Thursday, September 6, 2007

partner time

I am spending a few days with partner out of town. Seeing him again yesterday brought back the warm and fuzzy feeling. First time for us to be in Queen City of the South. We went around and had a good time. Being with him is being at home… comfortable. It’s comfort coming from having been together for quite some time. Comfort from the shared memories, shared favorites. Comfortable because we weren’t arguing. And he seemed not to be in any combative mood.

Blogging has made me an observer of my own life. I catch myself looking at me, looking at my emotions, eager to translate this into words I could post.

Here I was, holding hands with my partner in a cab downtown. Then I remember I was just with Enigma earlier, in the same intimate pose as I left for the airport. Two different hands. Two different people. I love them in two different ways.

One is like that pair of shorts or that shirt you just cant consign to the trash bin. You love that piece of clothing, no matter what people say. You lounge in it, do probably nothing and everything in it.

The other one is the must-have of the season, the it-bag or accessory. you fantasized about it and finally, its in your hands. you just love the way it feels or looks on you. and wouldnt you want to be seen with it??

with the way i describe it, i am sure there are conclusions to be made... soon the trend changes, the fashion becomes passe. the must-have becomes so yesterday.

and i will go back to the familiar, to the comfortable.

but since these are people, not shirts or accessories... i cannot make such conclusions so hastily

enigma continues to enthrall me. i discover more sweetness.
or he might just get tired of this arrangement and opt out.
partner himself grows and changes. we have had less arguments, more intimacy.
partner may not be here to come back to. this thing might blow up in my face and he'll just leave me cold.

hay... never as simple... me and my complicated life.

7 comments:

YAJNAT said...

comfort zones...so nice...so warm...yet human as we are,,, loves the joy rides...the excitement...the thrills that comes with it...

nah,,,as long as no emotions being played with except mine,,,im really up to it...

hehehehheheh must have shifty eyes...:)

DATS said...

all the best, I hope you and your partner will have the very best that the world can offer... and I hope you'll find the right way to simplify the complication that your relationship is dealing with...nice post by the way!

Anonymous said...

There is this line from the book "She's come undone"

"It's not that I don't love you. It's just that I have outgrown you"

Is this relevant to you now? To whom would you address it?

Ragnar

closet case said...

yajnat - i really wouldnt wish this for anyone - though playing this philandering role is cinematic. it looks great in the movies. you feel so 'special'. that's an emotional high right there. but the roller coaster goes down to...

dats - thanks for the well wishes! i hope it turns out for the best, with the least tears cried, blood spilt!

ragnar - i havent outgrown partner.. i may outgrow enigma... yikes.

f i l l i b u s t e r o said...

a disaster waiting to happen ata ito kapatid.
the blue pill or the red pill?

closet case said...

i know... :(

josh said...

so much had happen na pala since d last time i visited, no.1 here, no.2 there, so when will d 3 of you meet? (While u were sleeping kaya???)