i wasnt planning to go online last night. I wanted to sleep early. But I had to check some emails. And i just had to peep in YM. And I just happen to see a friend. And we had to chat. And that chat lasted for more than an hour. And since I was visible to all in YM, someone just happened to be online, too. And wanted to say hi.
he is another FB acquaintance. round the same time i met mr ripley. we chatted over fb once or twice. he got my number, never texted. then, as the story goes, i became 'involved' with mr ripley.
ill refer to him as mr personality or mp. mp is supposedly ripley's ex-date. and ripley spoke highly of him.
in the course of the ripley affair, i remembered not seeing mp in my list of fb friends anymore. though he requested an add over at friendster.
when the ripley affair blew over, i sent a message to mp over a friendster, hoping to talk to him to shed light on ripley, aware that they used to 'date'. but he never responded.
mp suddenly came back to my fb life, requesting for an add, saying that i must have deleted him. still wanting to know about ripley, i quickly added him up. viewing his new fb profile, i was shocked to see some details about ripley appear in there! things like that high school he came from, that he was in new york, and some other stuff that i closely associated with ripley. could mp be mr ripley?
he started texting me. and in my curiosity, i engaged. and when he requested for coffee meet-up, i agreed.
i met him for the first time in gbelt. and i was careful about opening the ripley topic. and even before we got to that, what we were talking about was almost exactly what i was discussing with ripley. finally, i opened up the topic, and told him about ripley. he confirmed knowledge of ripley. and supposedly fell into the same trap that i was in. according to him, ripley just disappear from his life. and from the way he talked, he told me that ripley ripped his identity elements and 'stole his personality'.
i showed him then that i accepted his story without question. and we parted as friends. that night, i sent my sister his picture to confirm if this was the guy she met at ripley's house in new york. the guy who introduced himself as ripley's cousin. my sister confirmed. and that finally convinced me that mr ripley = mr personality.
i didnt want to confront mp anymore. i just decided to avoid him, not reply to his texts. i remained cordial, though, not wanting to antagonize him, not knowing what he is capable of.
last night, mp chatted with me after i was finished chatting with my friend. i seized the opportunity to finally confront him. and thank heavens, he finally admitted.
he had this crush on me upon adding me on fb. he instinctively knew i wouldnt give him the time of day so he posed as mr ripley, getting the pics of his unsuspecting friend in new york. he carried on the charade because he was too afraid of how id react. he was in too deep in the lie of a life he created. and he was into me too much, too.
getting in touch with me as himself, mr personality, was his way of slowly trying to reveal himself. though he still struggled with when and how. and he was also mr someone, who sent me the postcard and the christmas gift yesterday. he apologized profusely and regretted what he had done.
i wasnt angry at him. i was glad that this event finally had closure, real closure. i told him that. i told him though that there could be no friendship at all, for there is no more basis for trust. i was also relieved that he wasnt some business foe, or some bitter ex who could have some really sinister plans for me. he was just an infatuated guy who didnt believe in himself.
i went through a phase in my life of severe insecurity over how i looked. i was hungry for affirmation in the physical department. so i labored, worked out, tried to improve myself. i could understand where he was coming from. but i chose another path, to make myself be liked, be admired, be attractive.
i can still feel pangs of insecurity. i can still be painfully aware of the limitations of my 'looks'. and even as this ripley story is a lesson of how desperately lonely i could get, it is also an affirmation, convoluted as it may seem. but that affirmation has some severe consequences. consequences i thought were reserved for models and stars.
be careful what you wish for.