my shitty afternoon yesterday was exacerbated by a blog post that elicited some surprising reactions. a raider, just moments after posting, was turned off by the self-aggrandizement he perceived. i wanted to delete the damn post. instead, i made his comment a separate post altogether and justified my post. i received two comments: one was positive. the other was wholehearted agreement to the first comment. and this was happening while i was trying to de-stress from the work that had piled up in front of me. an impulse decision. i deleted both posts. i didnt want the additional negativity coming from blogging to add to my already stressed-out real life. then i regretted doing it, after reading a comment from another blogger and an email from a dear fellowfab.
sheesh. what is it with me? when did blogging turn out to be so stressful? arrggh. why did i become so wishy-washy? on one hand, this blog, this personal blog was supposed to be my outlet, my expression of "me". and it shouldnt be wrong or right. it could only be agreeable or not to a raider. yet on the other hand, im able to sustain this blog because of raiders, because of people who generally agree and like the blog. so their comments matter. on top of that, i am such a people-pleaser. im all harmony and nice stuff. negativity? i have much of that in the workplace. dont need more of that here.
im back to asking, why do i blog in the first place? or even deeper, what is the essence of this blog? its soul?
with so many things going on in my life right now, i cant see to process. i dont have answers.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad