i just found out that coursing through my veins is blood from Spanish friars. my parents, my niece and i were having usual after-dinner conversation. we turned to the topic about Philippine history, particularly during the Spanish occupation. And as we discussed the 'atrocities' committed to the Filipinos by the colonizers, my mom casually mentioned that her father's grandmother was the daughter of a Spanish friar. Then my dad mentioned that his mother's grandmother was also the daughter of a friar!
and they both remarked that many relatives actually still looked very castillan, with high-bridged noses and fair skin. (i lost out on the fair skin) im amazed that im a by-product of clergy abuse, from both sides.
and were it not for their uncontrollable testosterone, which i still find deplorable, i wouldnt be around.
and that brings me to another story. did i ever tell you about this priest i knew before? ill call him paul. he is a Catholic priest i met in one of the parties of our barkada, gay parties. although he was dressed casually, he was introduced as Fr Paul to us. and he was part of a group of goodlooking PLU's. so we all had one eyebrow raised. but he was handsome. and charming. forgive us for our lustful thoughts.
i wanted a personal spiritual director and father confessor who understood me and my predicament. so i sought him out and asked him to be my confessor. we went out, i treated him to dinner and after that, he heard my confession.
he became scarce after that, though. primarily because he was being transferred from one diocese to the other. then we lost touch.
about a year after, we bumped into each other at the gym (yes, the gym) and exchanged numbers. i was surprised to get a message from him that went something like this:
hey cc. sorry i have been hard to reach. ive been busy. but also because i chose to stay away. even from that first meeting, i knew i was going to fall for you. and it wasnt going to be right. so i decided to avoid seeing you. i guess i can't really be your spiritual director. but i will always treasure you as a friend.
i couldn't answer right away. i was almost in shock. flattered. confused. weird. i simply replied that i wish him well and thanked him for the honesty.
it made me think then. would i have agreed to a relationship with a "man of God"? my impulsive nature, my attraction for him might have made me rush in. but that would have damaged me and my faith. i guess God saved me from my self.
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