expressing myself, finally

Dear Diary,

im proud of myself. i went out again with this uber-crush of mine, who happens to be very much attached. another non-date with him. i was surprised to receive a friendly text message from him this morning. i thought we have permanently lost touch with each other. well, on my end, it was quite deliberate not to continue communication. he remains in a relationship anyway.

but that text message quickly became a meet-up, only because i did say i was going to treat him for his birthday. but since i was wearing a different attitude this time, i wanted to stop playing coy with him and just be honest about how i feel for him. i just became tired of yet another date where we both are acting as if he doesnt know how special he is to me. so i was gathering enough courage to say it during the non-date. but i never got the chance.

coming home from the non-date, i suddenly felt that i still should express myself, if only through text. and after thanking him for a lovely time, i finally told him how i felt ...

'just delete this after reading. ive always wanted to say that you are such a great guy. if you were available, i would have fallen hard for you. so there, i just wanted to say it. no reply needed. good night!'

i still got a reply: three smileys. and that for me is enough. it is already liberating to have expressed how i felt. if he decides not to see me anymore, im fine with that. i feel really good and warm inside, knowing that i've managed to express myself, finally.

good night!