cast the first stone

this was forwarded to me by a friend. as i read it, i felt overwhelmed different emotions. curiosity drove me to look at the link. "pastor" and "relationship with... man" were the words that struck me.

reading the article, i started to feel repulsed by the pastor. he was condemning homosexual sex. he was the president of an evangelical association, for crying out loud. and he was also this lecherous adult, encouraging a 20yo to 'have fun on the side'. such hypocrisy.

then i started to feel empathy. yes, i actually knew what he was going through. i have chronicled my own struggle with these 'drives'. i know how it feels to feel so powerless, even as i knew how wrong it was, according to my faith. i stopped condemning him and realized that he was not too different from me.

then it became fear. i have my own skeletons in the corporate closet. and if something like this got out for him, it could very well happen to cc. of course, im not famous or anything. but i do have my circles. and within those circles, talk could be vicious.

in the end, i could not cast a stone against the poor pastor.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/01/29/lkl.ted.haggard/index.html#cnnSTCText

return to eden

i was here two years ago, at the Eden Nature Park & Resort in Davao City. It's 2,600m above sea level. the place still looks the same, maintained. of course the rooms are a bit older. but you really shouldnt expect 7-star amenities. it's your own private Baguio City. Pine trees, cool climate, hiking trails. my vista cottage overlooks a canopy of rainforest foliage. and you can hear the rumbling of a shallow brook below. that background sound amidst the chirps of birds and mating calls of insects. =)

really peaceful actually. i saw a young hetero couple in the dining area. i wonder if this is the place for honeymooning couples though. well, if you are both the outdoorsy type. because you are confined to just going around the place. and a day tour will accomplish that pretty much.

its 1016am and i still feel so serene. all i want to do is to share this with you. and sleep to nature sounds. =)

it's worth a visit, an overnighter at least, if ever you are in davao city.

www.edennaturepark.com.ph

meetings, meetings

you will know that you are climbing the corporate ladder if you are attending more and more meetings. that's true. when you used to at the frontlines, or at the back end, most of what you do are effects of what has been discussed and approved and agreed upon. your role was to execute, to implement.

as you move up, your role shifts slowly. at first, your attendance at meetings would be observational in purpose. you are not really expected to jump in and make substantial contributions to the discussion. you are, most importantly, there to observe the process, the protocols, the behaviors. then as people become more comfortable in your presence, you start to contribute. at first, it would be just be about being vocal, agreeing to an idea or a move. then you start to participate more by putting in some disagreement. but refrain from being the lone dissenting opinion. the group dynamics you become part of will slowly accept you and your opinions. and pretty soon you are part of the entire process, actively contributing. your opinion is sought. your vote counts.

on a bigger picture, you still continue to execute much of what was agreed upon. but you will feel the fulfillment of knowing the discussions behind the decision. soon you will have others to execute for you. and your role shifts more. you attend meetings where you are expected to say your piece, to react, to respond, to put order. and you will have more and more meetings to attend.

nevertheless, regardless of your role, bear in mind that you should always be PREPARED for meetings. even as just a member, more so if you are presenting. please stop yourself from thinking that you could always "wing it". preparing means knowing the agenda, the objectives of the meeting ahead of time. this means doing some background data gathering to put the meeting in perspective. take time to really read through previous minutes. nothing irritates other people more than somebody pestering his seat mate to be brought up to speed. it's actually disrespectful of the group and of the process.

and for those who are still in the observation role during meetings, again, exercise extreme caution when you open your mouth. be very, very mindful of what you will say. make sure you have studied the group dynamics and have figured out what works best.

the one who got away

January 24 at 2:00am

Report Message

Just wondering if you are the CC I used to hang out with in Manila like 15 years ago... Are you from UP? I am Robbie. Let me know either way, I am in the process of locating my old friends..

I was so surprised to read this message in my social networking site inbox. Wow. Robbie? i couldn't believe it.

