Thursday, October 20, 2011

this could have been my post...

... had i been blogging at the age of aleph.  with such self-awareness and honesty, aleph reveals some of his issues, which ill call 'middle-class syndrome'.  and i could hear myself whining the same way then.

the pre-occupation with having my own car drove me (pun intended) to make the career choices i did.  i also knew early on in my career that if i wanted to have a car pronto, it would be in an industry that gave employees vehicles as part of the job.  i cannot wait for the time i could afford my own car.  so choosing the industry, the company was fairly easy.  so i worked my butt off to deserve that car, to rise up the ranks. 

so i eventually got a car, different cars, even.  and beyond that, i have my own cars now.  and all the trappings that comes with my current position.  yes, self-made.  yes, comfortable now.  far removed from the time i was just like you, aleph, doing exactly the same things you are doing - penny-pinching, lugging my bag and my baon around, saving up for special occasions, and tutoring those that we secretly envy. 

i didnt have 'class issues' with my exes then.  i pretty much dated within my social circle.  (oops. i recall dating someone from a well-to-do family.  but that didn't last long enough for issues to come out)

but guess what, aleph, after all i've been through, with all the comfort around, i still have those pangs of insecurity.  why?  because no amount of money will ever be enough to keep up with the Joneses.  i will always be middle class.  and when i find myself comparing what i have with others beyond me, it hits me again.  there will always be so much more material things beyond my capacity to afford.  so it's all in the head, kid. 

and speaking of boyfriends and class differences, im with someone right now who is not just much younger than me, but also comes from a higher social class than me.  the differences may not manifest in financial terms now.  but they remain there.  so if i let my stupid insecurities eat me up,we'll end up with much argument. 

your self-awareness is already a major step.  i wish i was as aware then when i was your age.  if your boyfriend is not yet aware of it, it may help to talk about it, and recognize it as your issue that you are working on.  and that some patience from his side will be required as you sort it out.  (as if you were asking for advice!)

mega-relate lang ko sa post ni aleph.  thanks, kid.


Aleph's id said...

HUGS CC! Mega-thanks sa mega-relate! It's just super, di ko alam pano sabihin hehe, to hear you recall your own experiences, and especially from someone who has crossed already to the "other side" of story. (Chicken much?!) Salamat sa advice a, always welcome! :-))

LanchiE said...

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, dear.

I remember what a friend said about something in a similar regard:
It's not about the money or financial status. Maraming adjustments 'pag masyadong magkalayo ang pinanggalingan n'yo. And these are not about the big decisions. It's the small details in the person.

My best wishes.

JohnM said...

Great piece of advice sir CC. and thanks to Aleph for putting that issue out in the open. I learned something new today. Thank you both!

Marcus: Bading Down Under said...

Lovely entry and yes, may I relate!!!

Tony said...

When I was growing up I was used to an easier life. I would treat people too, not to show off but to share what I had. I was used to having a driver drive me around. I was used to having the small things getting done for me by my dad's secretary.

Fast forward to my first job. It was in Singapore. I became a second class citizen. People saw me and assumed that since I came from the Philippines I must have come from a poor family. Not middle class. Poor. That I needed special treatment. They would treat me dinner, coffee whatever. I hated it. I had a hard time being gracious about it.

Then I met my ex. He wanted to treat me to dinners, drive me to work and do stuff for me. Again I had a hard time accepting it. I didn't need special treatment just because I'm a 'poor' Filipino boy. It became several arguments until he hit the nail in the head. I was the one who was class conscious. Not him, not my officemates, not my friends. It was just me.

No one really cares about class. Not the ones who really care anyway.