Thursday, November 11, 2010

soul search

my shitty afternoon yesterday was exacerbated by a blog post that elicited some surprising reactions. a raider, just moments after posting, was turned off by the self-aggrandizement he perceived. i wanted to delete the damn post. instead, i made his comment a separate post altogether and justified my post. i received two comments: one was positive. the other was wholehearted agreement to the first comment. and this was happening while i was trying to de-stress from the work that had piled up in front of me. an impulse decision. i deleted both posts. i didnt want the additional negativity coming from blogging to add to my already stressed-out real life. then i regretted doing it, after reading a comment from another blogger and an email from a dear fellowfab.

sheesh. what is it with me? when did blogging turn out to be so stressful? arrggh. why did i become so wishy-washy? on one hand, this blog, this personal blog was supposed to be my outlet, my expression of "me". and it shouldnt be wrong or right. it could only be agreeable or not to a raider. yet on the other hand, im able to sustain this blog because of raiders, because of people who generally agree and like the blog. so their comments matter. on top of that, i am such a people-pleaser. im all harmony and nice stuff. negativity? i have much of that in the workplace. dont need more of that here.

im back to asking, why do i blog in the first place? or even deeper, what is the essence of this blog? its soul?

with so many things going on in my life right now, i cant see to process. i dont have answers.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

14 comments:

anteros' dominion said...

relax lang sir. masyado ka lang stressed out sa work kaya ganun..

just relax...and pray...

Mu[g]en said...

Dear CC,

I hope this answers your question. You are not alone in asking why we always have this itch to write.

"Writing can be a pretty desperate endeavor, because it is about some of our deepest needs: our need to be visible, to be heard, our need to make sense of our lives, to wake up and grow and belong. It is no wonder if we sometimes tend to take ourselves perhaps a bit too seriously."

- Anne Lamott

joelmcvie said...

Teh, the reason why I have comment moderation in my blog is simple. Take a page from advertising: show the comments that you like, disapprove those you don't (for WHATEVER reason) like. I am in control of my blog, and I say what comments will be published or not.

There are readers' contradictory comments that do make sense; not all of them need to see the light of day though.

Anonymous said...

1/4

Dear CC,

I hope today is not a shitty day for you at the office.

First, I agree with you. This is your blog. You can write anything and everything you wish to write. However, I also believe that the moment you voluntarily share your thoughts with the blogging universe, you must be ready for "surprising reactions" : good or bad. positive or negative. agreeable or not. All part of the game.

You also have the choice whether to ignore comments from raiders, or even post a comment as a separate entry because it is "deserving for its honesty".

And then again, you have the liberty to delete any moment, any of the above. Just like what you did yesterday....

Ming Meows said...

wow, sensitive ka pala teh.

what does your blog, kris aquino, willie revillame have in common? Two things. May mga hater/s kayo. And... you're popular. Sa totoo lang, naiinggit ako sayo kasi meron kang haters.

The essence of this blog? It's yours. So kahit anung paninira nila, it still yours. You can do everything you want because it's yours. So instead of deleting blog posts, why not delete bad comments instead.

Anonymous said...

Blogging about yourself and accomplishments is OK..

You inspire people to be like you, to strive harder, to improve themselves. I don't feel any negativity with your posts (not even a slight hint of 'gloating' that other people say) because you are writing about your own personal experiences and accomplishments, and sharing these things with us --in the process.

Maybe other people will find the blog entries 'unbelievable' (and they are just green with envy :P)because you have achieved so much at such a young age..I salute you..and honestly, you inspire me..

You cannot please everybody. Just be true to yourself.

Take care! SMILE!! =)

Anonymous said...

i love your blog. i think that a blog is solely the author's.

when invited, people can enter one's house but should not leave muddy footprints on the way out. those who do not appreciate a particular artwork does not have the right to leave marks on the painting.

if one does not agree with what he reads in your blog, he should just leave.

keep writing, and i hope things in the work place get better.

sean

rudeboy said...

"...i am such a people-pleaser."

Perhaps that's it. It bothered you that some of your raiders were less than pleased with your post.

But you also wrote that personal blogs shouldn't be wrong or right.

It's a nice thing to be liked, but as I recently commented on McVie's blog, popularity - like love - comes with so many conditions. Not everyone will love you. Not all your raiders will enjoy what you wrote 100% of the time.

I won't be so presumptuous as to hazard any analyses, since I only "know" you from your writings. But maybe - just maybe - approval is something that's really important to you.

In which case, there's another question to add to your ruminations.

Spiral Prince said...

If your blog is your outlet, then it should be free from outside influence. Yes, it is open to the public, and yes, it will always be subject to other people's opinions, but you have no control over that. Opinions on things will never change the nature of the intent behind it, which is, to me, what matters most. It is 'the soul' of an act. Good intentions don't always translate well, but you're always free to offer an explanation should people misunderstand and hope for them to understand in turn. While it is true that your raiders help motivate you to keep on blogging, you are by no means obliged to please them. You are not required to please us. This is your show. This is your stage, we are merely here to observe. Once you start writing to please others, then the blog ceases to be an expression of yourself. The blog stops fulfilling its purpose. If purpose gives meaning to life, then won't losing it equate to losing life itself? Continue putting on a show on your stage for yourself, not for us. Opinions will always differ, but they're not all that bad. You're always free to approach them constructively. Try looking at the heart of each opinion and decide whether it is good in nature or otherwise and learn from them. Keep the good points in mind when you write a post, but you should not let it wholly change the heart of your posts. :)

I think it all boils down to the heart of blogging being expression, not impression.

Anonymous said...

this is your web log. :)
write whatever you want.

this isn't a self-help blogspot for others to feel good about themselves.

Mac Callister said...

its natural naman siguro na some will agree and some dont.ok lang yun.deadma nalang sa mga nega na comments.

Prince Henry said...

CC, just listen to your favorite music. and enjoy your respite. stress go away.. heheh

--Henry

Guyrony said...

McVie and the gang were just talking about this the other day.

Sensing that there was already an affectation of your emotion towards the commenters' opinion, the gang simply opened their opinions on the matter.

Yes, you are definitely a people-pleaser, wanting affirmation from the people around, having grown from people who loves to socialize, one can presume the importance of people around and their agreement.

Although we always have to remember, we should never be affected for statements we deem as untrue and quite false in nature.

For drying out loud, all we need is another Soju Partey! Yipeee!

Guyrony said...

I mean crying out loud. Geez. ;)