It's HERE!!!

I was just flipping through the broadsheets when this ad literally made me jump from my sofa!

Circa late 90s, mazda launched various models in the phils: 323, familia, mpv. They eventually introduced the Miata here at a very affordable price of about P600T+. I wanted that roadster so badly but cc then was still cheap closet.

Mazda pulled out soon after. The Miata eventually became a collector item. They were back in the Phils in 04, partly due to the success of Ford here. They've launched the 3, the 6, tribute, etc. And ive been waiting for them to bring the Miata back, but now known as the MX-5. And now the wait is over! It will be launched big time at the Fort on April 3.

The only problem is that the MX-5 is now P1.99M!! Still way beyond cc's budget. Actually, cc doesnt even have a budget since there's still sexyback!

But its a beauty. We immediately drove over to the nearest showroom to ogle.

Sigh. Besides, aura-reader said i shouldnt make any major investments this year.

But i can dream, can't i? :-)

Dating and the Single PLU

Hey single PLU's and doubles playing single. =)

quick survey on dating habits
- do you do blind dates?
- do you have sex on the 1st date?
- do you have multiple dating partners or do you date 'exclusively' with one?

just curious!

Enigma does a Beckham

I used to tell him that going semi-kal wil suit him. But he was too scared then.

He surprised me with a call last week and told me he finally had his hair shaved. I just had to see for myself.

I liked what i saw! I knew it would fit him. And though he gained some pounds, he still looked great!

an intimate inter-faith dinner

i spent black saturday with a date at my friend and his lover's place up in the hills of rizal. i love going to his humble abode. he has this big garden, nicely maintained by his young lover (my friend is my age. lol). and they have this beautiful domestic life. over wine and eventually some beer, the discussion ranged from Leona Lewis (whom I knew nothing about) to believing and faith and being gay.

the nice thing about it was that we actually represented different belief systems: im catholic, practicing (trying), my friend is catholic, non-practicing), his lover is raised as jehovah's witness and my date is muslim. we all presented our views about our faith, how this affects our sexuality, etc. there was certainly that atmosphere of just understanding and accepting, never of judgment and "i know better"

it just makes me wonder why can't we all just co-exist like this? then my friend quotes from a book he is reading currently. we would solve all the world's problems if all the religious leaders got together and just said "my way is not the only way."

i got technical and started to think of how the 2nd law of thermodynamics, entropy, could also apply to humans. to put it rather simplistically, entropy talks about how differences in systems (pressure, temperature) will tend to equalize (or reach equilibrium) in time. low entropy is a state where systems exist (boundaries are clear) and these systems, side by side have differences (e.g. temperature difference between a glass of cold water and room). however, in time, these systems will tend towards equilibrium (a state of higher entropy) as the heat of the room will be absorbed the glass of cold water. hence, the differences will disappear in the 'mix'.

human systems currently have clear boundaries, clear delineations in sex, sexual preference, race, culture, religion. and this state of low entropy results in conflicts as the boundaries are 'protected'. but in time, these differences will hopefully disappear as human systems mix more and more (globalization), as boundaries become less 'important' and harmonious co-existence becomes more.

and in the intimate inter-faith dinner, where boundaries were not important, where there was no need to protect 'my faith' or 'my belief system', we four found a higher state of equilibrium, brought by unconditional acceptance and understanding.

Amazing Conversion

i'm reading my latest Time magazine issue cursorily. Anne Rice is featured in the 10 Questions regular column. Her vampire stories, her GAY vampire stories, captivated Ex previously. As I was reading this, i was surprised to read that she had converted from atheism to Christianity.

How did you evolve from writing about vampires to writing about the life of Jesus? —Tonya Solomon Flushing, Mich.

It was a personal conversion. After 38 years of being an atheist, faith came back to me. I had to stop writing about vampires, because they had been a metaphor for lost souls. Instead, I made up my mind to concentrate on Jesus Christ.

i'm personally amazed at this conversion after 38 years, after much success as a writer. as you read the article, you will note that this conversion was a culmination of a search of many, many years. 'wrestling with theological questions' as she puts it. and that search ended with a simple 'I love you', (to Jesus).

Amazed because i see her as a very intelligent woman grappling with such deep philosophical/theological issues. many others reject Christianity or believing because they 'reason' otherwise with their high intellect. She used her intellect to find her faith.

