yes. right place. the balcony of a cottage in a mountain resort, facing the bay of cagayan de oro, the city far below
right time. 4pm. aftrnoon haze. sun hiding behind the clouds.
wrong mood. im not singing the blues anymore. im not gloomy no more. but im peaceful. quiet. crickets, birds in the background... and the chuckle of kids playing in the pool far below.
this is a nice place - gardens of malasag, 30mins away from cagayan de oro city. individual cottages are perched on the mountain side, each with a balcony view of the city and the sea.
and im far away from my boys (LOL), from my dates. hmm. im remembering dinner with enigma and some friends sunday night. my friends, whom he just met, are teasing him about me, about us. "how do you feel about cc?" he tries to deflect the pressure "siya ang tanungin niyo" feeling a tad uneasy, i try to save him "si enigma, mabait, a person with a good heart, etc. etc." enigma is uneasy, too. he looks at me, wondering.
after dinner, one of them asks "ano ba status niyo?" laughter fades as he answers "siya ang tanungin niyo. ako naman ang iniwan niya." i feel a knife go through my heart. "sige, cc, ikuwento mo kung anong nangyari." now he challenges me with those hurting eyes.
and the mood changes as i twist and turn, as i recall the days that led up to falling for him... and how i said goodbye. he butts in "akala ko nung nag-greenbelt kami nung october, ibabalita niya sa akin na hiwalay na sila ni partner niya. excited ako." another knife goes through me. "iiwanan na pala ako." silence. then he excuses himself to go to the rest room.
my friends wanted to strangle me for hurting him. i wanted to melt.
the mood never returned to light and bubbly. we went home, the air pregnant with questions that will never be asked. our hands, holding & caressing going there, were now on their respective places.
and i know i continue to be unfair. that continuing to date him might just make him expect again. and i have nothing to promise.
staying single seems so hard.
but im back here. no, the story didnt pull my spirits down. and i remain here, blogging and at the same time, just staring at the view.
nakatunganga lang
9 comments:
the greatest achieve of man is not going to the moon, but knowing that he is capable to share his life with someone although it may never be equaled.
loving is never easy, but is never the less, fulfilling.
this is just stupid.
"staying single seems so hard"?
make it easy for you. and make it easy for enigma. you don't know the shit he's been through. and i feel for him. coz i went through that same phase. think.
"...bring back the love...tralalalala..." hehehe
have fun mr. CC!
Your entries are enjoyable to read. You write like a person at his/her mid twenties. Nice! =)
*gross generalization alert*
We are gay men, we are never happy if things are uncomplicated or full of drama. Where, oh where, is the fun in that? >:P
hello friedreich. thanks for the comment. looking forward to loving again... just not yet.
sorry you find this stupid, anonymous one. but just to explain - it seems so easy to just hook up with enigma to ease his pain. but that would be the wrong reason for doing it. staying single is a decision i make. sticking to it becomes hard when i cannot be as callous as i should be in a non-exclusive dating arrangement.
hmm. bring back the love aint that easy, dats...
hello mr schizophrenic. welcome to my world. hehe. ill take this comment as a compliment. though i hesitate. hahaha
you are absolutely right, lobster. don't i just LOOOVE complications!
not a big fan of the dramz. i prefer them onscreen where i can leave them paused or turned off. haha...
even if they're louis vuitton, i guess i'm tired of trudging baggages through life.
but that's just me.
life.
unfair.
it would never change.
just hope for the best.
*sigh*
nasa CDO ka pala. Sarap. Kainggit. Hehe ^_^
hello trey! good for you, keep the dramas away!
hi dave. yeah. wouldnt ever change. it was a short trip to CDO. you have special memories here? ;)
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