I have two exes whom I would label as 'the one who got away.' Robbie is one of them. we had a brief but intense relationship so many years back. I was about 23yo then, he was about a year younger.

i cant remember how we actually met. must have been a referral. he was a contradiction of sorts. on the outside, he looked like a punk. curly hair that he would grow long. he was faithful to the punk-rock 80's look, even on a casual day. he wasn't so handsome but i found his slanted-downward eyes cute and his 'pico-de-loro' nose adorable.

but he overwhelmed me with his intelligence and creativity. he spoke four languages, including spanish and bahasa. he played all musical instruments and composed songs, beautiful melodies.

yet all he wanted was to be known as a punk rocker. he didnt even pay much attention to trying to get work.

we would argue about that, and argue passionately. because i was just starting my career then. and all i could think about was how to start earning big so i could do what i want.

but he had such a beautiful, sensitive side. he would bring me to a conservatory of music, to visit friends, malaysian seminarians who were studying music. and on the piano, he would play songs he composed. and one song he composed for me. i still keep the hand-written lyrics of that song. i would melt just listening to him and he would just look into my eyes, with so much soul.

i broke his heart when i hooked up with a friend of his (yes, i was that despicable). it just so happened that his friend was drop-dead gorgeous. and that young age, i was blown over. he felt betrayed but i never felt that he hated me. that was the end of that (a less-than-a-year affair).

we tried to keep in touch a few years after. and he would introduce me to his new paramour, as i introduce mine. i'd be flattered when he'd mention that his new love was just like me, in many ways.

many, many years after, i came to realize how valuable he was to me. and how wonderful that short affair was.

oh wow. hey rob. yes, its me. it's actually more like 20 yrs ago when we used to hang out. i still vividly recall those times we used to hang out. i couldnt believe this, seriously. do you still compose? and i see you are in the travel industry now. all those languages you know must come in handy.

i've always wondered what happened to you. thank you for locating me and id really like to be in touch from now on, rob. please tell me more about yourself. do take care.

the downside

im enjoying the single life, by and large. i actively date different people. and sometimes, i get to enjoy a great 'roll in the hay' with some of them. i am glad that there is this short list of people still willing to hang out with me. sadly though, there would still be times when i need to be with someone, when i need a date and none of them are available.

then i suddenly miss being in a relationship. being in a relationship is an almost-guarantee of being with someone special all the time, or at the very least, when it matters most. at least for me, i miss that assurance that i will have a date for this party or for that dinner or for that movie. i am 'committed' to spend time with my partner as he is as 'committed' to me.

that's what i don't have as single cc. there will always be times i need company and i couldnt get it.

and its worse than needing sex. i could easily get that. but i couldn't easily get that special way of relating to another person that makes you feel good inside.

don't i have friends? my closest, dearest friends are from way, way back. we hardly see each other because we all have our different lives and sets of friends. and i have to admit that relating with friends are different. there's a time that being with friends are hugely satisfying. but there are also times that i'd want to be with a non-friend, a special someone.

oh well, ill snap out of this soon.

such fortuitous times

e are so blessed to be living in such historic times. so many things are happening in our lifetime: the fall of communism and its symbols (Berlin Wall), turn of the century, turn of the millennium, turnover of technologies. we've outlasted dictatorships, papacies. and now we have witnessed the first colored president of the U.S.

obama's inaugural speech.



i would never have thought i would live to see this day.

kung hei fat choi fabcast

the fabcast for the singkit bagong taon!

it was a full moon.
there was wine and bailey's.
and there was work the following day.
there were only four fabcasters.
there were loads of laughter and kalandian.
there was some role-playing.
there was some seriousness.
there was a sincere wish for a better 2009!


The 2009 Fabcast (Part One : 21 minutes)

Download this podcast (10 MB - right click and save).

The 2009 Fabcast (Part Two : 26 minutes)

Download this podcast (12.5 MB - right click and save).

close encounters with the ex kind 1

ex introduced me to badminton early on when the craze was just beginning to snowball. he also introduced me to friends and acquaintances who played the game. soon they also became my friends as i played regularly.

it was during our badminton games previously that ex brought in his 'badminton buddy' from down south. and (BB) badminton buddy would evolve to become the cause of the break-up, two years after i met him.

the barkada chose no sides after the split up. i love the group and would still join the games or the nights-out and the parties, though not as frequently as before. and there would be times that ex would also be there. we politely avoid each other. dedmahan lang. and since the group is pretty large, the group would just conveniently 'split up' whenever we were both in the room.

it finally happened, a badminton game when i would bump into ex and bb.

i arrived late. and i knew that ex was joining this game. i walked in and saw many courts being played by the group. i saw ex playing. i just chatted with some of those still at the benches before changing into game clothes.

