103011 a long trip starts

here at naia, the world's worst airport.  the title is arguable.  im sure a lot have been said and will be said about this.  i bump into a guy i used to date. wow. he is looking great. he seemed genuinely happy to see me.  he was the one who actually approached me.  my behind looked familiar daw.  lol nothing substantial happened between us.  not even you know what.  no sparks.

we are supposed to board by 11pm.  but i still see the flight attendants at the boarding area.  will we be late again?

i got here in 40 mins from my place.  that gave me three hours leadtime to boarding.  when i got here, a looong line was already formed at the counter! sheesh were they here 5 hours ahead?  all the lining up eventually ate up more than an hour of waiting.  oh well, i shouldnt't be complaining.

i prepared for this long flight (combined 16 hours ill be in the air) by downloading all the series i needed to catch up on: mad men, desperate housewives, spartacus.  then the are the books i need to read.  and the time magazines.  now if only i could control my sleeping timeso i would have less jet lag in my final destination.

ill survive this.

encounters from the other side

ñpc's phone rang.  and as he answered it, i looked around for my sando and boxers.  i knew i threw it around in wild abandon just minutes before.  i found it and wore the boxers.  i did some fixing of the bed as pc was still in conversation.  i was waiting for him to finish. 

and when he was done, i cuddled up to him again, still bare-chested.  after a few moments, i got up to finish dressing up.  and i couldn't find my sando anymore.  i knew i just had it moments ago.  i didn't even leave the room.  yet we couldn't find it.  it just disappeared!  we searched the room, and even the bathroom.  nada. 

pc started to question my memory.  maybe i didnt actually have any sando on.  maybe i just thought i had one.  but no, i couldn't have gotten that wrong.  i knew i had one on before we started uhmm undressing.

it must be the dwende!  there is no such thing, pc retorted.  we are catholics and we don't believe in those things.  i just giggled.

because i actually believe in dwendes dwelling in the house!

this property is old.  the house before this new one has been up since the 40's (pre-war).  and until we demolished it two years ago, it was the same old house.  my lolo got the property back when san juan was known as san juan del monte, because of the hilly terrain.  and it was still the area for expansion.

out in front, by the street, we had two trees: chesa and caimito.  and we would often hear stories of passersby on the street who would see the proverbial white lady and even a tikbalang.  of course that scared the shit out of us kids.  but the most mentioned creatures mentioned by those with the 'third eye' are the dwendes the reside in the property.

we would periodically lose certain things.  and they would just re-appear from nowhere days after.  (so that sando disappearance was not uncommon).  and we would rule out petty theft because the stuff we would lose are so mundane and ordinary.  comb. shirt. book.  it is almost like they just playing games with us. 

but of course, all this was just conjecture and story-telling.

the closest we ever got to some kind of confirmation was the appearance of tiny footprints on the hood of my then-brand new red corolla.  one particular morning, our household help noticed one set of footprints, measuring about just 4" in length, traversing the hood of the car, on the windshield and on the top.  it was amazing!  it really looked like little feet, with no shoes.  the toes were even visible.  unfortunately, we weren't able to capture it on film (di pa uso digital nun)

before we demolished the house, we consulted an espiritista, a person who could see the creatures and could perform rituals to either appease them or ward them off.  upon setting foot in the old house, he immediately told us of the presence of so many dwendes, families even.  and unfortunately, some of them were the mischievous type (the black ones).  we paid him to do the rituals designed to tell them to move residence since we were about to demolish this one.  it took a few days of rituals (which we never witnessed but we trusted anyway).  then he told us that he has placed a protective covering over the house.  and he even dared us to ask any friend with a third eye to visit the place to declare it free of the spirits.

anyway, it has been two years since, and aside from my disappearing sando, there have been no stories about our inhabitants. 

are they back? ninuninuninuninu (twilight zone music)

they got it backwards

usually, you'd have a bunch of actors introduced in one movie.  that movie becomes one big hit and spins off several franchises.  the actors break up into their solo movies.

what i just LOVE about the avengers is how they did that formula backwards.  iron man, thor, captain america (and to lesser extent, hulk) have had successful solo movies!  and they have built up a following.  so multiply that by the number of those superheroes! astounding! 

i haven't been this excited over an action movie!  and it is simply because it is an ensemble of superheroes!  now if they could only fold in those dc superheroes! LOL

cc archives: Doo wah doo wah… the boy from new york city March 27, 2007

that's an 80's tune by the Manhattan Transfer! i'm starting my trip down memory lane with this boy (actually gel siya) from new york. i still get kilig reminiscing how we met...

picture this... one warm afternoon during the holidays... i decided to do some work and some surfing in one of the cafes along Morato. i brought my ehem new macbook ehem to the place and started surfing (free wifi raw). i had difficulty trying to access the network using the mac o/s. so i switched to windows and i had no problem.