A beautiful Easter message...

lola's new candy

i have always been a madonna fan. i was proud to have loved her in early '85 with 'everybody' and 'holiday'! i remember dying to have a poster of her. at that time there was nuthin. then of course, she exploded into the global phenomenon she now enjoys. i kept the magazine interviews (especially Time which featured her on the cover).

after 10 studio albums, my lola is back with Hard Candy, her last album with Warner. the carrier single teams her up with Justin Timberlake. I am suddenly reminded of how Ate Vi continues to be paired with actors half her age. hahaha. heard its been getting airplay but i hardly listen to the radio anymore (blame the iPod).

suddenly, im in my 20's again, eagerly awaiting the single, hoping i'd be the first to have the maxi-single, etc. etc.

then i realize i dont have the time nor the energy to go through that. so ill just admire my lola from here, from limewire and from youtube!

reviewing the enigma story

i found myself reviewing my posts on enigma, on partner. brought back the memories, the pain, the emotional highs. and i read your comments again and found comfort. so telenovela talaga ang naging buhay ko nuon. and that was just last year.

someone asked me about enigma, whether ill be seeing him again. ive seen enigma twice since my break-up. he was actually my valentine date. and we went out again with a friend of his about a week before i left for hk.

i still find him quite attractive. the eyes, the lips, the nose i liked. and being with him again was not awkward at all, as i initialy expected. and he warmed up to me almost instantly. there was the intimacy again. and the jokes.

but im in no hurry to get into anything with him. besides he is leaving, perhaps next year. no, i wont get into another LDR, for sure. enigma remains a sweet, sweet thing... but we hardly text anymore.

and im meeting a lot of new people now. spending time with really nice, hot guys. and im enjoying it.

so even as the enigma story was one blockbuster, it need not be told again.

but reading it also made me remember my feelings towards partner. how much i loved him. and how innocently i viewed him. and how naive i was. *sigh* all over now...

books im reading

i've started reading two books i got from my trip to NY: Mother Teresa's come be my light and Chi Running by Danny Dreyer. The book on Mother Teresa is subtitled "the Private Writings of the 'Saint of Calcutta'". This is a collection of her very private letters to her spiritual director, her friend-priests and some notes about herself. The collection was featured last year by Time Magazine due to the potential questions it would raise about her 'saintliness'. I am just in my 1st chapter so I cant comment yet. However, i asked my sister to give this book as a gift because i was curious about the spiritual void and darkness she supposedly suffered for years and years. To the outside world she continued to do all the beautiful works she did for the poor of Calcutta. Yet her interior life was a bundle of confusion, of pain.

the 2nd book was lent to me by my brother-in-law. Chi Running is a particular way of running that's supposedly 'injury-free'. it comes from eastern concepts of chi, balance and allowing your body to be in a relaxed, natural state. the paradigm is very different from western ideas of running, based on power and strength. i used to enjoy running, well more jogging than running. yet i begun to have all these foot and knee problems i had to stop. but ive started to embrace the principles of the book and have gotten back to running again.

what are you reading?

Pinoy English (the sequel)

thanks, dear readers, for the comments on this post! special mention: DiscreetManila for pasting a Wiki Entry (sounds like wicked entry - hehehe) on the topic! that was a superb read! complete with the linguistic ek-ek as it described and analyzed the way we speak english.

this sequel, however, is prompted by a post by gibbs cadiz in his blog, a comment on the comments about poor janina. one particular comment on the post by rody veyra got me thinking:

to illustrate another point: In a reading of Nick Joaquin's A Portrait of the Artist As Filipino held in New York some years back, a number of Filipino American actors found the lines of the play too stilted and hackneyed. They found the construction of the sentences "kinda weird." Nick Joaquin, our beloved National Artist, was one of the best Filipino writers in English and yet, his brand of English couldn't stand up to par with those actors from New York. F. Sionil Jose's novels have been distributed by american Publishers and one of the reasons why these publishers love his works is that his English is "peculiarly Filipino." Something that many Filipino writers have disparaged Jose's exact same works here for not being written in English quite well.

this country has evolved a certain kind of English that people around the world would not probably relate to-- and that's not something you pick up in school entirely. The way we use English is unique to us Fiiipinos. The way we appropriate the syntax, and the diction and the idioms to suit our way of hearing, our way of thinking all contribute to develop an English language that's uniquely our own. and so even if English in this country is all around you as you claim. It's how people use it-- all around you. that's exactly what you'll pick up.

and this is also the point that DiscreetManila made in his comment, at least the way i understood it. that we need not be apologetic about the particular way we speak English. that it is a sub-dialect.

i guess my thinking on the matter is evolving.

i wrote the original post wanting to improve my way of speaking English, making it conform better to the way Americans speak it. My thought was if Americans (in general) found my English 'peculiar', then there must be something to improve on (or there must be something wrong with it).

but reading these comments is making me re-think my thoughts (?). as long as i am understood, as long as my English is not grossly incorrect in basic grammar, do i need to 'improve' it? even my chinese american friend was saying that technically, it is not our (pinoy) problem that we speak this way. it really is up to the our audience to understand us. because our English, no matter how 'peculiar' or how archaic our word choices are, is a product of how we, as a country, learned it, how we have used it up to this point in time.

