Sunday, September 11, 2011

To Friends and Our Friendship

I think Ill declare 9-11 day of friendship. well, my day of friendship. two great friends are celebrating their birthdays. yesterday was the birthday of another friend who passed away a day earlier. 9-11 has made me think of these special people.

tetchie is my classmate from grade school. he is a recurring figure in the cc SAHC series, having been part of my life since then. tetchie is intelligent, quick-witted, simply brilliant. in grade school, he (and I) were overshadowed by our even more intelligent classmates for the honors. but when those ones left, it became just tetchie and me, primarily. so i considered him some kind of rival.

yet we were best friends, part of a group. though i remained competitive, tetchie just wasn't. yeah, he was concerned about his grades, but never because he wanted to be at the top. he just wanted good grades. he pursued the physical sciences in college, excelling in that. but eventually, it was a career in IT that gave him the food on the table. and the chance to travel. he is based abroad now, living with his partner of many years.

and if before, my feelings for him had been tinged with envy (he was at the top of the class), all of that just dissipated because i finally realized what a fool I've been thinking of him as a rival. he always had such a pure heart. and he offered me nothing but sincere friendship.

i love it that he lives so modestly, despite a great capacity to live in luxury. not frugal. just modest and focused.

he is one person i could never be dishonest to, especially when asked about uncomfortable questions. he will look at me straight in the eye, with his bright beautiful eyes and wait for an answer, without judgement nor expectation. and i can only be honest and real.

i will always look up to him as a person better than me. and i am just grateful he considers me his friend.

miggs, dear miggs, fellowfabcaster is the another person i can never lie to. this guy just sees right through me.

i am so proud to say that he is my friend, my friend from way back before miggs was miggs. when he was just another intelligent, fierce classmate in business school. i wish i could tell you some great big thing about miggs no one knows about. but i can't. because with miggs, well, what you see is what you get. that guy has presence. and on day 1 of our class, he made us feel that presence. he was one of the youngest in class, and easily the most assertive. we knew he was bright and articulate and outspoken. and in hindsight did i know that during that time, he was also transitioning in his gay identity.

we became part of an inner circle, and inadvertently, i became closer and closer to him. i was resisting. i didn't want to out myself. but they gave me a safe haven to be myself. and i think miggs wanted me to be out to him. so he gave me cues. and eventually i did. and i never regretted.

that was almost 10 years ago. and now he is miggs, the blogger, the organizer, the mover. his career may be in flux now but never his ideals. and i think his heart has found a home in his advocacy. i have seen miggs on fire but i watch him now, and i see a conflagration. any cause would be blessed with his unique gift to organize and persuade and influence. for now, it will be the love yourself project. he is a systems guy. and i see him helping out by putting systems of sustainability into the project. so even if he moves on, the project will move and grow.

another fellowfab, aj, celebrated his birthday yesterday. but the day before that, he fell into eternal sleep. many things have been said about aj. because his life, short as it may have been, was colorful and loud. yes, loud and proud. i only met him when about 2 years ago, when he became part of the fabcasters. i remember seeing pictures of him before that. (was it through friendster?) and i found him gwapo in those photos. then, i finally met him in my condo when we did the tenchu fabcast. he was generally quiet. but when he spoke, he was fearless. we were all laughing at the way he bitchily commented on the topic at hand. and his queen bitch status was cemented in my mind.

sadly, we didn't have as much time to bond. his schedules early on were quite tight. and he couldn't join the fabcasts as much. a confession now: you know aj, during those times, i felt disappointed that you weren't putting in as much time and effort in being a 'fabcaster'. then when i realized the reason for your absences was your failing health, i felt so ashamed of my feelings. I'm so sorry.

pc knew aj much longer than i knew him. and because of that special friendship with pc, i knew that i wanted to become closer to aj. if before i found him too bitchy and intimidating, i now saw him as simply special. too bad that was when he became more sickly. and our bonding moments were confined (pun intended) to the hospital.

i admire aj. he never let his health get in the way of being fabulous and proud. he was a fighter. and though he knew it was a day-to-day struggle, he never showed it. he was dignified until the end. and when i saw him lying in peace, with that muffler around his neck, i knew he was finally resting. he actually won the fight.

they are just three of the people who have touched my life. one of them has ended his stay here. a bit too soon. i will have to continue cherishing the ones i have here. and telling them that i love them.


Anonymous said...

Here's to friends who come and go, CC. Ah so you and MGG went to business school together. Which one? =) I'm planning to take some masters but I'm at a loss about the details. Help. Business school seems the most practical.

JPdHotMess said...

That song!!! Ugh... makes me wanna say thanks (to my love ones) in a sad way :(

Keep it coming cc!