in comes a really, really good looking chap, in jeans, knitted short-sleeve shirt with collar, rubber shoes. he looked so neat and mabango! and really good looking (did i mention that na?). sat near my table on the ground floor of the coffee shop. took out his mac and started working. i thought this would be my lucky day. it was just him and me there. KASO, he changed his mind and went to the 2nd floor. hmmp. tough luck.

after a few minutes, came down stairs looking at me. and asked me how i was able to connect. asus, i was getting tongue tied trying to explain how. he came closer to figure out what i was doing. mabango nga! eventually sat down beside me, tried to do some hammering on the keys... to no avail. he thanked me and went back up. INIS. i forgot to mention that he had a nice American accent, tunay po.

managed to forget about him and work for an hour where i was. after i was done, i packed my things and went to the 2nd floor to use the rest rooms. okay, okay, i really didnt HAVE to use the rest rooms BUT i felt i wanted to check up on him (the good neighbor that i am).

and he looked at me as I was coming up the stairs. I smiled and asked him whether he was able to connect. and he smiled and said he was fine. thanked me for asking. i went to the loo, came out and he was still there, typing away. across him was the water jug. i drank so many glasses, trying to see if i could muster enough courage to talk to him. i caught him looking at me from time to time. And finally, he opened up the conversation. HAY SALAMAT. i must have looked like i was already drowning he had to save me.

sat beside him and did some chit-chat. he's pinoy but based in new york, having been in the U.S. since he was 10. he was vacationing here because his sister got married recently. he was working out where i was working out. and that was where he was going after.

he asked me how far my place was... twice. and when i told him it was like 10mins away, he suggested that we go to my place. just like that. so upfront! so exciting!

brought him to my place and yes, got to know him in the biblical sense. that was so great! he looked great (did i mention that previously?) , he had a great fit body and wore no underwear (hihihi). he was intelligent and successful in new york (i confirmed that eventually).

felt like i was in a romantic movie, my version of 'falling in love' (meryl and robert de niro). for them it was a book store, mine was a coffee shop with the technological accessories!

we saw each other one more time before he left for the U.S. told me i could always stay with him in NY. we managed to exchange a few emails but lately, almost no communication.

which may be better in the long run because this one is JOWA material. and Lord knows i don't need one right now...

The Prude Fabcast I

here we are again. making life miserable for a newbie peanut gallery member. LOL. one of pinoy gay life's ultimate challenges must be to survive a fabcast!

iamtofuboy is a first-time guest. his peculiar ahmmm dilemma caught our attention when he first expressed it at miggs, gibbs, vonn joint birthday celebration. he declared himself a prude. unfortunately, none of us had much alcohol in our brains then to make a mountain out of the molehill of a statement. but it was perfect fodder for the fabcasters.

so we reassemble in the chateau de cc, uhm, wait, i'd rather that it be known as cc salon, reminiscent of a grand time when salon meant...

,,,a gathering of people under the roof of an inspiring host, held partly to amuse one another and partly to refine taste and increase their knowledge of the participants through conversation. These gatherings often consciously followed Horace's definition of the aims of poetry, "either to please or to educate" ("aut delectare aut prodesse est"). Salons, commonly associated with French literary and philosophical movements of the 17th century and 18th centuries, were carried on until quite recently, in urban settings, among like-minded people. Wikipedia

anyway, so we are back in my place to discuss his particular issue. dissect, analyze, make fun of, criticize. all in the spirit of mean girls. LOL. kidding. all in the spirit of healthy discussion, as salons are supposed to be...

Download this fabcast (right click and save)

PART ONE
Music credits:
“Ooh La La” by The Wiseguys
“Like A Virgin (Live)” by Madonna
“Sho Nuff” by Fatboy Slim
“Why’s It So Hard” by Madonna

this could have been my post...

... had i been blogging at the age of aleph.  with such self-awareness and honesty, aleph reveals some of his issues, which ill call 'middle-class syndrome'.  and i could hear myself whining the same way then.

the pre-occupation with having my own car drove me (pun intended) to make the career choices i did.  i also knew early on in my career that if i wanted to have a car pronto, it would be in an industry that gave employees vehicles as part of the job.  i cannot wait for the time i could afford my own car.  so choosing the industry, the company was fairly easy.  so i worked my butt off to deserve that car, to rise up the ranks. 

so i eventually got a car, different cars, even.  and beyond that, i have my own cars now.  and all the trappings that comes with my current position.  yes, self-made.  yes, comfortable now.  far removed from the time i was just like you, aleph, doing exactly the same things you are doing - penny-pinching, lugging my bag and my baon around, saving up for special occasions, and tutoring those that we secretly envy. 