up till somebody pointed it out to me (chinese american was not the first), i didnt think my English was 'peculiar'. and i was pretty much getting by wherever i went.

and if i continue to 'improve' my English to make it conform better to the way Americans speak it, then i start asking myself 'why am i choosing American English as my baseline?' why am I not using British English (where it came from anyway) or Australian English, etc? suddenly, there this moving reference point. and im not comfortable about reference points that move (or those that could be questioned).

so where am i at this point? hmmm. definitely, i will strive to speak English in conformity with basic grammatical rules (rules common to American, British english, that is). i will be continue to be curious about how my Pinoy English may sound peculiar to other speakers (Americans, British, Indians, etc.), noting differences in context. and that curiosity may lead me to be conscious of my Pinoy English when i am speaking to other speakers. And in the process, i may end up revising my English if only to be understood better. But i shouldnt have to be apologetic about it. I embrace my history, i embrace my being Pinoy and i continue to be proudly Pinoy, Pinoy English and all!

IJ case 3: Towel Club

I was supposed to visit the other sauna, CE (for Central Escalator)... supposedly very well established. Until i started getting comments from readers about the Towel Club. The journalist in me smelled a story here. So i followed me lead...

it wasnt too hard to find, in wan chai district. you'll know when you see this nice chinese dragon sculpture right outside the building. after my wanton shopping spree (and after dropping off my stuff at my friend's place) i went to Towel. for starters, i like the brand name - the Towel Club. reminds me of this exclusive for high-end businessmen & executives in manila - the Tower Club. hehehe

their lobby and reception interiors already blew me away. WOW. and they are strict about this being 'members only'. so i had to pay the $49 membership fee and $98 entrance. membership is good for one year. (something tells me ill be back in HK this year! hehehe)

the interiors really look great. probably the best designed (and the newest) among the saunas in HK. plenty of lockers. its bigger than ABC because of the jacuzzi. i honestly felt dazed going around it because there aint no signs! the lounge (which was the 1st i discovered) looks out to the jacuzzi/shower area! that's a nice touch. you could actually check out who's in the pool while pretending to be reading or doing email (yes they have two internet stations).

common shower area for 6 pax in front of the jacuzzi. really dark wet sauna. maze had mirrors (embarrassingly, i bumped into one of them!!! i thought it was a hallway. ang dilim kaya!!!) looked very clean.

clientele - very young. it turned out that twinks get in for free on wednesdays. i really didnt see much to look at (twinks arent my type). just one caucasian. about two south asians, maybe. one was okay but quickly disappeared from view.

i was kinda disappointed because i didnt have choices. and yes, i didnt 'partake' at all. but i suppose on other days this place would be hot. the place looks really great. if only for the interiors, id recommend a visit!

Cram Shopping

talk about cramming. i had to do all my shopping in one day, before i leave for manila thursday. so splurge to death! hahaha. how to burn money in so many hours! i got my summer outfits completed! i discovered this value brand Uniqlo in tsim shat tsui area. they have everything i wanted (shirts, work-out wear, tank tops!) at very reasonable prices! then i got some items at HOM (swimwear), Zara (board shorts & new sling bag), perfumes at Sasa (where else! puro discount kaya!) and some office shirts from G2000. then i bought all the rest of pasalubongs at bossini! all in one day! all at incredible value! hehe

notice the dominant color? yup, bright red! this is partly a result of the aura reading. she told me to wear red to counter the 'negativity' of this rat year for horses. kaya naparami ang pula.

mission accomplished!

Hike Buddy

hike buddy daw oh. =) aj made me remember that i used to do these 'cartoonized' imgaes of playmates and dates previously!

a date like no other

chinese american did call my friend last night, around 1130pm, to confirm our trip tomorrow. i prefer to call it a date but he doesnt know that. hihi

we met up at an mtr station. and we proceeded to the new territories area of HK. after two bus trips and a cab ride, we were at the Sai Kung country park up in the hills. we started hiking up and down the slopes of the hills of the area. i didnt imagine HK would have all these beautiful natural scenery, so close to the city.

we are reminded that we are still in urban HK because the trails are paved, there are signposts along the way to help determine where you are if you need to be rescued. and they are very strict about 'bringing your litter home' (dont throw your trash anywhere).

but the hike was great, with enough slopes to challenge and burn those calories. the trail brings you to three beaches. one more isolated than the rest. it was amazing. nice white sand, clear cold water! there were about two restaurants in the area, nothing swanky.

chinese american and i had tons of fun just talking, teasing as were walking. it started quite formal but progressed to be more casual and intimate. he is witty, funny, concerned and smart. and he speaks like a zillion languages.

at the beach, we swam in the buff. my first time but hell, who cares. we didnt stay too long swimming because it was just so cold. but that was so liberating for me... and envigorating.

