Thursday, April 9, 2009

the war within

there exists this war in me. reason has declared feeling as the enemy.

if feeling has his way, id be getting into a relationship soon. i am feeling very strongly for him. i thought that the distance, the time spent away would lessen the longing. but i miss looking at him. i miss kissing him. i miss holding him tight.
something always reminds me of him. his face pops in my mind. and it doesnt help that im surrounded by all these chinese. his chinito eyes i miss so dearly.

reason is telling me that i've felt this way before. and that the feeling passed. he's too different from me. just too different. and far from the ideal that i used to hold dearly. yes he has a good heart. but so do a lot of other guys, guys more like me. besides, why would i want to give up the freedom? the joy of clandestine encounters, the thrill of the chase of a gorgeous stranger...

my head hurts. my heart aches.

11 comments:

i support enigma hehe said...

baka lang... you need to accept that when you want a partner na uli, and partner allows you to play, play means play, no extra-relationships. :)

Joaqui said...

This might probably be the most stupid comment you'll ever get here but I thought might as well share.

A friend of mine shared with me the horoscope reading a couple of weeks ago for us who were born almost before the year ends. I'm not really sure when your birthday is but I feel this reading is pretty universal. It stated, "Anylitical skills will do nothing to help your love life. Just feel."

SO, my two cents here is, if you feel it and it feels right, then go for it. When was the last time you felt that? Are you just gonna let this slip through your fingers? Just feel and do not overanalyze the whole issue. Trust your feelings for at times it can be more real than thoughts. :)

Anonymous said...

hi. it's none of my business and maybe i don't need to share, but i'm in a relationship with someone TOTALLY different from me - background, work, social status, etc. we're on our 2nd year and 9th month together. i work for the country's largest telecommunications company as an AVP. he has no work - used to, as a steward/crew in a ship. i'm 37. he's 27. i have plans, goals, ambitions. he's into daily tv and gossip about celebrities and friendster. i have siblings whose profession range from pilot to businessman to county manager. his siblings have no job and stay in the province. we're so different - yet so in love. it's probably the difference that keeps us interested. just sharing. wala lang. thanks.

Anonymous said...

isn't he worth giving up those pleasures? isn't the peace and contentment you feel with him enough? if not, then let go. you're just making yourself suffer (no matter how noble this suffering makes you feel).

Anonymous said...

bakit kaya ganon kapag todo in love ka ang sakit sakit pero masarap , ang hirap i explain eh, minsan kakatakot kasi 24/7 siya na nasa isip mo naka focus lang ang isip mo sa kanya tapos kapag di nag reply sa text mo , masakit na kaagad ang loob mo gusto mo na umiyak ,, hay buhay ng in love masarap na masakit.

joelmcvie said...

Can you call me first before you allow your feelings to go unexamined?

Ming Meows said...

love is a decision. after all it's still your decision.

Anonymous said...

Just jump into the pool and see if you like it.... if its too cold or too hot for you then get out. Simple. Don't make things overly complicated. :P

The Guy in Red Sneakers said...

been burned before ba..? ahahaha.

anyways, hafta agree with lobster-tony here.

...unless it's a relationship relationship na talaga.

closet case said...

hey enigma supporter! thanks for comment. yes, i think play means no extra emotional baggage!

why, crazy tl?

nothing stupid, joaqui. over-analyzing. i think that's a fabcast virus. hahaha

anonymous one, you should be proud of that relationship! (i guess you are!) you are both very lucky! maybe ill get that lucky too!!!

good questions, anonymous one. unfortunately, they remain unanswered...

di pa ako sigurado sa tawag sa nararamdaman ko. love na ba eto? di ko alam

hey mcvie. thanks for the offer. ill call you soon!

i like that, ming meows: love is a decision.

as i mentioned before, lobster, over analyzing and making things complicated is a fabcasters' virus!

thanks, blogger number something... hehe

The Guy in Red Sneakers said...

Adi. The name's Adi.

O kaya Blogger 531. Pwede din.

again, happy luck..!