cc in bed

i joined enigma and his friends for d&d (drink&dance) in bed malate. i came from a party and semi-loaded with absolut the vodka, not the mineral water. super-crowded, wanted to meet up with mcvie but couldnt find him. i stayed with enigma in one corner of the bar most of the night.

i didnt enjoy as much. im just starting to be aware that bed is not the place i want it to be. (1) i want to dance. and dance with wild abandon. (2) i like pop music, as baduy as that may sound. but those are the songs i want to dance to. bed is none of that. i can't dance because it gets too crowded. or if it's not, i can't dance because it's embarrassing to be one of the few dancing. they don't play as much pop as i'd like them to. i can only keep dancing to beats and synths for so long. then i get bored and tired.

the cuties. well they are still there. and they are all still on 'project' (accent on 2nd syllable)-mode. and even if they are enough incentive to stay there, i dont have the energy to carry on the flirting game anymore. effort masyado.

i enjoyed being with enigma. he is still the same sweet guy, twice the size, though. hehehe. gave me his xmas gift. awwww. hugged him tight. there remains this undercurrent of affection between us. (or is it just my imagination?) i invited him to sleep over. he politely declined, saying he brought his own car.

and even as i try to re-ignite some flame somewhere, i hesitate because he IS leaving for the u.s. soon. so that undercurrent will remain little eddies that play in the sea of cc's heart.