then it was late lunch at the resto there. chinese cuisine, simple and straightforward, accompanied by san miguel beer... by the beach, great conversation.. wow, it couldnt get any better than this...

then it was a hike another way to end up at the pier. we took a boat ride to the bus station. then it was home... home for me, class for him

chinese american is a great guy. but i get the sense that he may just not be into me. which is all the better because nothing really can be expected to come out of this...

but it was a date i wouldnt forget... a really nice way to cap my vacation in HK

Pinoy English

I've just spent the day hiking. And my tour guide, my new chinese american friend, was telling me about his observations of the way Filipinos speak English. He noted some terms we use which Americans would find... peculiar, not wrong. only because the terms may not be in use anymore in Everyday Conversation by Americans:

"Please wait for a while" - this is an eye-opener for me. we Pinoys say this to mean waiting for a short time. Americans would get confused because 'a while" means a long time. Which is why Americans would say "please wait for a moment" or "for a short while".

Suitors and courting. they hardly talk about suitors or courting there anymore. Some of them would actually start laughing if these words were used in a sentence. its turn-of-the-century English, he says.

"Are you dining in?" Nothing wrong with it. But 'to dine' is hardly used as a verb. They talk about 'wine and dine' as nouns.

Debut. This coming-out party for 18 year olds is no longer celebrated in middle America. He gets surprised to be invited to a 'debut'.

"Falling in line". This is a very military term which again, fell in disuse. They would 'form a line' not 'fall in line'.

Thrice. Once, twice, THREE times a Lady. They don't say 'thrice'.

This is just a sample of things he noticed. Again, nothing really wrong with it (except for the 'a while' term which is confusing). And we talked about it not in the context of correcting me. But only in strictly observational terms. Besides, he mentions that Anericans would understand us anyway.

But I mentioned that it wouldnt hurt to learn about these things and do some corrective action, in the hope that we are understood better or that we would 'sound better'.

home crasher

i crash homes when i travel abroad. in wales, it was my nurse-friend's home. in dubai, it was one sister's. in new york, it was another sister's. in new jersey, yet another sister's. (i got four) here in hongkong, its my classmate's place.

i feel guilty but my hosts, they are just all so gracious. (its not like im totally uninvited) but i realize that i do disrupt schedules and lives while i stay over. and they don't seem to mind. they are just good people i guess. but i really value the time i get to spend with them, with their loved ones. and i realize how lucky i am to be able to crash at their homes.

so i try to minimize the disruption, as much as i could. try to keep out their way. make sure that my bed, whether its the sofa bed or whatever is in order when i get up. yet these are really just little things...

so to all my hosts, id just like to thank you for being so kind and generous and understanding!

Lutong Macao

Literally. Spent the whole day in this former Portugese colony. Place is fìlled with our kababayans, most of whom work in the grand casino hotels mushrooming here.

Portugese cuisine we sampled at a quaint resto by the beach on the island of Coloane, Ristorante Fernando. We tried the sausage, choriÇo, the bacalhao salad, the sardines. The sardines was great, fresh, newly cooked, seasoned with olive oil, vinegar. We had that with Portugese cabernet. Awesome.

Best part is the bonding time with my friend, from way back in 3rd grade!

p.s. Chinese American didnt reply to my texts. Bubble burst. Moving on! =)

my SATC moment

im now on SATC Season 6 but i still remember a Season 5 episode when Carrie met Jack Burger at the publishing house. instant chemistry between two writers. from that meeting at the office they spent the time at the park, talking some more.

i remember how coquettish Carrie was as she was being introduced to Jack. kilig moment.

and now back to my reality.

my friend told me last night that we were going to have lunch Sunday with other friends of his, one of which was a Pinoy PLU couple and a Chinese American.

the sweet couple arrived first at the dimsum rest and we had a nice chat. 20years of being together! and they look like they still enjoy each other so much.

chinese american arrived last. wow. he didnt look chinese at all. and yes, he was wow. tall, lean and quite cute (not necessarily drop-dead gorgeous) anyway, at first, he was paying more attention to the others, only because they've been hanging out together.

anyway, as the lunch progressed, he was turning me to me, indulging in some small talk. and i was liking the moment, pa-simple na lumalandi but i didnt want to be too obvious.

after lunch, we were all going our separate ways. he was going to the gym, i was going to hear Mass, friend and the couple also had their activities. one of the couple volunteered to show me the way to the church, cutting through HK park. i was pretty confident i'd find my way, though, because i had a map.

but eventually, they talked chinese american to accompany me so i wouldnt get lost. and he didnt seem to hesitate. so my kilig is like starting to grow as we were left alone.

the stroll on a nice balmy sunday afternoon in HK park was starting to acquire a different flavor. as we walked by the pathways, we got to talking, chatting and having fun. he volunteered to do a detour to explore the nicer parts of the park (the conservatory, the aviary). and he didnt seem to be in any hurry to go to the gym anymore.

funny sundays in the park had a lot of newly-wedded couples having their pictures taken. as in brides in FULL bridal gear with husbands in black tuxedoes posing for the cameras. we probably saw about 5 couples. sheesh. this walk was turning so much more romantic.

the highlight was when he volunteered to accompany me hiking in the 'natural' sceneries of HK, the other side of HK as he calls it. we were going to keep in touch to finalize plans.

ok, ok. its no date but hell, its still kilig to imagine that it could be. im just so carrie at that moment, relishing that walk in the park, and romanticizing that hike.

babaw no? wala lang. sarap lang magpantasya.

