perfect man was the perfect host. he treated me so well during that short trip.
he also made it clear that we were never going to cross that line. he remains very much in love with his lover.
yet we were almost like lovers. though we slept in separate beds, we found time to cuddle and hug before sleeping and upon waking up.
sweet memories of going around, dining together, shopping together.
and i realize that i dont love him. i could but i dont. and neither does he.
we just both needed that intimacy. we both considered each other special. but that was all there is to it.
so it's not him either, after all. after all the fantasizing.
after all that waiting.