i didnt have 'class issues' with my exes then.  i pretty much dated within my social circle.  (oops. i recall dating someone from a well-to-do family.  but that didn't last long enough for issues to come out)

but guess what, aleph, after all i've been through, with all the comfort around, i still have those pangs of insecurity.  why?  because no amount of money will ever be enough to keep up with the Joneses.  i will always be middle class.  and when i find myself comparing what i have with others beyond me, it hits me again.  there will always be so much more material things beyond my capacity to afford.  so it's all in the head, kid. 

and speaking of boyfriends and class differences, im with someone right now who is not just much younger than me, but also comes from a higher social class than me.  the differences may not manifest in financial terms now.  but they remain there.  so if i let my stupid insecurities eat me up,we'll end up with much argument. 

your self-awareness is already a major step.  i wish i was as aware then when i was your age.  if your boyfriend is not yet aware of it, it may help to talk about it, and recognize it as your issue that you are working on.  and that some patience from his side will be required as you sort it out.  (as if you were asking for advice!)

mega-relate lang ko sa post ni aleph.  thanks, kid.

presenting... The Homosexuals

i would have wanted to live in the 60's, as i mentioned previously.  with the fashion i so admire.  but this is one reason i am happy where i am.  this cbs documentary was produced in 1967, just about the time little cc was sucking... on his milk bottle.  i got wind of the video from manhunt daily, my only source of porn these days.  (just stills, no video) 

you will find it rather long.  i lasted for only 15 minutes.  but that is enough for me to realize...

... how recent the attitudes have been so negative an unenlightened (meaning in my lifetime)

... how awful it may have been to be homosexual then and be labeled as deviant or sick

... how courageous our elders must have been to continue living the lifestyle despite such prejudice

... how lucky i was as an adult in the 80's

... and how much luckier you all are for being an adult now.

so much to be thankful for!

my entitlement issues

this post was supposed to start this way "how do i stop resenting guards of entrances to public places when they check my belongings?"

when i enter these places, im mentally prepared to show my displeasure to this guard as he/she waves the wand (is it a hi-tech detector?) and uses it to probe into my bag. this is on top of my disdain for queues and lines in the first plane.

knowing that they are just doing their job doesn't help. im still irate as i pass him or her. then i have all these awfully mean thoughts: alam mo ba kung magkano yan? and im not proud of that.

then i realize im just manifesting my sorry attitude of entitlement. im feeling that my status and my position entitle me to be treated differently from everbody else. i expect that they should have judged from my appearance that i am unlike everybody else.

this is my aha moment. how stupid of me to even think that i am actually different from everybody else just because of these trappings. i actually have begun to expect special treatment.

when i travel, i dont feel special and do not expect to be treated that way. worse is i sometimes feel even inferior. hence, i obey and comply. i fall in line, i let them frisk me just like everyone else.

mamang or ate guard does not deserve my sneering. he/she is doing her job by not treating anybody else specially.

now let's see how i put this paradigm shift into practice.


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terminally 3

despite previous pronouncements that i will never ride cebupac again, i find myself for the third time in this terminal.  my luggage took a different plane from mine the first time i rode cebupac.  so i wasnt thrilled at all to find myself here again.  but with all that hoopla over pal labor unrest, i have no other choice. 

the terminal could have been fine really.  with a bit of glamming up, it could have been enough for foreign visitors to be satisfied, not to be impressed, though.  but because it now belongs to budget airlines, i see...

... 70% in flipflops, beachwear

... fun but noisy barkadas all around (ang saya saya!)

... koreans

... all kinds of handcarry bags (sm, sando plastics, manila envelopes)

... buses that load passengers tothe aircraft

things ive started to look forward to

. illy coffee & their uber-nice packaging of mineral water

. cute hunky guys in tank tops

. nice shops of everything

. that guard at the baggage xray check with glasses and biceps

one major complaint: they have got to improve the audio for announcements.  i could barely hear boarding announcements.

hair talk

short one: ive noticed how much softer and supple my hair is now. i dont even use any hair wax or creme anymore. yet im able to fix it well. the waviness has even started to straighten out, the way it was when i was really young.

reason. ive made shampooing less frequent, at about 2x a week only. i used to do it 2x a day. but then i read articles from hair experts about how the practice robs the hair of moisture and oil. and i reasoned that since im always on air conditioned areas anyway, not as exposed to grime and dust as before, then it should be in need of cleaning as often. i used hair wax everyday too which makes matters ahmm.. complicated. the wax attracts and traps dust and dirt. hence the need for frequent shampooing.

anyway, im quite happy with the feel and smell of my hair. unless told otherwise. :-)