IJ case 2: HK club scene

when in rome... what do HK PLU's do on a saturday night? two years ago, i visited three clubs: rice bar, meilinfan and of course, propaganda. on this trip i found out that rice and meilinfan have closed! a relatively new kid on the block, volume, is the place to go. of course, propaganda is still very much around.

my friend and i checked out volume. he doesnt go out as much so this is a virgin case, too. we easily found the place. not too big. just one main area with some cocktail tables around and seating by the walls. not too impressive, design-wise. which may be deliberate. hmm. not too many people at first (saturday night 1230am). then filled up by 130am. crowd quickly fizzled by 245am. a handful of nice looking chaps. a lot of locals, quite a young crowd. some caucasians.

friend and i were looking for the pinoys. there will always be one or a few, especially since Disney opened. soon after, right beside where we were staying, where a pole was strategically placed, two young guys were hamming it up on the pole having tremendous fun pole-dancing. one was really having fun, being sexy, making like this vegas stripper as he worked that pole. friend of mine asks and confirms - they're pinoy and they're with Disney! pretty soon, we were a group dancing, about two more of their friends joined us.

then, quite suddenly, people started leaving. our Disney friends had to go home because they live quite far. friend and i transferred to of course, propaganda. and it was PACKED, at 3am! so many PLUs, locals with their caucasian boyfriends. in my first 5 minutes there, one was pulling me closer to him to dance, somebody passing behind me was kissing my neck and another was smiling sweetly from the dance floor. luck be the lady!!!!

but a quick change of position changed my fortune. i had to avoid the aggressive ones so i positioned somewhere else. and suddenly, no more flirting, no one was making passes anymore. what happened?

oh well, not my luck anymore that night. friend and i ended having breakfast at McDo at 5am.

so volume is the before-propaganda place. okay for hanging out. but for making out, nothing beats propaganda, no matter what other jaded locals would have you believe.

investigative journalism (IJ) case: the HK sauna

the HK sauna is not the Manila sauna. it is not like the spas we visit for chukchak (massage) and everything else. the HK sauna is a bathhouse. and there are quite a few in this place! i believe this is a favorite pasttime of HK locals, and has become quite a tourist attaction, too!

in the cause of investigative journalism, i visited one. no, this is not my first time to visit one. but my first time since i became a blogger. (i say that with so much conviction i actually believe it! hehehe)

all boys club, or ABC. part of a chain (chain! di ba parang mercury drug??) located in tsim sha tsui. very accessible (right where there is an MTR exit!). not too big but clean. wet floors are also quite small. an open shower area (as in OPEN) for about 6 people. tiny wet sauna, tinier dry sauna. both are totally devoid of lighting.

maze of rooms not too labyrinthine, because it's not such a big place. cubicles have either floor leather mats or beds. some have mirrors. one had a sling! all had toilet paper dispensers, lube dispensers and trash cans. common areas have condoms for free.

it was right after office hours when i visited. place was just filling up. broad range of clientele - from the young and nubile local to the geriatric caucasian. saw one or two who were interesting enough.

people here are not as maarte. either they like you or they dont. they follow if they do. and they touch you. push away if you are not interested. otherwise, indulge.

i remember my first time in an HK sauna. i met a true local. really cute. and we got it on. perfect, almost. except for that odor. no, nothing so offensive. just distinctively... intsik. not enough to dampen my libido. but enough for me to notice.

i would recommend the place. they'd give you a 10% discount after the first visit, honored at all their branches! GEE WHIZ. they sound like McDonald's!

enjoy, people.

Hatchlings!

