staying sexually sober

doesnt seem to make sense, huh? am playing up on the sex addiction much like alcoholism. hehe. so this actually means staying celibate... trying to.

i've had too much fun. and i know it has got to stop sometime. i am attached. and i love my partner. and though i know he senses this, i know he wishes i wouldnt.

so a mid-year resolution to stay celibate. but my problem is, could I still do it? sex is just so easy for us. one trip to the gym solves the rashes and the itchiness (if you're not too picky). or a massage or even an innocuous stroll in the mall could turn into an adventure (did i tell you about... hehehe. just kidding).

i was in bed malate during gay pride night. hmmm. jampacked. a lot of 'available' guys around. wasn't getting much look-my-way-thingies so i figured that this is really the best time to stay sober! hahaha. clean fun! clean fun! deliberately trying NOT to stare lustfully.

friend of mine nudged me towards one cute guy. so i danced with him, cuddled him. he seemed not too interested though, to his credit, he was staying beside me. really liked his eyes, his nose. cute young thing. but you know what, i left him there. told him i was sleepy (it was 4am). i did offer to take him home (clean fun, clean fun) but young thing declined. but the big thing for me was that I DIDNT ASK FOR HIS NUMBER! a part of me really wanted to. but heck, i had to prove to myself i could stay sober. took a lot out of me. i am still in my 'what-if' period... but i give myself a pat on the back. i could have clean fun. so far.