Sunday, January 18, 2009

close encounters with the ex kind 1

ex introduced me to badminton early on when the craze was just beginning to snowball. he also introduced me to friends and acquaintances who played the game. soon they also became my friends as i played regularly.

it was during our badminton games previously that ex brought in his 'badminton buddy' from down south. and (BB) badminton buddy would evolve to become the cause of the break-up, two years after i met him.

the barkada chose no sides after the split up. i love the group and would still join the games or the nights-out and the parties, though not as frequently as before. and there would be times that ex would also be there. we politely avoid each other. dedmahan lang. and since the group is pretty large, the group would just conveniently 'split up' whenever we were both in the room.

it finally happened, a badminton game when i would bump into ex and bb.

i arrived late. and i knew that ex was joining this game. i walked in and saw many courts being played by the group. i saw ex playing. i just chatted with some of those still at the benches before changing into game clothes.

while i was back on the bleachers, i realized that ex was with bb. one of the bitchier friends quips 'di ba yan si homewrecker?' LOL. 'yes, but it was really a home destined for wrecking!'

being in the court with them was fine. it was a huge court. and we never played against one another. but the dinner after was going to be the problem.

i was again late joining them for dinner. as i parked the car, i could see the barkada (smaller now, the core group) huddled at the corner area (about 10pax). i froze when i saw ex and bb there. i didnt expect that. he usually begs off from the dinner after.

i remained in the car, undecided. it was too small an area for all of us to be in. suddenly i felt soooo uncomfortable. i thought i could remain unaffected. i thought i could just walk in there. but i anticipated the sudden silence. the awkwardness that would just hang in the air. and the trite attempts at cliche greetings. and i chickened out.

i pulled out of the parking lot. i am just not ready for something like that.

should i pull away from that group and let him enjoy that barkada, his barkada primarily, in peace?


Ming Meows said...

You shouldn't be guilty in the first place. Pakapalan na lang ng mukha.

Julius said...

mcvie once said: if you will not be my boyfriend (ex too), then you will not be my friend. Infatuation is always there... keep distance from them and they will come to you on their knees begging to...

kung hei fat choi!

natja111608 said...

people would normally advise that you should not be affected by your ex, or whoever he is with, just to show that you're over him and it doesn't matter to you anymore. pride factor ba. ego. which is followed by many but causing themselves bleeding internally because in reality, they only have accepted that the relationship has ended, but still, they are not yet fully getting over with it.

in your case, this should not be a matter of giving your friends to him but thinking of yourself. if you're still affected, get away from that group first. for a span of time only. by this, you won't feel this and it will give you more time to burry the past until you're over with it. by doing this, you're not only making yourself a favor, you are also keeping yourself away from feeling like this again. this is not about what your friends will think and feel, nor your ex, but it is what you feel that should matter most to you. besides, is it really worth it to still feel this way? i'm assuming it's not. but again, it's just an assumption. i don't know you that well :)

Or... this is about who matters to you more: Your friends? Or your ex? Because if you can't miss hanging out with this group, and you are really enjoying hanging out with them, do not throw them away just because of your ex and whoever that BB of him is (yes! bitter na rin ako sa kanya hehe). you have to fight for your right to be with your friends. But only if that is the case.

i bet you have a lot of friends. but always remember, in situations like this, always think of yourself first. in this world, no one will really put our self at the first priority but us...

-nangenge-alam lang sa pinost mo-


MkSurf8 said...

i would have done the same thing as you did. ;-)

no point if you're not comfy. in time . . .

Quentin X said...

Let bygones be bygones. Take the higher moral ground and be mature about it. Life is too short.

Marco said...

I'd normally say go and join the group but since you said you weren't comfortable, then I support you for what you did.

I guess I did the same thing with Voldemort. I stayed away from the group because they were "his friends first". Now, the friends keep in touch once in a blue moon and when we meet up, Voldemort would be there. It used to bother me, but now it doesn't.

I just remind myself that I'm there because of them and not him. But it took awhile. Years, in fact.

Point is, do what you feel like doing and screw what everyone else thinks.

ex&corp fan said...

You knew clearly you were uncomfortable. Give yourself that. Next time siguro you will fee better--and the common friends will have something to talk about na because they shall see you, ex, and bb in one table. :)

Anonymous said...


Ming Meows said...

on the second thought (hehehe)
pulling away was ok. but this should not take forever otherwise it's unhealthy. bottomline is you have to face the reality.

joelmcvie said...

It's possible that the reason your ex begs off from dinner is to avoid you and the awkward situation that having the both of you at dinner will entail.

Bigayan lang yan, I say. Minsan siya ang umaatras, minsan ikaw naman--until such time when both of you can be together in a small group in a small space, and not have that awkward feeling all over everybody.

Mac Callister said...

i like your post I could really relate to it,but unlike you,you were so brave facing them and be in a same group with them

This also shows how you are moving on,your backing out in the end is just fine,you knew you wont be comfortable with it so why push it.

closet case said...

hello ming_meows! i dont think its guilt that i feel. its more like extreme discomfort!

hi julius! i definitely am not infatuated with my ex! kung hei fat choi to you, too!

hi natja! im still affected by him because we are not even in speaking terms. dedmahan kung baga. it's like that enemy you refuse to speak to. i want to talk to him or at least be civil but he made it clear that he didnt want to talk to me.
but i like your point about fighting for my right to be with my friends. they are my friends, too. and i definitely dont mind the pangengealam! haha

hi mksurf8! in time...

id love to take the high ground and just be civil to him. but i fear the embarrassment of being snubbed! ganun kasi si ex, quent!

hi marco. wow. it took years. but again, its not because i have these feelings. its just that he SNUBS me and refuses to talk to me.

talagang may ex&cc fan??? hehe that would be a treat, all three of us in a table!

thanks, anonymous one!

and that reality, ming is that he wouldnt talk to me. and that is so uncomfortable. parang may kaaway ka talaga!

yes, mcvie... in time

hi mac_callister! thanks. i guess i did right by not joining the intimate group anymore.

natja111608 said...

if that's the case, then fight for it. it's the battle of the toughest guts. besides, i'm pretty sure you are also making them feel awkward when you're around, especially to his current partner. so be the hottest creature in the world when you're with them. give your ex the "sayang factor" and give the BB the delicious curiousity about you, while you are completely enjoying the company of your friends. smile like mona lisa. haha. talking about making you so devilishly hottie!!!

all replies in one comment huh. hehe. basta, sa akin ang pinaka mahabang reply. haha :p


John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

I know for a fact that my friends would choose sides and it would be me. Friends defend you, you know. I'd say those people are more like acquaintances now. I wouldn't completely cut them out, simply be less available and spend more time with your true friends. The ones you know who'll always