We have a pair of Cuckatils (? - they look like crested parrots), Frodo and Prada, who recently became parents to two hatchlings. The little ones look so fragile, about two inches in size. My folks are ecstatic over the newest members of our growing winged family. We had love birds before but they never successfully bred. Btw, that's not my hand. :-)

an aura of truth and hope

i had my first aura reading recently. the reader, a nice comely mestiza probably in her late 40's, welcomed me into her home. she gave me the usual caveats - this is based on what she 'reads' and does not have to mean that it will happen. she sees past, present and future images. she's very visual and would describe these images to you. she reads for 45mins and allows you 15mins of Q&A. fair enough.

she surprised me by asking about telling me up front a message: whatever it is that seems to be hanging, end it. no loose ends. nothing to be left hanging. no remnants. end it. cut it. get it over with. i should have made that decision two years ago.

hearing her talk like that, so directly, with no inkling whatsoever, i felt this cold wave wash over me. and i proceeded to confirm that she may be referring to my very recent break-up with ex. at first she doubted her own statements, since i told her i already broke up with him. but when i told her that we are still sharing the condo, she realized what she her statements meant.

cc, its not doing you any good. too many memories. you need to move on and get this over with.

your ex has already found someone long before. he was actually preparing to break up with you. but something happened. i see a door closing... yes, he was counting on that door but it closed. and he didnt have a Plan B. and worse, you broke up with him. he's in a very sorry state now. and he might try to fix things with you.

but be wary. wanting to fix things with you may be more for his convenience than for you and for the relationship.

i was dumbfounded. this was some sort of confirmation. i should have trusted my intuition two years ago.

i asked: does he still love me? cc, i told you. there's somebody else. he stopped that a long time ago.

knife cuts my heart deep. but i quickly recover. for she talks about work and the challenges i will face. she mentions family and the business. and then she goes back to talking about my love life.

your next relationship will be the one that would last a long, long time. but this wont happen this year. mid-2009 perhaps. meanwhile, just have fun dating.

the reading ended on an optimistic note. and though i take these readings not as seriously, i happen to enjoy thinking about the possibilities presented by the reading.

and it also reinforced my own feelings for myself - yes, i am the marrying kind. if it were legal, with no stigmas, no hang-ups, i would love to declare my love to my partner with God and family, friends as witnesses. it's not so much as a piece of paper but as a declaration of my 'word', as legal and binding. so when i announce to the whole world that i, corporate closet, take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part..

i better mean it.

pondo ng pinoy

this mineral water bottle is filled with coins, particularly P1, P.25 coins. i save up all my coins, put it here for donation to the pondo ng pinoy project of the archdiocese of manila, headed by cardinal rosales. he was inspired by one of the gospel readings where a smart samaritan woman asks for graces from Jesus. and as Jesus tells her that food is reserved for those at the dining table, not the dogs, she counters that even dogs eat from the crumbs that fall off the table. brilliant remark, isnt it? even Jesus was amazed!

cardinal rosales was inspired by this: he is asking for 'crumbs' from our tables. those that we will eventually just 'throw away'. he was actually referring to the "P.25 and even P.10 coins that have hardly any value nowadays. but if put together, it would still mean a lot.

so in our parish, we are encouraged to save these coins for donation to the project. these are virtual crumbs anyway.

i include the P1 coins only because they get so heavy in the pockets. it took me three months to fill this up. and i just gave it this morning.

you guys might have some crumbs to spare? :)

SATC: are you the marrying kind?

SATC Season 4, Episode its that heart-breaking episode when Aidan says goodbye with finality. primarily because Carrie didnt want to marry him... yet (maybe). funny but they were engaged, yet she couldnt commit to marrying him, to a wedding date. DATS posted this previously.

cut to yesterday morning. I was going to serve (as lector) at a wedding mass. the f**king groom arrived 40 minutes late for his own wedding. we were already wondering whether the guy had a change of heart. perhaps he didnt want to marry her? he chickened out? well all that became moot and academic when he did appear.

PLU that we are, marriage is one institution we don't have access to. we have some brave souls who are fighting to legalize this, or recognize it in one form or the other. but it's not happening, yet, maybe... i dont really know.



but suddenly i find my self wondering, if there was such a thing as gay marriage, would i actually get married?

knee jerk reaction would have been.. of course! but then again, isnt this just conditioning? perhaps we, even us PLUs, have been programmed to believe in marriage, so we take it in whatever form we could now - primarily through long-time companionship, joint ownership of property, business, etc.

but maybe like the way Carrie is wondering, not all of us are the marrying kind. not all of us have that marrying gene built in. and i look at my failed relationships and wonder, maybe im not the marrying kind. maybe i find ways to mess up my relationships so they dont end up lasting. hmmm. i really dont know.

how about you? are you the marrying kind? if gay marriage was legal, would you want to get married?

the song haunts me

i havent seen daybreak. but ive wanted to. just didnt want to go watch alone. im blog-hopping and i note two blogs talking about the song nag-iisa, wala ka na played in the movie. so i played the youtube...