while i was back on the bleachers, i realized that ex was with bb. one of the bitchier friends quips 'di ba yan si homewrecker?' LOL. 'yes, but it was really a home destined for wrecking!'

being in the court with them was fine. it was a huge court. and we never played against one another. but the dinner after was going to be the problem.

i was again late joining them for dinner. as i parked the car, i could see the barkada (smaller now, the core group) huddled at the corner area (about 10pax). i froze when i saw ex and bb there. i didnt expect that. he usually begs off from the dinner after.

i remained in the car, undecided. it was too small an area for all of us to be in. suddenly i felt soooo uncomfortable. i thought i could remain unaffected. i thought i could just walk in there. but i anticipated the sudden silence. the awkwardness that would just hang in the air. and the trite attempts at cliche greetings. and i chickened out.

i pulled out of the parking lot. i am just not ready for something like that.

should i pull away from that group and let him enjoy that barkada, his barkada primarily, in peace?

'pretty woman' all over again

i'm watching 'pretty woman'. i enjoyed this movie eons ago. and im watching it again, with different eyeballs. diamond in the rough meets diamond cutter. rich, powerful edward lewis. gets into this 'escort transaction' with pretty hooker he meets by chance. she becomes trophy date. of course it turns into romance later, as she proves to be a truly beautiful person inside and out.

im a sucker for transformations and make-overs. from julia in pretty woman to anne hathaway in devil wears prada. love the way they become just awesome with the right combination of expensive apparel and hair & make-up! =) bading na bading

im fantasizing about making a similar business proposition to ec (eye candy). for a fee, ec acts as my gorgeous date in certain functions, particularly where there is a gaggle of badings around. the guy doesnt really need a make-over but i'd still like to dress him up, be my 'ken' doll. and i'd bring him to parties and just make the badings turn green. that's what trophies are for. let me correct a potential misimpression, though. ec's not 'for hire'. he just needs additional income but he doesnt do tricks.

behind this, im actually both power-tripping and feeling hmm lonely. there, i said it. yeah. the power-trip part is where i know i have all the phone numbers in my cell i could just dial for a relationship. and as i bui'd this morning, its quite easy to hook up. but on the other hand, none of them would really fill the need. because they all have this expectation. and going out with them again will just send the wrong signals.

so im back to square one. id rather pay for company, so to speak. no emotional entanglements. yet i hit more birds with one stone (i get to be with a gorgeous guy, stare at him for the entire time and be the envy of most badings) power-trip. what money could do. as if i had all the money.

but as the movie goes, the emotions do get entangled. and not always in that beautiful cinematic ending.

so im back to just enjoying the movie. hehehe

BUI: almost sex

the thrill is really in the chase. i just feel so powerful right now. i was at a friend's bar, a place i haven't visited in weeks. i visit to return some things borrowed. there was a small crowd. nice for a friday night drink. i pretty much know most of the people at the bar. except for one.

i like dimples. and he had them... deep ones. and while we were all drinking beer, he was downing juice. he's sick 'raw'. and i check him out. cute. young and cute.

it was a slow-paced cruise. i didnt want the entire bar to know i was on to him. and we were talking, as he followed me to the john. yeah. he is cute.

soon, we were flirting with each other. i was rubbing my crotch against his leg. i could feel his hand caressing me on m chest.

we soon exchanged numbers. and set a date when we would have fun. definitely not tonight, i told him. because he is feeling under the weather. and i was not about to exchange body fluids with him.

he's half my age. literally. sheesh. they are getting younger and younger.

my friend hugs me as i say goodbye and whispers in my ear: once a winner, always a winner. that cruising scene was so empowering. it's like getting what i want all the time.

almost sex but not quite. but i dont feel 'bitin' at all. i actually feel great.

Earn It. Don't Flaunt It.

