passing thoughts

that last comment on my blog post made me turn red. more out of embarassment than anything else. and he is right for that is what he reads on this blog.

when i first started blogging, i was thinking of what novel experience or ideas i might contribute to this electronic world. and thinking like a marketeer, i was hoping to drive some eyeball traffic to the blog. i eventually settled on the idea of talking about my indiscretions. i was still in a relationship with my ex then. and i was gallivanting on the side. and aside from the obvious sexual pleasure i get, i was after bragging rights to some of those escapades and conquests.

i was blogging about past and present experiences, complete with an abstracted photo of my playmate. and as expected, traffic increased. eventually, i became paranoid that my ex would read the posts so i deleted them all. i saved them in some flash drive which i cannot find now.

then i became single. and all of a sudden, it was no longer a crime the things i did. so i indulged even more and used this venue as an archive of my sordid past, among other things.

i tried to communicate, however unsuccessfully, that though i was this horny bastard, i still had ideals. and those ideals i would still refer to, from time to time, reminders of a noble me. something i intended to return to.

i guess i will still be judged on the basis of all i've placed here, with more emphasis on the racy stories, on the infidelities. and i accept that now.

but one very beautiful characteristic of my prince charming is his ability to see me for who i can become, not who i was. he knows about the blog and perhaps reads it. but i never felt judged.

prince charming re-affirms the true, the good and the beautiful in cc. and i can only be grateful and aspirational.

yes, despite the past, someone out there believes i can be better in so many ways.

and i will. i am.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad