I know I messed up. And i don't even know where to begin saying sorry. But I am. I am very sorry for all this. I didn't mean to.
Jay, I loved you. You felt that. You knew that. I never used you. All those things you gave me, I appreciated each and every kind and generous gesture. You know that I never asked for them. Never did. Not once. You volunteered.
Whore, you called me. That fucking hurts. I'm no call boy on the street or in the bar. It was never money for sex. They asked me out. They were willing to lend me some money. That was that. And only because I didnt't want to burden you. To ask for money from you because you are already so generous. Because you I loved. I love, still.
How much did you really love me? Beyond the material things, did you really? How come you never introduced me to any of your friends? Don't you think I noticed that? Don't you think I felt you were ashamed of me, because I didn't belong to your circles? I felt that, Jay. Three years, yet you kept me. Because you were ashamed of me. You accuse me of being a money boy. You treated me like one, too.
Enough of this, though. I love you, Jay. I still do. I want to start over. And I don't need any of the stuff you lent me. All I need is you.
If you were Jay, what would you do?
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8 comments:
Wow.
Just.
Wow.
Guy's so full of sh*t I bet his eyes are brown.
give him another chance.true love is rare nowadays.
I say, give it another chance, sans the sugar daddy set up. Treat each other as equals. Just be careful of ego and pride. Make sure he feels dignified.
i think matt deserves a second chance.
cc, based on personal experience mo?
I didn't get to read if Jay was faithful and good the WHOLE time. By good, i mean, did he treat Matt with respect and dignity when they were together? I would say no. It would seem like "kinakahiya" nga ni Jay si Matt.
IMO though, besides the obvious talk that they need to have (and maybe the adjustments that Matt has to go through), Jay has to open up his mind a little if he is still toying with the idea of getting back together. if he is quick to label someone derogatorily, by his standards, (ie. whore, prostitute, not that there is anything wrong with this) then he probably needs a little work on that end as well.
They obviously both made mistakes. I won't say which one is the bigger mistake as that is subjective. All that is obvious is that they need to talk about it if they want get back together.
I wonder though....
1. The description of the gay benefactor was pretty negative. Would Jay feel better if the gay benefactor was a handsome and buff gay guy? Don't laugh. Sometimes this is the issue. Nakaka-insulto kung pangit, as some would say.
2. If Jay afraid that the 'ugly' gay man reflected on him as well?
Trust, once lost, is hard to earn back.
Second chances in relationships happen if the separation was amicable and without issues.
Starting over means going back to being strangers.
" It was never money for sex. They asked me out."
Why didn't I know about this?
Would you think I would not be able to handle such situation?
Tho' be prepared for the answers.
"They were willing to lend me some money. That was that. And only because I didnt't want to burden you."
This idea i find a bit tricky.
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