j.a.s.: matthew VI

it boils down to this last day of waiting. by this time tomorrow, his plane will be touching down on manila soil. after months of correspondence, of long chats and sweet emails, jacques was finally coming back to manila.

so many things have happened in between that first message to this point. and he has tried to take stock of all that has transpired.

chatting everyday was some sort of accelerated getting to know process for them. allotting an hour or two forced them to talk about things about themselves that would normally take months to disclose. from the mundane (what shampoo do you use? do you snore?) to the deep and dark (what moments in your life were you most ashamed of? what were the painful lessons of your previous relationships?) these exchanges are precious to matthew. these gave him glimpses of a jacques that chooses to be honest and true. and he could only return such honesty with his own truthfulness.

soon, they will be meeting in person for the first time. matthew is this bundle of emotions. certainly excited, thrilled at the thought of finally seeing him, holding him, touching him. then there is the anxiety. the terrible what if's: if he doesnt like me in person? if we dont pick up the way we do online? if he changes his mind?

they have started to make many plans, immediate, short-term, medium-term, all beautiful. even as the fears and anxieties and uncertainties remain.

one thing he is sure of: his life is about to change, in a big major way. and this is something he has been preparing for, all his life.