i walked inside the condo lobby, about to transact business with a tenant. i casually notice just one other guy on the sofa. he looked at me. i give him a once-over. not terrible looking. a few baths perhaps. looks like a good build though. he was slouching, his pelvis thrust upward, the crotch emphasized in the position.
i looked away and talked to the guard. as the guard was confirming the tenant's presence, i glance back at him. he is staring at me.
my heart started to beat faster. the oddly familiar feeling. the sixth sense of sex. all contained in a look.
i sat down across him to wait for my tenant. i try to steal a glance at him again. he looked around. he looked bored. but his lower limbs started moving. the adduction-abduction of the thighs. in the vernacular, Kuyakuy. freud would posit that as discreet masturbation. with him there was nothing discreet about it, at least to me. that movement was meant to coax an erection, without overtly rubbing his crotch.
the pulse continued to race. my mouth was quite dry. that adrenalin response. i stole a glance again, and caught him looking at me again.
yes, the familiar feeling. in another time and place, with another cc incarnation, the sequence of events would have led to one or the other sending overt signals. the 'come hither' look. or more crassly, the "follow me to some isolated place so we could exchange numbers or even fluids" look.
i stopped looking, quite ashamed of the feeling. but i had to recognize them as they are. i had to call them out. the person he was waiting for arrived. and they both left. the pulse started to decelerate. the feelings were subsiding, normalizing.
the feelings never really go away. i've learned to recognize, acknowledge, label the feelings. let them pass through me. no violent denials. just letting your self know that the feelings are there. but they don't have to control your actions. they don't have to be acted on. they don't have to define you. they eventually come to pass.
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