Thursday, September 2, 2010

the paradox

in my journey as a gay Catholic man, i have passed through many junctures in my life where i felt choice had to be made between the two: being gay and remaining Catholic. this blog, and my friends, have witnessed the seemingly never-ending conceptual tussles i have had reconciling the two. and i have swung from one end to the other, thinking they represent two ends in my life-pendulum.

im now at a point where i realize that there is no reconciliation between the two. they will always stand on opposite grounds. but what has changed for me is that i do not have to be caught in between them anymore.

rather, my mind has grown larger to encompass both of them. i am both gay and Catholic and neither of the two either.

confusing? the label 'gay' describes my sexual behavior and preference but not all of it. the label 'Catholic' describes my faith and my behavior but, again, not all of it.

not identifying "me" with these labels exclusively allows me to explore a wider space where none of these labels are. and freed from that, i now see a horizon of co-existence, an intersection where none exists before.

and ultimately that intersection is where my peace lies.

if i could do that to those opposing ideas, i could probably do that to so many others and multiply my peace.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


paci said...

what i learned from being a catholic is that we should not throw stones because we are also sinners and that the love of the divine providence is for all. =)

Anonymous said...

Peace is the only thing that matters in the end. Acceptance and peace.

Barakong Pinoy said...

double standard...

Dereck said...

Sabi nga ng priest friend ko, "Don't we all live many lives?"

I agree, who are we kidding, there is indeed very limited space for reconciliation between contemporary Catholicism and our sexuality. What people would see as inconsistency we see as an opportunity to resist the infecund identities or labels that box us as gay-sex-practicing Catholics.

migs, the manila gay guy said...

we are indeed kindred souls, my dear cc - and i'm so grateful that the universe has elected to overlap our lives in several interesting ways. you have enriched my life so much, and you continue to do that as we travel our journeys together. maraming salamat, kapatid! this particular issue you've written about, as you know, is one of our shared concerns -- and reading this makes me so happy because not only have you expressed a similar idea i've been reflecting about, but you've also articulated it so simply and so elegantly.

Mr. Hush Hush said...

hi cc

I'm one of your followers and this is my first comment on any of your entries.. Just want you to know that somehow I decided to create one myself. I do find joy in your 'kinky' posts. hahahaha good read

Tony said...

People always forget that a pendulum does have a common point. The center. No matter how far that pendulum swings it's center will always remain the same.

People also forget that we are allowed to contradict ourselves. It's not a bad thing. We just really do contradict ourselves from time to time.

It's this acceptance of these two things early in my life that helps me and my take on things very simple. I may resonate with an idea today and tomorrow wake up and find that is not the case. Not a big deal. Parang si mama madonna lang yan... you just reinvent yourself.

Anonymous said...

let me share what the Catholic has to say on Homosexuality. I quote:

"Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction towards persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from the genuine effective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved."

Take note, the Catholic Church do not discriminate homosexuals. What the Catholic Church tells us is that because of natural law, any homosexual act is not consented, nor in any manner will they be approved.

Natural law is about what your inner being is telling you. Normally, if you are not feeling okay with a particular thing, something in you tells you so, unless you already hardened your inner being from these dictates.

- A rising confused Catholic grindee but not into full sexual exploration with boys

Anonymous said...

To continue my research:

"The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disoriented, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection."

-- There you go CC, I've researched it specifically for this blog and for the raiders.

-- This is taken from the official Vatican document that discusses homosexuality. Hard bound book.

closet case said...

@paci and remembering that humbles us. thanks!

@anonymous yes. peace. sometimes so elusive.

@barakong pinoy. ganun ba? di naman siguro.

@dereck when our lives play tug-of-war games, we end up as losers. all because we 'identify' with the labels of our 'lives'

@mgg you are a dear friend, even before the blogosphere made you a megastar! and even as we share similar thoughts (like this one), we also have very different takes on others! our friendship is the very example of how expansive our hearts and minds could be.

@hush hush congratulations again for your blog! thanks for the comment! thanks for following this humble blog of mine! the kinkiness would probably continue! LOL based on past experience!!

@tony we accept our contradictions but people we interact with would rather deal with one label or the other. some find it wishy-washy, a lack of character.

@anonymous EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT researcher, dear grindree in the process of... i will repost this as a separate entry. I wish we could identify you.