... and immediately, from the high of today, i became catatonic just listening to it.

and my break-up sinks in once again. how my life has become so different now. how for seven years it was nice, well at least for the first five years... or during the time i was still deceiving myself...

i havent cried as much as i did with my previous break-ups. i actually cried just a bit on the night of the break-up, coming home for the first time since. i dont know why.

some people tell me i look so happy, so.. relieved over the break-up. by and large, i am. but i cannot deny the few moments it hits me.

like now.

nag-iisa. wala na siya.



and i realize why... it will be one month tomorrow since we broke up.

IT'S MY BLOG'S ANNIVERSARY!!!

I didnt realize till now that today, Corporate Closet - The Blog, is one year old!!! SUS! One year old since I first posted this memorandum! I can still remember the inuman that prompted me to write the blog, march 4 to be exact.

Let me put this in perspective. Migs, a dear friend from a few years back, has been telling me about this wonderful SMART PLU's he has been hanging out with the past weeks. He had a hunch that I would 'click' with them. Eventually, Migs set up a dinner activity in Gale with McVie and Gibbs. That turned out to a riotous dinner. I met other bloggers after that.

Then Migs set up the inuman in an Inasal place in QC. Again, Mcvie, Gibbs were there, with another blogger I cannot name! and they were encouraging me to start the blog. Migs suggested something about the corporate world. So CC was born in the Blogosphere!

expect secrets of success (as if), corporate exposes (wish list, actually), gym and badminton (the athletic side), gay catholicism (oxymoronic?), a bit of sex and romance on the side.

Now im looking at all these expectations i listed. Secrets of Success - hardly. Corporate Expose - couldnt bring myself to out other people DIRECTLY, gym & badminton - in passing. Gay Catholicism - once or twice. A bit of sex - LOL. this topic turned out to have the lion's share of exposure! romance on the side - yeah. until ultimately, the romance died.

CC the Blog is truly a journey... a site under development. i struggled with my issues. i bragged about conquests. i wept about lost love. and i opined on SATC and other topics i fancied.

i used to be happy to see one comment from a reader. now i see a number of comments from regular readers. and that makes me warm and fuzzy inside. WOW. MY BLOG MATTERS to some people! Thank You!

then there were the podcasts! what started out as a guesting in troikasters became a regular thing through the fabcasters! and boy was i judged, condemned, maligned that first podcast. JOKE!

so in order of appearance, i would like to thank Migs, my classmate, my friend! and McVie & Gibbs... and Lobster, AJ, the FABCASTERS! special mention to DC, the first reader whom i met. and consequently other bloggers ive met personally like Onai, GBIC, Tenchu, Dats and others whose names escape me at the moment.

And of course, readers who regularly visit. with special thanks to those who take time out to comment on my musings and a-musings! CC is still on the road. he aint there yet. but even if he doesnt get to where he wants, the journey is already well worth it!

on winning...

i admit. im very competitive. a number of my exes have told me that. and i had to finally admit to myself that i am.

is winning everything to me? well, its not really that winning is everything. but i don't like losing. i don't like the feeling at all. and ive felt that a lot before. badminton games. missing sales targets. ideas that dont work. not getting good grades. missing out on the top honors in elementary, high school and college. not getting promoted. getting fat and ugly. i dont beat myself up over it. but i dont like the feeling.

so i drive myself to achieve. despite having lost so many times before, i will try again. and i end up tasting victory a couple of times. and that's when you relish the moment. and that's when you realize that standing up every time was so well worth it. and all the anxiety, all the tension just melts when you finally win..

and that's a great feeling.

i remember winning a badminton competition. no, its not one of the big ones. its an industry thing. but it still had its share of really hot shot players. i was in the mixed doubles category, mid-level. that was one whole day of competition. we played 7 games, slowly inching our way to the top. and every game was an ordeal. it was never a sure win. and when it was all over and we had our medals and our trophy and our sweaty attire, man oh man that felt really good. and that was the 3rd competition ive joined. i lost the previous two. didnt even make it to the semis. that felt so good. and i went on to win two other tournaments!

another moment i couldnt forget was getting the top award in business school. wow, that was 24 months of studying, of being with really intelligent professionals from different industries and sectors. and business school forces you to be competitive. grades are based on CP, class participation. no chance for shyness here. up till my thesis defense, i wasnt sure of my standing. shortly after, i received a call from my professor-mentor as he personally informed me that i was "it".

i delivered the class response on graduation day. i agonized over that speech for days. and as i was delivering it, with all the right punchlines, i saw them responding positively. and i knew i won them over with that speech.

winning is a great feeling. i dont like losing but im not afraid of it. the most important part is the 'taking chances' part. that is the one that ultimately forms character, that toughens us up.

so dear friend, you are a winner. you've got a winner's smile, a winner's bod, a winner's talent and a winner's heart! but you just have to take that step, dear friend. you've got to break that mold, the defeatist attitude and jump in. i may not know you as much, but i know enough. enough to know you have it within you. and you've got us to back you up.

