sleuthing makes your brain work fast. you dig into billing statements of years past. you would be aghast to notice that the mystery number has been appearing for two years. voice calls ranging from 30 calls to 65 calls a month. some calls lasting 45 mins. then you see one particular billing statement, one reflecting a trip to europe. in two weeks, 21 calls to that number, costing P18,000. your head reels. your hands are shaking. you feel so stupid. you feel like you've been taken for a ride for more than two years.
sure, during that time you weren't mother teresa. but you remember the guilt, the agony everytime you think how your lover has been so chaste while away from you. and how eventually, your own affairs you had to cut short. you couldnt stand the guilt. and you remember how that guilt finally pushed you to be totally honest with him, to wipe the slate clean. and how he was so wounded. of how he withdrew and became cold and bitter.
all the while maintaining his relations. ang tanga-tanga mo pala. you wanted to believe in him. you kept on telling people there was no way he could fool around. because that was what he kept on telling you.
you call the number again and ask badminton bud point blank - are you having an affair with my lover? quick denial
soon, lover is calling you, pissed off why you had to call badminton bud. how he was humiliated by the call.
a few days after, the confrontation. the denial. he tells you he's not having an affair with that guy. badminton bud just happens to be a nice person, a support system. you tell yourself - an P18,000 f**kng support system. good grief. he never even spent as much talking to you. ever.
and that you are barking up the wrong tree. HA HA. you got the guy all wrong.
but you dont care and you dont believe. you believe what your gut tells you. and you remain cold but livid. while he's arguing at the top of his voice.
finally you reach your dealbreaker: when you are taken for a loong ride, when you are taken for granted, when you are still lied to.
no deal.
7 comments:
Partner was ridden with guilt as well when you came clear with him about your affairs in the past. it was guilt that made him cold, withdrawn, and distant.
i left a comment here a a while back about "keeping the faith"...well..what is there to keep now? i feel bad, i'd like to beat him up for you, i'd like to curse your partner just so i could ease your pain. the torment you had to go through when he treated you so cold just made you look more like a stupid naive fool.
you thought in your heart he deserved your honesty but did he extend you the same honesty... we find subtle signs of indescretion and infidelities that we could shrugged off sometimes but a fucking 18k of phone bills... who are we kidding here? ask yourself if you deserve this and if you can honestly answer yourself, you know what to do. man, i feel for you. take care and find yourself a honest man.
This is surreal. My thoughts are with you. I'm sad it had to come to this.
Just a few months ago, you were on the other side of the argument. It saddens me that the judgment was made in haste. It appears that you went and seek the truth but you are consumed with jealousy and anger that you refuse to listen to what they have to say. Whatever happen to trust? If that was me, I would take their word for it. It is quite possible for one person to talk to a friend more than his partner. I do. P18K on overseas calls is easy to make. My phone bill went to $450 when I went to England back in 2003. I hope this will turn out alright.
CC wat happen? Honestly, this is what i go through now. Being suspicious. I hope you can settle it with your partner. The key to that is honest conversation.
teary eyed.... i just wish u d best of this Year of d RAT... also may the thirst of our longing souls be quenched as we observe the Lenten Season in anticipation of d coming Resurrection/Easter...
errrr... advans hapi bday? we're here for u CC!
salamat markus. yes, i remember your comment. it made me hopeful. of course, now all this is moot and academic.
hey quent. i appreciate you taking a non-judgmental stance on this. yes, it could be possible... i just find it improbable. and of course, this was not in isolation. i have noticed other tell tale signs, all in hindsight.
honest conversation has become a shouting match of sorts, voyager.
josh, thanks. year of the rat, the new cycle in the horoscope ushered in a very fundamental change in my life. now i need to cope.
devastating. very.
hey dave. thanks for visiting. yes. devastating.
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