updates, updates

i guess i owe it to readers to give status updates on these posts of mine.

rainbow connection

we finally met up yesterday. plans for the weekend went topsy-turvy when his flight was delayed by 12 hours!!! i was more anxious than excited, honestly. i kept on composing in my mind how i would tell him about my no-commitment stance now.

he was still a stand-out in the crowd, 5'11", broad-shouldered, gwapo. thought he'd look older. stepped inside the car and just so happy to be back. i was feeling sick, physically down with slight fever, but i snapped out of it upon seeing him. we had late lunch in serendra. and as i was filling him on the details of what happened to me and ex, i touched on how 'happy' i was being currently single.

and i told him finally what ive been rehearsing. he took it very well, understanding where i was coming from. and that he was not going to rush things. that he will be waiting. (uh-oh)

the night didnt end as planned. only because my fever became full-blown. but i was amazed at the care he gave me last night. WOW. he was just fussing over me, lulling me to sleep with gentle kisses, caresses on my forehead. i was feeling chilly so he just cuddled me tight. the whole night.

ordinarily, i would have been overwhelmed with the affection. but i was surprised at the thoughts running in my head. "yikes. he's so into me! how do i get out of this?" so there was this bundle of weird feelings: guilt, relief, affection. and that kept me from getting a good night's sleep, despite all that he was doing. and yes, we refrained from doing anything. couldn't afford to get him sick, too.

we had breakfast. and there, he was a bit more honest about how he felt towards the 'arrangement'. "alam mo na kung ano ang tama at mali. di kita pipigilan. di ko style yan. kaso isipin mo na lang baka may nasasaktan ka. seloso pa naman ako. basta di ka na bata. alam mo na kung anong tama."

he left this morning. i chose to take a sick leave today. and couldnt help but think about what he was saying. i certainly do not want to hurt anybody. and that's why i chose to be totally honest to him, to the others. but does being honest take away the pain? or just my sense of responsibility? *sigh*

hada

a reader was particularly interested in how this developed. sadly, zilch. nada hada. yes we were texting. however, i didnt like the way the text was going. there was the "wala akong trabaho ngayon"... "nag-iipon pa nga para makapag-nclex review"... and the kicker "naghahanap nga ako ng person with a good heart to help me". yikes! i chose to play coy with these texts. and i think he got the message. and when i texted him again after a few days, deadma. oh well.

enigma

we went to tagaytay one afternoon. we had dinner at my fave place there. he was quite sleepy so he slept on my lap going back to manila. he was curled up around my arm. and i remember when we used to sleep together. but that was just that. i dropped him off since he had an early commitment the following day. and we text every now and then.

life goes on. but i am beginning to wonder whether this fantasy life is really just a fantasy. that the reality is "i cant have my cake and eat it, too" (follow the link for a satisfactory explanation of this expression!).

*sigh*