when in disgrace
with fortune and men's eyes
i all alone beweep my outcast state
and trouble-deaf heaven
with my bootless cries
and look upon myself
and curse my fate
i have forgotten most of the poems of my school days. these are the first lines of the sonnet i remember most, sonnet 29. the other sonnet, 18, i remember in full.
i remember these now as i recall my chats with friends the past few days. and it seems that 'fortune and men's eyes', i have been 'disgraced'.
one of them, ill call him matt, wishes that i find my true love soon. he almost sounds desperate as he discusses with our group his search for my partner-in-life (PIL). he told me that there was this hunky acquaintance that he wanted me to meet. the way he describes the guy, a professor of engineering (di ba, macho?), a fitness enthusiast (ran the NY marathon twice!), from a wealthy family (who seems to accept him for what he is), the guy sounds too good to be true. i finally met him by chance when i dropped by matt's place and he also dropped off his gift to matt.
good grief. the guy is gorgeous. mestizo hunk. wow. masters in robotics. and he is for real. the catch: he is actually interested in matt. unfortunately, matt is very much attached (past 15yrs). but it seems like the guy still wants to pursue. how lucky could my friend matt get?
at another time, i was with another friend. and he was telling me about how his single life has been (recent break-up). and though he still pines for his ex, he is not wanting when it comes to the dates availability department. he has been hooking up with some of the people i find very attractive. as in nakuha niya yung mga type ko, especially my big crush. ouch. another very lucky friend.
the lines of the sonnet suddenly became real. and i am all alone beweeping my outcast state.
thankfully, dear Reader made me feel much, much better. but i still couldnt help but wonder how some friends around me seem to be having all the luck...and all the fun.
but i am not one to storm heaven with agonizing 'why me's'. because everytime i am tempted to ask that, i also remind myself that during the good times, i can just as easily as 'why me'.
so i am thankful for friends who share their good fortune. i live vicariously in their experience and feel the same kilig.
plastic =)
10 comments:
jetblue: hahaha, panalo ung last line..
Hmmm...kaya siguro seni-set up ka ni Matt kay Robotics ay para tigilan na siya nito, no? He's dumping him onto your lap. haha
hey jetblue! hahaha. well, yun ang totoo!
hi bq! i wouldnt mind settling for hand me downs!
Hay naku, I have three words for you:
Tup. Per. Ware.
=)
you're not the only one...
i still have to make peace with it.
LOL!
merry christmas, cc.
Hmm... checking the timeline, one thinks he knows friend number 2. Hahaha
-Dirty Laundry Boy
Naku, im commenting at 5 in the morning. I can hear the church bells na. Enough gayness.
"Good things come to those who wait..." - kamote-ako ;-)
imeem.com/brianq
hey .... i remember reading your blog some time back and was thinking this CC is having all the luck. with doctors, lawyers, actors, basketball players .....
award winning teh!
yung trophy made in china!
hahaha! Funny esp when I found out the "catch"-- the all-too-perfect guy actually liked matt! At the same time, i can relate to you . . . then (this was so 2008, but I came across your blog only now and got interested). I'm quite familiar, too, with Shakespeare's Sonnet #28! I hope all is well with you now- 2015! Me, I'm still single . . . since birth, haaayy! But I'm beginning to make a paradigm shift on love and single-blessedness . . . after all these years!
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