Musings

My dad seems to feel better now, and so do I. I hope he sustains this, with minimal complaints. But I know we are certainly not out of the woods yet. But seeing him with more energy, smiling a bit more and even laughing a bit just lifts my spirits.

I've been sleeping at 1130pm and waking up at 6am. This is still not the same as before. So I blame jetlag. But I am not complaining. I think this is the best kind of jetlag. And I don't even feel sleepy during the day. I give myself a pat on the back for this.

I was traumatized the last time I travelled to North America about 2 years back. It was an extremely short trip - 3 nights there in Toronto, and quite anxiety-ridden. That took me 2 weeks to normalize. I would be awake until 3 or 4am. There was a time I hardly slept and ended up running in UP at 5am!

But someone kept me company then. And I have to admit that I miss his company.

He has been a raider for quite a while now. And he bravely sent me an email to initiate contact. He is based in Europe, a young, hot Pinoy white collar! After some months, we became chatmates. And because of the time difference, that would mean waking up early to chat with him.

At first he was so secretive about his identity, and that was wearing me down. But I could understand. He was still exploring the different facets of his self, discovering new interests and expanding preferences. So slowly, he let his guard down with me, and started to reveal more of himself.

He is certainly smart and even argumentative at times. And that was enough to wake me up at 530am. And when we finally started to videochat, there was a very attractive guy behind the brains, and the ambition. And mind you, the first instances of video had me talking to a torso! Yes, he was that Praning! But it was a lean and sexy torso, so I enjoyed it for a while.

These chats would happen maybe once or twice a month. Only during Friday mornings, when I would wake up early. And we covered a range of topics. But mostly, I was interested in the awakening process that was unfolding right before my eyes. However, because I still had a full Friday ahead, those chats wouldn't be very long.

So the nights of jetlag two years back gave us a chance for longer chats, uninhibited conversations that stimulated me. It was easy to like the guy, despite the paranoia that he would insert, from time to time.

His one visit to the Philippines allowed us to finally meet in person. But it had to be a breakfast meeting, because of our tight schedules. And true enough, in front of me was this smart, young and sexy chap. (I have learned not to trust online photos and personas.)

We would still manage to chat sometimes after that meet up. But gradually, it just faded. I would, from time to time, check to see if he would be online. Or even leave a message. But all I got was silence.

So, Jerkboy (I tease him), this jetlag state of mine reminded me of you. And made me wonder how you are. Have you started to realize those dreams of yours? Has that heart of yours started to beat for someone special? I sense you don't read the blog anymore. So this post about you would be too late. ( I promised to write about him then.). But know that you are fondly remembered.

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