panandaliang pagtibok ng puso

at a business function...

friend introduced me to his colleague "hello cc. nice to meet you. i think we should talk about what our firm could do for your company. blah. blah. blah."

hmmm. gwapo. dark. kinda short but proportionate. nice eyes.

"hmmm. actually, well what you are discussing sounds interesting even. but i cant seem to justify the cost. i remain vague about the value."

"i understand. ill email the proposal to you. lets discuss that. im sure you will find the value in hiring our firm."

we then proceeded to talk about other matters, although still on the business side of things.

when he excused himself, my friend whispered "teh, may jowa yan. cute niya no? ay sobrang bait pa" i was hooked. "we dont talk about being gay with each other, pero siyempe, we've sniffed each other out" i wondered if i could get him to talk about it with me.

i looked forward to the email, which came on time, as he promised. we talked over the cell about the proposal. there was some subtle flirting, from me to him. though i was sensing that he may actually be flirting, too.

"you were able to get the email? i hope we could meet up soon to discuss. you available friday?"

(kinda surprised at the speed of things...) "hmm. friday's too tight for me. thursday, there's this window available..."

"sure, ill grab that. let's have lunch."

i was kilig, sobra. yeah, it's a business meeting but i couldn't help but romanticize the situation.

we met for lunch somewhere in makati. i swear it felt like a date. we were in one corner of the restaurant, the place he loves so much. and though we discussed business matters, he wasn't particularly pushy anymore. "i understand if you decide not to. let's just enjoy lunch." kinikilig na naman ako.

that lunch meeting stretched till 3pm. we even had coffee elsewhere. and we instantly disclosed personal stuff with one another. including the fact that he has a lover of four years.

the confirmation didnt really send my spirits drooping. i still found him immensely attractive. and smart. and genuinely nice. he seemed like he has a good heart.

but i chose not to be flirty anymore. it suddenly seemed pointless. despite my attraction to him, i was not about to go out and attempt to ruin a relationship. and even getting him to bed was no longer an objective. nagbabago na rin siguro ako.

which is why i had to write this post. the situation depressed me. a fleeting moment when my heart started beating fast again. but all in vain.

thank God for blogging, for allowing me to just release this to the universe.