Learned Helplessness

It's the first of October. Time just flew passed me but slapped me along the way. This is probably the most 'challenging' period in my recent history. The company continues to hobble along. The enemies are unrelenting, their resources are endless. And the battle continues to chip away the fortress foundations. I am forced to consider drastic measures. Yet for now, these will not be enough. The pressure to just keep afloat is tremendous.

The ghost month, August, came and my folks started to become ill, very ill. First it was my mom's massive stroke. Now, it is my dad's gastrointestinal surgery that is taking too long to heal and normalize. I haven't started to feel the weight until now. As I take stock of these things, the song 'Wake me up when September ends" suddenly feels relevant.

These events have conspired to tell me that there are just things beyond my control, beyond my feeble power. I try to think, could I have done something to avoid them? So typical of corporate people to think that way. The risks were mounting. What was my risk management plan?

But somehow, I feel I could only have done so much. Like for my folks' health, I can never really control their eating habits, their lifestyle. And even if I was able to, would that have guaranteed that none of this would happen?

There are things so much bigger than me. And maybe, for once, I can just accept that I am powerless against them. And I have to tap into something beyond me, too - my faith and my religion.

I emphasize my religion because I now call on Him within the context of my Catholicism. The prayers, the supplications I intone are from the rites and rituals. And I take great comfort in them.

But my faith is not just a source of strength, not some abstract form of support that psychology could explain away. Through my fervent prayer, the solutions, the answers and the healing come to me! The wisdom to solve my company's problems came during the Mass. My mom's massive stroke did not leave any trace at all. Not one slur. Not one limp. And she was out of the hospital in 2 days.

Now, the healing is focused on my father. And that is quite a struggle. But I know He will come through for him, may be not as spectacularly miraculous as my mom's. But all will be well.

As helpless I may have been, I was not entirely powerless. I am blessed with access to the limitless resource that is Him who matters, Him who cares, Him who loves.


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