I have a colleague, a mid-level manager, who just joined the company. Generally nice and jovial, very efficient, he was well liked initially. Until they saw that jokes could get to him (pikon) and that he becomes 'nasty' when he's pissed. one time, during a fit, he texted some of his colleagues with a stern message that ended with "signed, Sir _____". now that text raised a lot of eyebrows in the office.

you see, though people address me as Sir Cc in the office, i don't use the 'title' (Sir) on written communications to refer to myself. i don't feel comfortable doing it because the position should speak for itself, i dont have to 'carry my own pedestal' (is there an English translation of 'nagbubuhat ng sariling bangko'?)

in essence, the culture of the company is built on this. and the people appreciate this gesture of humility. and they are appalled when people 'push their weight around'.

i have always believed that respect in the corporate setting still needs to be earned. assuming a certain post or title would of course confer a degree of respect dictated by social norms. but you would still need to 'earn' that respect from your colleagues through competence, and showing as much respect to others, regardless of where they are in the hierarchy. that earned respect precedes you. even before you speak, people are already receptive, even eager to hear what you have to say. and your directions, your guidance are better accepted and followed.

earn that respect and you will not need to punctuate your messages with "signed, Sir _____"

cashmere mafia

im at this dinner with PLU friends, old and new. they are discussing the shows they download from torrent: heroes, fringe, true blood, ghost hunters. and except for heroes, im absolutely clueless about the shows. they look like they are so into these shows, which seem to come from a certain genre, action/sci fi ek. i couldnt contribute. im new at downloading torrent. and the only show ive been downloading is cashmere mafia, upon the recomm of my niece.

it's a sex and the city rip-off. it's SATC that's more fashionable, more intriguing, more into drama. and fails miserably. turns out ABC pulled the plug after 7 episodes. but i watch it just to see what happens next. and yes, the clothes are fabulous. the ladies, headed by lucy liu, are not exactly SATC copycats. it obviously wants to be more politically correct with an asian at the helm. the banter is quite heavy, a lot less witty and funny than SATC.

this is also a classic case in marketing, product development. this new product is supposed to be an improvement over the previous one (SATC), trying to address probably some perceived gaps in the previous product's performance. the new product fails because the market doesn't really feel that there is a need for improvement anyway. the industry, entertainment, thrives on totally new concepts/shows/products, not incremental innovations.

now going back to the first paragraph, are PLU's more into action now? wow. butch na butch! =)

a bigger enigma

well, literally, bigger. he has probably gained 20 to 30 lbs since. we finally got around to meet after many attempts. we dont really text as often. and admittedly, there are other priorities in my life now.

but it was good seeing him again. his eyes and his smile are as sweet as i remember them to be. and he was a jovial. he invited me to join him and his friends to a dinner at a friend's place. this was his core barkada and their lovers. ive met them before. and they all warmly welcomed me. we all had a great time over a bottle of Grand Marnier.

i was looking at enigma and thinking that i didnt play that card well. but i also knew that he wasnt THE card. and though i would have wanted to end with a kiss, the guy is better off without me complicating his life again.

he would look at me and i sometimes read a 'what happened to us' look. or im just reading too much.

we would always remain to neither here nor there, neither friends nor lovers. "we" will always be an enigma. and i think it is better this way.

the blogger and his reader

i must admit that some of the comments ive gotten have gotten to me. 'it's like seeing a friend waste his life'... 'but obviously you need a life..'.... 'it makes me go "argggh... not another sex story!"'. i was inclined to defend my style, my lifestyle, heck my life, even. i wanted to say 'hey guys, you dont really know me.' im not just my blog. there's more to me.

and then i realize that i think the same way too about the blogs i read. if i didnt know mcvie personally, id probably think that he is just a guy with too much time on his hands after the bath house. or that mgg is such a horny guy so totally into collecting cute guys pictures or something. and it could go on and on.

so in the end, i dont blame readers for thinking this or that way about the blogger, or in my case, about cc. in the absence of other information, we readers are really left with just the blog as basis for understanding the person behind the blog.

rather, id like to say thank you for such comments. because i'd like to read those comments as comments of concern or even care rather than derision.

detail, detail

im really quite oc-oc (obsessive compulsive). i like things to be neat and orderly. i cant help it. i get a headache when things are topsy-turvy, when objects are not properly arranged. i got it from my mom. she definitely trained us to be neat about our things.

if at first i resented having to clean up, now, all grown-up, i dont. i value these things highly. and i realize that this attitude is also essential to being a good manager.

this need for order, related to a need for control makes me attentive to detail. i love pouring over details, anticipating scenarios to make sure that everything goes smoothly. it makes me want to be on top of things, to be informed of developments. i hate surprises, especially those that could have been anticipated, with enough thought and consideration.