My All-Time Fave Series

Back in the 80's, they resurrected this 50's classic series. Gave it a contemporary spin. And had who's who of TV and film as guests. It only ran for 3 seasons. But that was enough to get me hooked forever.

Thank God the dvd compilation was born. I was finally able to get my hands on original The Twilight Zone dvds.
And here they are!! Ill be starting these soon so expect some posts on the thought provoking episodes!

SATC: having a baby is an option?

Its still that "coulda woulda shoulda" episode where Miranda finds out she's pregnant. And she quickly made up her mind to have an abortion. "i dont need this right now."

funny how it was so easy for her to make that decision. and as much as i feel for her, career woman that she is, im still appalled at how easy it is to consider having a baby as an option. its like having a baby is not the accessory you need right now. just like shoes or bags. maybe its my uber-catholic upbringing.

perhaps i can stretch my understanding to include a teenage pregnancy, or a gang-rape victim. but i would like to think that even for such people, deciding to have an abortion is still one huge nightmare or a protracted one at that.

but it wasnt like that at all for Miranda. (although she decides to have it anyway, perhaps playing up to American Moral Majority. though for the reason of the biological timeclock ticking away more than anything).

and i recall how a friend in college actually went through that painful ordeal.

she was one of my best friends. she was smart and pretty and flirty. and she had a string of boyfriends. eventually, one of them knocked her up. and she was just devastated. she agonized over the decision and went ahead with it. she grieved for awhile, in secrecy (only two other people knew about it). and then it was back to normal.

but it never really became normal. though she started a career in broadcasting with so much promise, her relationships got in the way. she was always having problems with men. until now.

my sense is that a decision like abortion will never leave anybody unscathed. wounds like that cut so deep. and these manifest in such strange ways like failing in relationships, substance abuse or low self esteem.

and i just felt so sad for all the women out there who had to make that decision. i wish they didnt or they wouldnt.

"Moderate Their Greed"

These words, supposedly uttered by Romulo Neri to Lozada in reference to the ZTE deal, still bring me goosebumps. Greed in moderation is supposedly fine, I suppose. I guess $130M in kickbacks is a TAD excessive... equivalent to P5.2B lang naman... its been so many weeks and the deal still makes headlines. and they are trying to amass people power again. some to show their anger. some to demand her resignation. some, presumably to oust her through another bloodless revolt.

its part of daily conversation (though quite old now), about how you feel towards all these.

so, at the risk of fire and brimstone from whichever camp, i am listing down my usual response to such discussions:

- yes, i think she's as tainted as her teletubby-hubby who fronts for her.
- yes, i believe kuya ike's (lozada) tearful testimony and his claim of abduction, the terrestrial kind. no matter how much they shred his credibility to pieces.
- yes, i am indignant at such massive and blatant corruption at my expense as income tax payer. (ultimately, i will pay for that P5.2B)
- no, i will not be attending the rallies asking for presidentita's resignation.

sorry, but i am tired of extra-constitutional means of removing elected officials. i cannot accept a revolving door presidency, with X number of people showing the president the door. i believe we could be more 'politically mature' than that. and it always puts lives of people, hundreds of thousands of people, at risk. we may not always get as lucky when it comes to the 'bloodless' part. it's also very disruptive economically. it sends strong signals to investors everywhere that our infrastructure, our legislative and legal processes are not to be trusted.

so if i want her out, ill just have to rely on the impeachment process. and since it seems that she has wired that process in her favor, ill just have to grin and bear it... for two more years. or i can be citizen cc and badger my congressman representative with letters of indignation, requesting support for the impeachment. or i can blog about it and let this be my forum.

okay. im done... you can start hurling those invectives now... DUCK!

foot in the mouth disease

blogger mgg threw a party recently at the halfway home we visit regularly. i came in late and was so happy to see all the kids playing with their big sisters/brothers (people like lobster, aj joined the fun entertaining the wonderful children at the place).

i notice a cutie in one corner, with a hot babe, entertaining the kids. hmmm. interesting. not wanting to disturb migs, i casually asked lobster who the guy was. lobster told me he is probably the boyfriend of the babe. sigh.

evil thought: i could ask driver to whisk away babe to leave cutie behind. bwahahaha (evil laftir). i approached migs and whispered the idea, feeling deeeelightfully evil. migs turns to me, asks why.

eh ano pa, i want to get rid of the girlfriend, noh??? i answered, quite irritated that migs was kinda SLOOOOW today. hehe. then migs calmly clarified. ay si ____? hindi sila magbf. im dating him.

NGEK! as in super NGEK. i felt so ashamed! like what do i say? i was so blatantly planning to steal migs cutie date! YIKES!

NERVOUS LAUGHTER! ang cute niya kasi! i whispered to migs. swerte-swerte mo naman... then carefully i exited the scene, all red.

i wanted the earth to swallow me whole at that point.