admittedly, i am moody. little things set me off. and i can't stay put until i've expressed disappointment, irritation, anger, even.
i'm pissed off now because my living room window view is ruined. two weeks back, my mom ordered the male help to cut off the branches of the kaimito in front of my window. without my permission, without my knowledge.
i love that kaimito tree. i went through great pains to make sure that it becomes an integral part of the new house. during construction, it seemed dead, with most of its major branches cut-off. but when everything cleared, it started growing again, lushly. i was happy the way the branches and leaves were actually blocking part of my window, providing a nice foliage from the inside, and screen from the outside. it took months for the tree to grow that way.
she had it cut off. she was afraid that it was growing wildly.
that was two weeks ago. when i saw it cut, i went to her and told her, respectfully, trying to maintain my composure, that she shouldn't have done that. that she should inform me of decisions like these that affect my unit. she apologized. i stepped out.
i've somehow managed to forget it for the past weeks. but today, as i try to enjoy my living room, i look out and see a ruined view. and my temper just rises instantly.
i am not the loud type. i will show my foul mood by clamming up. by not engaging in conversation. i want to express this displeasure to her again. and tell her i feel so pissed.
but i won't. i can't. nothing will come out of it. the branches and leaves won't grow any faster. and telling her off will just hurt her. no matter how tactfully ill try to put it.
though i know my sudden mood change, my cold treatment also affects her and affects them, i can just lie about it, if asked. a bad day at work.
so this post is for me, raider. sorry. i just had to let it out.