that's another piece of advice i'd give to those wanting to move up the corporate ladder. develop that knack for detail, for being in control. yes, it's borderline neurosis but it shows your bosses your concern for the project, for the business. you just want everything to be the right the first time, to do the right things rather than doing things right.

as you develop that, you will also need to develop the habit NOT to micro-manage. you shouldnt have to do the things your direct reports do. that's their job, not yours. it's a fine line. but its a line worth making.

detail, detail, people. think about it. =)

poker and love

life is like a card game, a poker game. its part luck, with the cards that you get... and part skill, with the way you play your hand, whatever cards you got, maximizing the mix to maximize the chance of winning.

i'm considering the analogy as relevant even with loving relationships. ive been single for almost a year now. im tempted to defensively say 'single by choice'. but im now thinking that i didnt have much choice.

meeting that special someone, the 'effing one', as gibbs so nicely puts it, im starting to believe, is beyond me. reality check, using the poker game analogy: i just havent gotten the 'card' yet. ive gotten great cards when it comes to career, to family, to friendships. but i havent gotten lucky when it come to the 'love card'. and i might not even get that card anymore. tough luck. but the game is just half chance, the other half is about skill in playing your hand.

ill just have to make sure that im playing my cards the best way possible: im maximizing opportunities to become better, to be a nicer person, to achieve success not just for myself but for the people around. and i take out those 'cards' the pull me down. and i remain open to chance... that the love card might just come my way one of these days. and it could come from nowhere, from somewhere least expected.

but meanwhile, i play the hand the best that i could. my happiness, my fulfillment should be with the 'here and now'. and ultimately it really is. it's not at the end of the road, happiness is along the way.

love may or may not come my way. but that doesnt mean that my peace and happiness will or will not happen. my joy, my peace is already here. =)

making love, the movie

it was probably one of the first major films to deal with homosexuality as the central theme. I was in 4th yr high school when i watched it with my friends at Quad. I remember being so moved by the story, not that it's such a great story nor movie. I just felt that Making Love was the first film that talked to me directly about the feelings that have been welling up inside me. And with that film, i first glimpsed the discreet gay male lifestyle - which we used to call 'macho gay'. i instinctively knew that this was the lifestyle for me. although i had my effeminate ways growing up, i never fully identified with the overtly effeminate homosexual, which was the stereotype. for some reason, i didnt feel like a 'woman trapped in a man's body'. i definitely didnt want to see myself in make-up or in women's clothes. watching harry hamlin as the beefy, macho homosexual in a room full of other gays like him was like seeing HOME for the first time.

the movie itself has a very simple story line. young, cute married doctor discovers his latent homosexuality with hunky patient, a discreet but out gay writer. with him, doctor experiences m2m sex for the first time. he wants a relationship but hunky gay writer is not into relationships. meanwhile, his marriage crumbles on the weight of the discovery. poor unsuspecting wife flips out. she wants him back but he has made up his mind to be true to himself.

fast forward to a time when he has finally found a lover and he meets ex-wife again, also happily married with a kid this time. she looks like she still carries the torch but he definitely is happier about himself.

it was a major motion picture then (as far as i was concerned). and even their kiss seemed to be shot from afar, not made to look too intimate. but it was definitely an achievement then. more particularly to young gays like me, still discovering their identities.

i still have very vivid memories of certain scenes: the 'counseling' style of presenting the wife and the lover, the kiss, the bar scene, etc. and i remain so grateful to the film for making me realize that there is a lifestyle not necessarily confined to make-up, long hair and beauty pageants.

career advice

a young acquaintance of mine was texting me, asking if he could consult with me on a planned career change. he's 26yo, currently in the bpo industry. he seems very smart and witty. and is now interested in a career in marketing. but he wonders if he's too old for a change.

what's my take on it?

well, im flattered he wanted to ask for my advice. even though im no career guru, i guess i have my two-cents worth of thoughts on the matter.

i dont consider 26 too old for a change in career. heck, even people in their 30's change their careers, not just their jobs.

if he really wants to, he can just do it. he may suffer a pay cut, considering that his skill sets are probably not what the new career requires. so he would probably start at the bottom rung. but if he really wants marketing, he should be willing to take a few steps back and learn the ropes.

