to er is human

maybe it's having been isolated for three days from 'civilization'. maybe it's because of deprivation for the past week. whatever it is, i was suddenly looking at this gardener right outside my villa in this mountain resort. i was looking at him like he was kentucky fried chicken. i felt an urge to flirt, seduce and even harass the poor guy. and he was just a plain-looking. he was as 'er'* as one could get. i didnt do it but i suddenly got reminded of a story i read from looong ago.

in my teen years, as i was discovering my sexuality, i came across an article in mod magazine (that used to be the 'cosmo' mag of the 70's to 80's). i cant remember the title anymore but the story is about how the author. married with kids, was struggling with his homosexual urges. in constant denial, he was pre-occupying himself with work and so many other things, just to keep his mind off his urges. however, all that became futile when they hired a gardener. suddenly, his fantasies were focused on this man-servant. and how he couldnt take his eyes off him as he did his gardening.

the lust drove him crazy, to the point where he actually seduced the gardener one time when his wife and kids were away. he arranged that plants be brought to the master's bedroom. as the guy was all sweaty, fixing the plants, he came from behind and groped him. and soon enough, he was having his way with him. but only until his wife unexpectedly walked in on them and raised hell. the story ended on a sad note, as his wife left him and brought all the kids.

anyway, i suddenly understood for a moment that insanity. how lust could just get into your head. and reason, even taste, just abandons you.

*link is to discreet manila's definition of 'er"