Saturday, June 5, 2010

admission is free


my official statement for the past two years has been: ive moved on. i feel no rancor, no bitterness. i wish him well. i was hoping we'd stay as friends. i dont know why he refuses my friendship.

we'd still bump into each other at the activities of the barkada. i would sense his presence and immediately, would just avoid crossing paths. that meant being mindful of where he was and wasn't, or where his partner was or wasn't, too. and he would avoid me too. but we could co-exist in that same time-space, and just ignore each other.

the extreme situation was that out-of-town activity last year.

as much as i love that barkada and enjoy their company, i've started to shy away. there are times i'd like to play badminton with them again but...

and yet i stuck to my official statement.

not until yesterday did i finally admit to myself that

i avoid him because i still am angry at him. i hate the way he lied to me all those years. i hate that to the very end, he was denying his relationship with the guy. only to end up as partners to this day. i hate that he is still holding up the process for asset turn-over.

i hate his guts.


Marcuskos said...

I've learned that we have to go through a process to heal. Do what you need to do to get closure for your peace of mind.

But what I also learned is that I may wish my ex well and not be angry anymore but I don't have to be friends with him. Specially when I realized he's not the kind of person I'd like to be friends with. Not because of anger or bitterness, but because there really just is a conflict of personalities and values when he finally did show what kind of person he really was.

Anonymous said...

then tell the world you are angry at him especially if asset transfer is being help up by him.

on the asset transfer, if i were you, i will send him a legal demand letter. threathen him with a legal action. just so there is closure with respect to the financial and/or material aspects of the relationship.

on the betrayal, infedility, etc, this one may or may never heal.


migs, the manila gay guy said...

Happy to see you acknowledging the feeling, the anger. I always say, all feelings are valid, even "negative" feelings. Moving forward is very much helped by an honest acknowledgment of one's feelings. UBe well, my dear, dear friend.

Anonymous said...

hate is preventing you from moving on. let go of the hate but banish him from your life completely. offering him friendship is not the answer because he doesn't have the character that you would want in a friend to start with.

Anonymous said...

hi cc, its these posts that make me read your blog. raw.

VG said...

Hi CC, some ex aren't meant to be friends with after.

Marcuskos is right just wish them well. If they dont acknowledge your presence or your history with. well Damn them! may slight bitterness. hehehe

Ming Meows said...

ngayong alam na anatin natin ang basura. alamin natin kung saan ito itatapon.

Rusky said...

don't really know you, but your writing makes for an interesting read. keep it up dude :)