i did that myself. my original career path was teaching. i was enjoying it but i felt i wasnt going to earn much. so i opted to go to the industry, and try out marketing. i started as a lowly account executive. and since lecturers in the university had relatively higher starting pay, i took a pay cut. but it didnt matter. i knew that in time, i was going to rise up the ladder and earn more, and out-earn my co-teachers in the university.

for a lot of young people right now, i know that earning much early on in their careers could be quite 'intoxicating'. but it could be short-term sacrificed for long-term. they end up in jobs they don't really enjoy, only because they could no longer afford not to be there. or at other times, it's really just ego getting in the way.

so i will be telling my young friend that hopefully, he has not put himself in a predicament where he can no longer take a cut in salary. and that he wouldnt mind starting from the bottom. because only when he finally gets that job which would satisfy him, fulfill him will the perks follow. =)

Twilight Zone: Grace Note

A young girl is frustrated because she hasn't been able to pursue her dream of performing grand opera, because of family responsibilities. Her dying younger sister gives her a special gift for her birthday, a startling glimpse of the future, her future. She witnesses herself as star of the Metropolitan Opera, and realizes that she must and she will pursue her dream for her sister, for her family.

with much time in my hands, im finally watching the dvds of twilight zone (80's run) that i bought in 07! though ive forgotten most of the episodes, just the few first scenes sends me back memory lane, and i am suddenly reminded of different episodes, like this one.

This is such a beautiful episode. A dying sister urges her talented sister to pursue her dreams. But she is reluctant, bogged down by the realities of taking care of the family. The sister's death wish comes true: that she sees her future, her beautiful future as the opera singer. She watches herself perform, being applauded and loved.

i have an older sister who is down on her luck right now. and i know she's feeling very shitty about herself. i really dont know what the future holds for her. but if that future is a bright one, i would wish that she could get a glimpse of it. and by seeing that future, she'd be able to gather enough courage to carry on and persevere.

would you want to see yourself in the future? would seeing it change you or what you are doing right now?

masayang homo

homo...nyms, that is.

just thought of sharing this old email. one of the things im doing on the first day at work: clean up the inbox. my hair stands on its ends when i see too much email on my inbox. (too much = X>100emails)

1. He who jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine.


2. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


3. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.


4. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.


5. Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.


6. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.


7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


8. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.


9. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


10. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.


11. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


12. When two egoists meet, it's an I for an I.


13. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.


14. Definition of a will: a dead give away.


15. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


16. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.


17. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.


18. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


19. If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

 - LOVE THIS!
20. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


21. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.


22. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.


23. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


24. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under
.

25. Every calendar's days are numbered.


26. A lot of money is tainted - it taint yours and it taint mine.


27. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.


28. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.


29. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end
.

30. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.


31. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

 - ANG CUTE NITO!
32. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


33. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

saya talaga pag homo! =)

Trabaho Uli

i never thought i'd miss working this much. The holidays seemed too long. it became a task waking up late with no major plan for the day.

but now its back to the daily grind. a totally new year with new targets, new programs, new plans, new competition! and it would be nice to see colleagues again! though im not too sure if they feel the same way about me. hehe. im known to have a temper. "may S" (sumpong) my secretary would put it.

but im not one to shout at anyone, no matter how angry i get. i dont believe in that. besides, i hate being shouted at, too. i have learned that just being terribly quiet and ice-cold as i hold my temper is equally effective (in getting the message across). i just hold my tongue (and turn red) whenever something irks me.

but i also do not just keep things to myself. i have learned to be confrontational (without being violent). i need to tell people how i feel so that they know. and with that knowledge, i hope they correct themselves. again, that's something i'd like to be done to me, too. i'd like to know. i don't enjoy guessing.

as a whole, i think im a likable boss... i think. hahaha. oh well, as long as the job gets done.

i guess i really love my job! =)

magandang umaga!

friendships for life

cheesy title, i know. but i couldn't express it better.

as i get older, i cherish more and more the friendships that span years, even decades.

yesterday, it was with high school friends, that's easily almost three decades of being friends! we were a huge group in malate. and we just kept on reminiscing about the kalandian, the heartaches, the fashion emergencies, the sex scandals. and we ended up just laughing till our bellies ache, literally!

