Tuesday, August 14, 2012

cc quickie: a wave washes over me

The piano solos from Shame frames the melancholia of this dark, dreary, rainy day.  I feel like I'm watching my movie, seated in the back of the car, seeing the signs of life pass by. Seeing but not seeing.  For I am inside my head, inside my heart. The piano plucks these heartstrings so exquisitely.  It brings into perspective a life, otherwise successful, but now seemingly just a failure. The many mistakes made like raindrops collecting in a puddle.  Collecting, never emptying, never forgotten or forgiven. And how the patterns repeat, over and over again.  And all one sees is a failure of growth.   It is comforting to know that all these may just be hormones.  Just biological determinants of sentiments swirling.  That I am so beholden to those neurotransmitters circulating, that all ramblings don't actually mean anything.  But they are just manifestations of something as impersonal, as scientific, as innocuous as... hormones. Yet, there is a real object to this.  Something real stimulating it.  Would I still feel this way if those hormones are not acting up?  Or would I still feel this way if that stimulus wasn't there?

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