part-time faculty get to sit with the regular, full-time professors when deliberating the standing of the students. it was my first faculty deliberation. and most of the professors there were mentors of mine when i was still a student.
i'm looking at them and seeing them so human now. it was natural for me to put 'teachers' and 'mentors' on a different plane then. i deferred to them. for some of them, i would be in awe at their brilliance. i see them now as regular people, yet people i still highly respect.
the discussions centered around awarding 'dean's list' and eventually the top honors during graduation. they really talk about the students in detail, how he/she acted in class, if the student was actually bright or lazy or had a great paper, etc.
i am suddenly reminded of the call one of the professors made to me right after deliberations for our graduation. he called to tell me that they have decided that i was the class valedictorian. BUT he also told me that there was a lot of contentious discussions leading up to the decision!
and it was because of attitude. i remember during my thesis defense, i was getting... defensive (nge) with the cross examination of one of the professors. napikon ako and blurted something sarcastic in reply, but still veiled in humor.
that turned out to be the bone of contention. that professor was saying that i didnt deserve the award. my professor/mentor rose to my defense. he cited that they were deliberating a candidate for honors, not for canonization. and he happily told me that that statement put the discussion to rest.
i didnt know if i should still be elated after that call. the fact that not all of them were on board about it made me feel... weird. but i snapped out of that soon after and happily received the award. and realized that hey, i worked for this. and i deserve this.
im now reflecting how these 'behind-the-scenes' scenarios could determine outcomes, how these could make or break people. is it wiser to know what really happened or is ignorance bliss?
4 comments:
The bliss of ignorance is only as good as... hmmm, I dunno, something - maybe denial or apathy. Hehe. But I believe that the truth will always set you and keep you free. Eventhough some things must always remain unsaid or untold, curiosity will creep in to push you to know more. Like what you felt, it was more justifying to learn about how your achievement came about, d b?
ganun pala yun, pinagdedebatehan...
ignorance is not a bliss lalo na sa ganyan. just like elections, there should always be a transparency.
actually, i wasnt even fishing for the story behind my award. my over-eager professor just volunteered to tell me the story, carrie. do i feel justified knowing that they had to come to a debate over my achievement? i really don't know... thanks for the comment, carrie!
hello m_m. parang di naman ata kailangan ng full transparency for a process like this! thanks!
for this case, ignorance is bliss:). like your prof said, they arent deliberating for a saint. hahaha. you got a witty prof there:)
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