before that, it was dinner with my other g-friends, friends ive had since i was just starting out with my career. i met them mostly through my ex then. we remain in touch. and would have our occasional dinners, especially when one of the group flies in from out of town.

with both groups, we don't get together as often. once every quarter is quite frequent. but we pick up where we left off. we update each other's love lives, sex lives, professional lives. we follow-up some hanging questions. and the best part, they don't care who you are now, whether you are a hotshot designer, or a big-time sales manager, or a CEO, you are still just one of us. humbling, yes, but also very gratifying.

there's really no need for pretensions, for buttering up. you are yourself, warts, pimples, farts and all. and you will bitch at each other, tear each other down. because after all that, you still hug and say 'i miss you' and 'im so happy for you'.

as i treasure new friendships, i always make room for the ones that have lasted for life. nothing, no one really replaces them.

SST: SexSaTxt

cc: good morning. feeling better?
wm: i'm hard right now thinking about your plan.
cc: let me start with me going down on your cock, sucking it, all the way. as i tease your nipples and fondle your nutsack.
wm: shit... im so hard right now. keep going.
cc: you're lying on the bed, tied up i straddle you and make you suck my cock as i beat you cock, making it rock hard.
wm: tell me more
cc: as you are still helpless there, tied up. i put some whip cram on you chest, abs and your cock. slowly i lick it off, making sure i taste each and every inch of your body, your cock.
oh man, your cock tastes so good
wm: you are such a tease. tell me more
cc: i take out the dildo and as i suck your cock, i start to tease your asshole with its tip. your hole starts to respond and open a bit. you're enjoyiing this. i feel you so hard. im preparing my hole for you.
cc: i put on the rubber on your prick. and lube it well. i steadily sit on it. im having a hard time. i wince from the pain. you're so big. but i try again.
wm: i wish i could feel the inside of you. flesh against flesh
cc: aww. that would be nice but a tad reckless of me.
i manage to finally get all of you in me. aaahhhh. painful but it feels great. i jerk myself off as i pump you slowly then i move faster and faster. im really getting hard.
wm:hopefully, ill stay hard with a rubber. my wife and i dont use them so im not used to it.
cc: ill make sure you do. you'll have as much fun, promise.
wm: ok :-)
cc: and as im pumping you so hard, i release you from bondage. wildly, you take control and lay me on the bed and you fuck me so hard.
wm: hehe. i like that.
cc: and you flip me over, raise my buns and fuck me from behind. im so losing my mind as you ram your big prick inside me.
wm: damn. you are so hot...
cc: am on my back and you're still fucking me hard. my legs are up in the air. im beating my very hard cock. and in one final shove, you come inside me, wave upon wave of jism. and as i feel your hot juice with the pain and pleasure, i shoot my load all over my chest.
cc: all spent, we lie side by side. i cradle you in my arms and lightly kiss you on your lips, your cheeks, your closed eyes, your forehead. and you sleep like a baby.
happy new year, wm. mwah
wm: so sweet. :-)

pahabol na putukan

matagal ko na siyang kilala. nagkakilala kami nung ako ay may kasintahan pa. at ang turing ko sa kanya ay kaibigan lamang. di ko inakalang may lihim siyang pagtingin.

nalaman ko na lang ngayong lagi kaming nagkikita sa mga salu-salo ng kaibigan. nung isang beses, nung ako'y naka-upo, nasa likod ko siyang nagmamasahe sa aking batok. at naramdaman kong dumampi ang kanyang bukol sa aking likuran. at naramdaman kong unti-unting lumalaki at tumitigas ang kanyang sandata.

dun ko naramdaman na iba na ang turing niya sa akin. di lamang kami magkaibigan.

nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataong magkasama nung bisperas ng bagong taon. ipinakita niya sa akin ang kanyang bagong condo. at doon, naganap ang matagal ng inaasam.

inaamin ko. nais kong makita para sa sarili ko ang matagal ng pinag-uusapan ng buong barkada. ang kanyang mahiwagang sandata. usapin ang dakilang laki nito.

sa matamis naming pagtatalik, nakita ko na nga ang kadakilaan ng kanyang ari. marahil, eto na ata ang pinakadakila sa lahat ng mga nakita kong Pinoy. (inuulit ko... Pinoy)

at yan ang aking pahabol na putukan bago mag-2009.