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shifting tastes

i knew i was gay when i desperately wanted to suck cock. must have been high school when i truly became uber-conscious of the cock. compelled even.

giving head was the ultimate for me. to be able to feel the stiffness, the silkiness inside my mouth. to taste the veins of an engorged penis. to let my tongue play with the head, the helmet. and consequently, i developed preference for size and even for color, the pinkish hue of caucasian dick, due to availability of white porn.

and as i became sexually active, i was finally able to indulge in the delights of giving head. and i also began to enjoy receiving it as much. 69 became a favorite number. the sensation from both ends was just exquisite. and even as i have tried the top and bottom of it, oral sex was still tops for me. (huh?)

being able to see cock became a preoccupation for me. the side glances at urinals. the locker rooms and wet floors. even the outline on a tight-fitting pair of jeans was enough to send my pulse racing. i could and would imagine how it would feel to go down on some particularly nice piece of meat.

lately, i noticed that the pull of cock is less on me. id still look, if given the opportunity, if it is worth a glance. but that oral compulsion has died down considerably. what i do notice though, is that i have been looking at butts more often. my eyes are just drawn immediately to nice big mounds of assflesh. which is unusual for somone who is not into anal sex, much. it is just such a big turn on to see and feel a smooth bubble butt.

my sexual fantasies have shifted. i actually dont have as much. but when i do, it will be about receiving good head. i can't help but remember the times i had a great blowjob. it is not so much the actual skill of blowing but the circumstances that just leave me so horny. some of them happened in good old fitness steam rooms and saunas. there was this is one guy rabbed my cock from underneath my towel, as i was seated on the 2nd level bench. and as he tstroked me to full erection, he gently started sucking. with eyes closed. enjoying my meat. another time was at the sauna of a spa. he knelt down in front of me and refused to let go of my dick even as i was about to come. he swallowed each and every drop. (im getting a hard on just writing about it.)

so that's where my interests lie these days. i wonder where they would be in a few months or years.


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the random guy (wish i could take your picture)

you dont know it. but you brighten my day.

you in your disheveled hair from jeepney to jeepney. backpack or supot.

you are oblivious to me. you and your chest. and biceps. and ass so tight.

or your early-morning pressed button down shirt. you walk head held high. mindful of the cars and the tricycles. your SM necktie hanging loosely. too hot in the morning.

what else is on your mind? is it the report due today? or your sales quota? or is your girfriend giving you the cold shoulder, despite the three texts you sent "sori na me". i dont know

but i do know you are not thinking of me. or everybody else whose necks have followed you as you crossed the street. we are faceless. and random to you.

and you would have been, too, to me. had it not been for that way you unselfconsciously grabbed that handrail and gotten off that jeep. had it not been for the dimple. or that patrician nose. or those gorgeous eyes looking away.

random guy, i wish i could take that picture of you. to remind me of this feeling. from my groin up.

oddly enough. you are forever etched in my mind. filed under that time and place i saw you.




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midnight snack

1200mn.  pc preparing to leave. but before i take him home, we will have our midnight snack of durian.  amazing the way the fruit keeps in the freezer for days.  amazing, too, that pc and i adore this fruit, disliked by so many.  it is absolutely delicious.  addicting, even.  this is one fruit i actually crave for. cheers to the pleasures of durian!

finally got around to buying this new keyboard dock for my galaxy tab 10.1 so i am happily blogging away.  and that also means i will officially sell my ipad1 on sulit.com.

that site has helped me sell my old canon powershot g4.  and helped me get a good deal on my lumix.  again, pc's influence on me.  he regularly trades on the site and swears by its usefulness.  galeng-galeng!

in between mad men, we are watching spartacus, blood & sand, s01.  it really should be blood & cock.  i thought game of thrones had much frontal nudity.  that pales in comparison with the male nudity im seeing here.  a very good reason to watch the show.  uber-hot bodies in various stages of undress.  gladiators on show.  still couldnt believe hbo would actually produce something like this!

i got wasted last night at a send-off party.  sheesh.  it was typical fabcasters party:  soju everywhere.  much landian.  much puking after, right @mcvie? LOL had mega-fun, something we had not done in a long time.  i initially resisted joining in the karaoke singing.  but i gave in eventually.  and lost my voice in the process.  LOL.  my voice teacher will scold me for putting my voice box in jeopardy.

the fabcasters+ (plus for the peanut gallery).  when i joined them years back, i never thought it would evolve to become a community.  and that is what it is.  a community of like-minded people.  a very natural evolution for a social group.  we have seen it grow and accommodate more and more people.  but as new faces continue to grace the fabcasts, we have also seen faces disappear back into their lives.  i miss them at times.  i wonder what happened to them, what they are doing now.  they were once a part of this.

yes, these are just random thoughts at midnight.