Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mr Ripley Revealed

i wasnt planning to go online last night. I wanted to sleep early. But I had to check some emails. And i just had to peep in YM. And I just happen to see a friend. And we had to chat. And that chat lasted for more than an hour. And since I was visible to all in YM, someone just happened to be online, too. And wanted to say hi.

he is another FB acquaintance. round the same time i met mr ripley. we chatted over fb once or twice. he got my number, never texted. then, as the story goes, i became 'involved' with mr ripley.

ill refer to him as mr personality or mp. mp is supposedly ripley's ex-date. and ripley spoke highly of him.

in the course of the ripley affair, i remembered not seeing mp in my list of fb friends anymore. though he requested an add over at friendster.

when the ripley affair blew over, i sent a message to mp over a friendster, hoping to talk to him to shed light on ripley, aware that they used to 'date'. but he never responded.

mp suddenly came back to my fb life, requesting for an add, saying that i must have deleted him. still wanting to know about ripley, i quickly added him up. viewing his new fb profile, i was shocked to see some details about ripley appear in there! things like that high school he came from, that he was in new york, and some other stuff that i closely associated with ripley. could mp be mr ripley?

he started texting me. and in my curiosity, i engaged. and when he requested for coffee meet-up, i agreed.

i met him for the first time in gbelt. and i was careful about opening the ripley topic. and even before we got to that, what we were talking about was almost exactly what i was discussing with ripley. finally, i opened up the topic, and told him about ripley. he confirmed knowledge of ripley. and supposedly fell into the same trap that i was in. according to him, ripley just disappear from his life. and from the way he talked, he told me that ripley ripped his identity elements and 'stole his personality'.

i showed him then that i accepted his story without question. and we parted as friends. that night, i sent my sister his picture to confirm if this was the guy she met at ripley's house in new york. the guy who introduced himself as ripley's cousin. my sister confirmed. and that finally convinced me that mr ripley = mr personality.

i didnt want to confront mp anymore. i just decided to avoid him, not reply to his texts. i remained cordial, though, not wanting to antagonize him, not knowing what he is capable of.

last night, mp chatted with me after i was finished chatting with my friend. i seized the opportunity to finally confront him. and thank heavens, he finally admitted.

he had this crush on me upon adding me on fb. he instinctively knew i wouldnt give him the time of day so he posed as mr ripley, getting the pics of his unsuspecting friend in new york. he carried on the charade because he was too afraid of how id react. he was in too deep in the lie of a life he created. and he was into me too much, too.

getting in touch with me as himself, mr personality, was his way of slowly trying to reveal himself. though he still struggled with when and how. and he was also mr someone, who sent me the postcard and the christmas gift yesterday. he apologized profusely and regretted what he had done.

i wasnt angry at him. i was glad that this event finally had closure, real closure. i told him that. i told him though that there could be no friendship at all, for there is no more basis for trust. i was also relieved that he wasnt some business foe, or some bitter ex who could have some really sinister plans for me. he was just an infatuated guy who didnt believe in himself.

epilogue

i went through a phase in my life of severe insecurity over how i looked. i was hungry for affirmation in the physical department. so i labored, worked out, tried to improve myself. i could understand where he was coming from. but i chose another path, to make myself be liked, be admired, be attractive.

i can still feel pangs of insecurity. i can still be painfully aware of the limitations of my 'looks'. and even as this ripley story is a lesson of how desperately lonely i could get, it is also an affirmation, convoluted as it may seem. but that affirmation has some severe consequences. consequences i thought were reserved for models and stars.

be careful what you wish for.

15 comments:

rudeboy said...

AH, now there's a story!

I'm happy you got to the bottom of this whole mystery, CC. And that you finally have closure.

gibbs cadiz said...

finally. the way you handled this episode in your life shows much tact and class. bravo, kapatid. :)

Jr Hammer said...

Nice ending. So, is the "moving on" LED worth it CC? =P

No second chances? Ang hirap kasing abutin ng isang tao na kabilang ang mga bituin katulad mo. How about starting anew?

i'm a narnian said...

parang gossip girl lang ang buhay mo. naloka ako. napatumbling ako from alabang to makati. LOL

at least now it's over.

houseofqueens said...

The more I read your blog the more I'm hooked. I must admit that the mystery around your identity adds to it. Giving me fantasies that you are one of my crushes.
On what you said about insecurities with looks. I can relate to that. I have not been able to get rid of the insecurity. However - I have realized that as much as I am not going to make money out of my looks --- I am attractive to some. And that is enough. Actually more than enough.

Ming Meows said...

at least hindi na pinaabot sa pasko. siguro nakonsensya na sya after hearing the podcast.

anteros' dominion said...

now it can be said...

you can put cherie gil, celia rodriguez or even katrina halili into shame

poise and grace personified

Anonymous said...

hi i read this entry and i can share the experience way back in history.

i love reading your blog cc.

please keep on writing, and sharing.

merry christmas from abu dhabi.

cam

closet case said...

thanks @rudeboy. yes, there is finally closure.

salamat kapatid @gibbs & @anteros' dominion *bows*

@jr hammer LED+blu ray+iphone > pain :)

@outednarnian just imagine how i felt

@houseofqueens thank you so much for 'being hooked'. it is recognizing that what we are is perfect as we are that is most difficult but the most gratifying.

@m_m true. i dont know if he listens to the podcasts. pero binabagabag raw siya ng konsensiya niya

closet case said...

thanks @rudeboy. yes, there is finally closure.

salamat kapatid @gibbs & @anteros' dominion *bows*

@jr hammer LED+blu ray+iphone > pain :)

@outednarnian just imagine how i felt

@houseofqueens thank you so much for 'being hooked'. it is recognizing that what we are is perfect as we are that is most difficult but the most gratifying.

@m_m true. i dont know if he listens to the podcasts. pero binabagabag raw siya ng konsensiya niya

lobster-tony said...

Nice at least may closure na... but what a sad person he is with such a low self-esteem. Can't imagine myself making such elaborate stories because I immediately assume that a person won't be interested in the real me. Awww. I would have been more sympathetic to him if he wasn't such an ass to you, my friend, in the first place. Now he is just a loser and all by his own doing. Sad, but true.

Anonymous said...

please be more discerning next time about the people you meet and/or you would care for. one can neve know what danger lurks from unhappy and insecure strangers that would try to get close to you. ingat - pinoybkkian

PG said...

sad but it's true...talagang nangyayari kahit kanino yan...

time heals all wounds..hayaan mo cc baka siguro hindi sya ang para sa iyo. marami pa naman siguro dyan... naghihintay din.

trust is such an overused term these days when talking about online romance and internet dating.... salamat at naging ok na ang lahat.

....and good to hear you're still single. ;)

PG

Nimrod said...

finally you had closure with your "ripley" phase. so happy for you. Merry Christmas!

david jeremie said...

This is my first time to have a comment on a blog. I always read your blogs and listen to your podcast.

Good to hear that you've finally found who's who.

Happy New Year, CC!