now it can be told

earlier, i posted a dialogue with perfect man, a confession and a farewell. that dialogue didnt really transpire. i wanted to do it, i asked for a coffee date. but it never happened because we both got too busy (he cancelled that coffee date). but in my mind and in my heart, i still wanted that conversation to finally take place.

it finally happened, that bittersweet moment, a few days ago.

i invited him to dinner this time, at a nice, secluded date place that i love. i fetched him and brought him there. there was wine, antipasto and full dinner. and though the conversation seemed strained at first, it relaxed and quickly picked up as we talked about his trips and mine.

i found out more about his longtime partner, how it came about. and how much they have both invested in what they have. and he touched on some current relationship concerns (a very jealous lover his partner has become).

and he confided his own recent explorations (late bloomer) but always knowing his limits. i probed into an 'almost-affair' he had but he felt strongly that it was never going there. he knew how he wouldn't jeopardize his relationship for this other person.

that, and the wine, emboldened me to finally say my piece.

after much fiddling, i finally admitted to him how strongly i feel for him. how i feel that he is the perfect man for me. how i, despite what i feel, will not cause him or his relationship trouble. just like how i wrote it pretty much. what i didnt anticipate was his answer.

i feel the same way towards you. if you were that person i got almost involved with, i would probably have had a major dilemma. if you consider me the perfect person, i also think you are perfect. i have been fantasizing about how it would be if we were lovers. i feel that you would be a lot more relaxed, less jealous compared to my partner.

i want us to stay in touch. but i understand what you mean. i'd still like to see you and find out how you're doing.

i emphasized that i would not text him anymore. but i would always reply should he text me. and should he need me for whatever reason, i will be there for him.

we left the restaurant, relieved that all of this is finally out in the open. back in the office building, he asked to use the rest rooms and have some water. i hurriedly opened the office and got him water.

as i approached him, he hugged me, he hugged me tight. and i hugged him back. and finally, the kiss. after having imagined this for countless nights, i have finally felt how it is to kiss my perfect man.

i remain in a daze over what happened. but i have remained true to my word, and have stopped initiating sending him SMS. but every time he sends me a message, i reply, promptly.

i do not expect anything anymore. i have been blessed with having known that the perfect man exists. and that for a single moment, i was able to kiss him and hug him. he may not be mine. but during that moment, he was.