Wednesday, July 7, 2010

On Open Relationships

Probably the first fabcast novela of its kind. a mini series in our blogworld. this six-part couple fabcast featured a relationship in evolution. now on an open phase of sexual intimacy. truth be told, i know one of them since. and he might be reading this soon. :-) truth be told again, i was surprised to hear about the fabcast, actually the troikast, conducted in secrecy. lol. but moving on, i could only remark 'been there, done that'.

my own experimentation with openness happened during my relationship with coffee entrepreneur. cc-ce relationship started monogamous, exclusive. but cc, ever the wandering eye, was soon engaging in secret casual sex with others. after more than a year of this, snd instances when bf almost found out, cc decided to come out with his secret to his bf, a fit of religious guilt as motivator. ce was dumbfounded, quietly enraged. but instead of breaking up with cc, ce quietly requested to open the relationship. and cc, relieved that the penalty was not as harsh, even pleasurable! and thus started the open relationship.

cc recalls the first time they had a third party in their bedroom. they actively searched the town and found this attractive guy willing to be the third party. it wasnt as great or as hot as they imagined. the guy just 'allowed' them to 'ravage' him. it. was laila dee for sharing.

but instead of turning them off, cc-ce continued to look for the perfect third person. then third and fourth persons.. then a fifth somewhere. yeah you get the drift. but instead of bringing them closer, it drove them apart. something within cc, his religious guilt, his romantic ideals just kept on asserting. in the process. his respect for himself, his bf diminished. and that spelled doom for his relationship.

i know about several long-term couples, 10 years and beyond, going strong. All of them are in exclusive relationships with philanderings on the side, one partner more than the other. none of them open, truly open. ignorance is bliss seems to be the operative condition.

but i offer no guidelines, no directions. it can work, i suppose, on a conceptual level. but openness cannot work for me. i know that now.


stepfordboy said...

it shows that gay relationships, just like straight relationships, can not be simplified into one universal mathematical formula, the more varied we are, the more varied our relationships will be. The hard part is finding the one that best suits what you really are already. hay hirap i explain,

Ming Meows said...

open relationship should be a phase lang talaga.

Jake said...

I don't mean to be judgmental since I know some couples who are into it.

But we share the same personal views.

In my case, almost 7 years into an exclusive relationship and my partner and I intend to keep it that way.

Respect and mutual trust are what keeps us intact. :)

Angelo said...

completely agree with you. :) who cares if this is the age of iPhones or whatever new tech is out there, when it comes to relationships, i'm as (mostly) old-fashioned as one can be. haha.

Anonymous said...

"...religious guilt, romantic ideals, respect for himself...spelled doom for his relationship"

(perhaps) you are not really the relationship-type of guy despite "trying to be one"

too many unresolved issues for someone in his 40s

could be that you think too much. could be that what you really seek is a "fairy tale" relationship and not an "earthly" one.