself. =)
D.C.
yes. at the end of the day, you have your tried and tested someone beside you and not some punk.
I'm an avid reader of your blog. Ergo, i've read about this enigma episode right from the very first time you posted things about it.
CC, i love your courage and guts. But i hate you for putting someone in a mess. In other words, nandamay ka. You have a void to fill, Enigma was there for the bait. Did he deserve it? I dont think so, because you seem to be in a position of "power."
How i wish i could say, "you should have controlled yourself more." But how can I? M not in your place.
Bottomline, you've hurt someone...of course you've hurt yourself too. What's next?...
Do you know what you want? Do you want your lover to stay? If so, keep focused. The human spirit can definitely keep you from straying just to keep this. Believe that you can and you definitely will. Just know what you want and focus your energy towards it.
We can have it all CC, but not all at the same time!!! (from Tyang Oprah Winfrey) :-)
I wish you all the best.
Lonely Heart
In d history of Xtianity, d last supper became our present Eucharist, a supper of thanksgiving.
May this closed chapter made both u and enigma more "experienced", remembering but not longing d days u spent 2geder, and now life continues, forever greatful! :)
Errr. can u leave a msg or two to Migs' the blogger, ball player & actor...hehehe
let me play devil's advocate here...
maybe you should really think about what you want, what you REALLY REALLY want--regardless of what's supposedly right, what you think is right, what others think is right--just think of what you want, no judgements. then try accepting that, that what you want IS a part of you. so regardless of everything, you and the rest of the world just have to come to grips of who you are--flaws, warts and all.
maybe this was just the wrong time for enigma
In Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera,a quote always stuck to me: "The most important thing in a marriage isn't Happiness. It's stability." I thought about it and even looked at my parent's own marriage. There were rocky parts, but they stuck through it. Sweetie, you have a man that loves you and is willing to forgive and even condone behavior that's not normal in a relationship. It's only fair to stick with him. He really loves you. I'd give up all my bags and shoes and clothes just for someone who can love me for who I am with all my faults and nothing less.
*Wait* scratch that. Maybe not the bags! Cheer up sweetie!
Ciao!
lonely heart - thank you for continuing to read this teleserye of a blog. enigma doesnt deserve the pain i caused. and i truly regret it. he is such a beautiful person. but i shall stay away from such emotional entanglements!
josh - wonderful analogy. last supper, the agony and the crucifixion and death. then the resurrection. will visit mgg
powerbutt - (sorry for the shortcut but it sounds so cute)... thanks. i did search my heart. doing what is right is also doing what i want, really want. enigma is a wonderful, beautiful person. but partner, warts & all, is the imperfect person perfect for me! :)
john - great quote! yes. stability amidst the chaos. your thoughts made me treasure my partner more. you can keep the bags and the shoes, honey. love comes free!
again, i felt the hurt that enigma and you felt. nag deep sigh ako after reading this. tsk. ive been reading your blog since 2pm and i must say, ive learned a lot and gained a lot. from culture to arts to travel to etc. thats what i like about ur blog. not just sex but and daming topics. real life experiences too. i shared this blog to a friend who's a PLU also and my confidant. im new to this actually. never met enyone na PLU and it gave me an idea also. im scared. thats why. given my situation. tsk. anyway, thanks for sharing and please keep on writing. im thankful that i discovered your blog. :)
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